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  1. #1
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    Default working/not working during ivf

    Hi everyone,

    Ive started this thread for anyone who wants to vent about the difficulties we face with work while doing ivf.
    I quit my job last year after my first ivf cycle as i was under a huge amount of stress and my boss was making my life a living hell.
    DH and i thought whats the point spending all this money on ivf only to have it possibly fail from the stress.

    Since then ive had to face constant comments from people such as "so when are you getting a new job" when they know we r doing the ivf and even comments every now and then from DH such as "she just doesnt want to work" which are very hurtful when its not like that at all i just dont see how i can do ivf AND work.
    Ive looked at doing things from home such as Avon, or delivery pamphlets etc but then id have to also be available to walk big distances during the 2WW and just after EPU.

    Not to mention soon we will be moving to Karratha for DH's work and if i was to get a job there the boss would have to be super super understanding when i have to fly back and forth to perth for treatment. Does anyone know such a boss because i dont?

  2. #2
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    Hey bourbon, Its a tough one. I have always worked and often thought about taking time off to do IVF but then thought i'd prefer to be earning money now while i can and then take time off when and if i do ever fall pregnant and have a baby. Your situation is a hard one though given that you are moving and will need to fly to Perth for treatment. When are you moving?

  3. #3
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    I quit my job and went back to working from home (self employed) after I just started to find it too hard to work appointments around my work who were starting to find it hard to accomodate me even though they were being very good about it. I realise not everyone has the option to work from home but even though I was working from home it was only part time and people did ask questions about whether I was in the middle of a career change or whether my husband was supporting me. At first (for a couple of months) I felt a bit guilty I wasn't working full time or that DH had to support me but at the end of the day it was a decision we made together and once I relaxed and realised he supported me I became happier with my choice. So what I realised:

    This was a choice DH and I made together
    People will always make comments, but mostly they are probably just jealous that they are working and you are not.
    The only two people you need to make happy are yourself and DH.

    Enjoy your time, reduce your stress levels and try and ignore people. If they start getting antsy or making rude comments just tell them you have decided to take on a new career path as a lady who lunches and leave them to mull that over. They probably wish they could join you!

  4. #4
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    I think it can be really difficult to juggle work and IVF. I am one of the lucky few who am finding it a bit easier as I work in Health, so have access to Time in Lieu and Rostered days off and sick leave. I have also used my annual leave on days when I knew I needed to attend appointments.
    I think it can be done if your work has flexible work practices or you have a very understanding boss, otherwise its pretty darn hard.
    Its hard to avoid all the comments though and you have to develop a thick skin as you know you have made the right choice for you. Although I would be speaking with hubby about his hurtful comments.
    I dont know if there are any work from home options if you really need the extra income? Something online perhaps? or book-keeping?

  5. #5
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    I am kind of glad I am not the only one with the whole work/ivf issue. I lost my job last year after being employed with the same company for 14 years. I decided to have a break to concentrate on ivf but we soon discovered we could not survive on one wage and try to pay ivf bills too. It is so unfair to have to cope with the emotional and physical aspects of ivf without having the financial stuff to deal with too

    I wonder how understanding a new boss would be. Very hard starting a new job and then wanting time off immediately for all of the appointments. I am still debating what to do about it

  6. #6
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    Well my job ended just as i was about to start IVF, so for 22 months i didnt work. I got a 2 day a week job just when i started at Sydney IVF, my boss knew that IVF was my priority. She approached me about the job, i didnt apply for it.

    I fell pregnant with this baby whilst working. I quit my job at 11 weeks.......too much! I was working as a nanny for 4 month old twins and a 3 yr old.

    I think i would have had a massive emotional breakdown (instead of a little one) if i was working full time. I put so much into IVF, that i didnt have much else left to give to a job.

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    Thank you all so much for joining this thread and posting your comments and experiences.

    When i told my previous boss that i was doing ivf as it was just getting too hard to find excuses as to why i would be late into work (after an u/s) or need a few days off coming up to which i didnt know the exact days (epu or et) she was great at first telling me how my life and health come first and how she totally understands thanks for being honest etc etc and then she totally changed into a different person!! I only had 1 day off in the yr i was working there and did so much unpaid overtime it wasnt funny but she would just pile the work onto me (not the other girls) and if or when i mentioned politely that i was finding it all too much (no one else was expected to do overtime or so much) she would brush me off or get nasty. I didnt ask for any special treatment just a fair go.

    Im going to scan seek in a minute to see if there are any casual jobs i could do (really missing the extra $$) but im not sure if they would be cool with me taking time off straight away when needed (and i cant exactly go into the job interview explaining im doing ivf can i!).

    DH knew he said the wrong thing as soon as i shot him a look of daggers and maybe he was just joking around but it hurt all the same.
    He has been really good though and supportive but deep down im not sure how much he really understands about how it affects us or how difficult it is to juggle work with a boss not willing to budge.

    It would be so good if we could just advertise ourselves as willing to work and excellent staff while making it clear we need to be flexible.
    Even with temp jobs, we had a temp at my old job and she was still expected to work on certain days not choose her days. Hmmm i dont know, think ill just have to hope the ivf works soon. Its not like ill be working when im in late stages of pregnancy or a new mother anyway is it.

  8. #8
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    Hi Bourbon,
    This was a great idea for a thread. I'm a teacher and was finding work incredibly stressfull. For the 1st time in a long time I have a very naughty class this year (prob politically incorrect to say but true) or maybe my stress levels and tolerance are not the same. I partly blame my last ET not working on the stress at work. I went back the day after my last transfer and spent all day, yelling, stressed and crying at breaktimes. I remember thinking at lunch well this one isn't going to work after the emotional turmoil I've had today. (and it stayed the same for the next week or longer) When I got home that night and told DP about my horrible day he just said straight out for me to take long service leave. It was the best decision I could have made. It helped me survive the rest of the term and going in today for my ET knowing I have 3 months with no work has made me feel so calm and positive. I know I'm very lucky though because even after taking a term off I'll still have lots of leave for when I do have my bub. (All the years of teaching have finally paid off!)
    But even with all of that I still get comments from "well meaning" friends. I'm sure they think I'm being lazy for taking a term off when we have no holiday plans etc. It's like our mental health doesn't matter. They all know how stressed I've been at work. I'm trying my best to ignore their comments, my family know why I'm doing this and DP supports me 100% so that's all that really matters.
    I think while we are going through something as stressful as ivf we need to be selfish and put us and our future family first.
    As you said once we are utd and then when we have bubs who cares about work!
    Take care and good luck!

  9. #9
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    I have to work, Im the main bread winner in the family. Without me working we would have no money for IVF, we would barely keep ahead of the bills.

    I work in health and unlike sandramm1 I don't have a boss that is willing to work with me on this. My Boss is extremely difficult!!! She won't help in anyway. I have had to fight to have days off for IVF.

    Our boss is bad and just denied us all our time in leiu. Most bosses in health would give you an annual leave day off but not mine.

    I wish I didnt have to work through IVF but I have no other alternative.

    I have a job interview today for a job in sydney, hopefully they will be more understanding. Most bosses are more than willing to help.

    When DH gets a job in sydney hopefully it will pay more so that I can only work part time. This would be better

    TNTbub

  10. #10
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    Bourbon-well you already know im in the same boat as you.
    Tnt-GL for your interview today I hope you get it & makes another step to the big move a little easer & another step closer to IVF in July.

    Ive looked for part time casual work or something to do from home even.DH has suggested selling stuff on Ebay but i have to outlay before to get started & we just dont have the spare available funds at the moment with ivf & me not working.Its a vicous circle.After reading some ladies experience with not supportive bosses im kind of glad we can afford for me to stay home for now but on those really looonnng drawn out bored days i pull my hair out.Sure i can find things to do to keep me busy around the house but miss the company of co-workers,having some spare money.I enquired too about doing the brochure deliveries & i am still more then half tempted but i cant do it while down sydney for epu/transfer & dont want to risk it in the 2WW when i get back.Then do i really want to be carrying all those brochures around while pregnant too.


 

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