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  1. #11
    Theophania's Avatar
    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    I suppose it depends on your relationship with your sister and how she would interpret that coming from you.....

    For me, yes I could find it offensive. Maybe your sister had a lot of guilt about having to work and maybe comments like that just get to her????

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    Quote Originally Posted by Morrigan View Post
    it would seem so...
    Wow that's a bit full on... Not that any of this would need to be voiced as you are family and u help eachother out when u can but I would be pretty grateful if someone looked after my child so that I could work and earn some money.

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    I am relieved to see that there are both those that would be offended and those that think its silly..

    I honestly dont understand how its offensive, but at least I know now she is not a complete nutter

  4. #14
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    BH-KatiesMum is offline Community Manager
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    I think it does depend entirely on the context .... so while you were obviously meaning one thing, she perhaps took it to be another.

    Is this the sister that you posted about yesterday Morri? Perhaps she is clutching at straws to excuse her own actions and difficulties?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Theophania View Post
    Maybe your sister had a lot of guilt about having to work and maybe comments like that just get to her????


    That would be my guess. I've just put off going back to work for another 3 months because I couldn't handle the guilt. If I handed him to someone and they said they would "mother" him, it would make me feel terrible, as I'M his mother, and I should be there to mother him..

    In saying that though, even though it would bother me on the inside, I'd never say anything about it, and would be glad that I had someone who would care for him so well.

    I do find it strange that she is just bringing this up and still upset about it 12 months later.

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    not personally from a family member. my mum often "mothers" my son.. between family I find that normal.. and definitely a good thing. It's good for children to have other adults that they have a deep affection for and who love them and nurture them in that way.

    how ever.. if my sister in law said that.. well.. bad things could happen..

    Is your family very close like that?

    otherwise, she may just be having a sensitive day which as a working parent I can totally relate to. I have fears that my son has not got good attachment and maybe if my family caught me on that bad day and said that, I might get upset.

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    Quote Originally Posted by KatiesMum View Post
    I think it does depend entirely on the context .... so while you were obviously meaning one thing, she perhaps took it to be another.

    Is this the sister that you posted about yesterday Morri? Perhaps she is clutching at straws to excuse her own actions and difficulties?
    No it was a different sister. I called her last night for some support on the other one mentioned in other thread.

    Ended up in a worse emotional state speaking to her then when before I called.

    I am feeling very depressed about it all today and need to find a way to move away or keep away from my family, they are very bad for me emotionally. I am an extremely sensitive person and I cant deal with their obvious lack of ability to get over stuff and their paranoia.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Morrigan View Post
    I dont get it, but I apparently said this to my sister when she dropped him off. she still has an issue with it, but first I heard of it..

    I cant remember it.. this was about 12 months or more ago.. and I really dont get why it would upset her.

    IF i did say it - it would certainly have been in the context of I will treat him as one of my own...

    I explained that to her.. doesnt seem to make a difference

    I find it very weird.
    Wow!
    I'll explain what I said
    I'd be upset if she was having a dig at me choosing, needing, wanting to work when my dd is less the 12 months.
    I'd be upset if she implied she would be dd mother cos I can't
    but if she meant it as "i love looking after darling niece, I treat her and love her like my own" then I would be upset and that's what you meant
    I'd probably say something back to her to clarify this misunderstanding
    and I definatly would not hold a 12 month grudge! Wow! :confussed:

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    If someone said that to me I'd be extremely upset. It's hard enough to deal with leaving my child, let alone being told that I'll be replaced by someone else being a mother to him. I know that may sound silly, but the use of the word 'mother' is upsetting.

    To be completely honest I'd probably struggle to deal with it if I was even a little guilty about working. So, I can completely understand your sister.

    I think you just need to talk to her. Maybe your other sister is blowing things out of proportion. Just explain that you never meant you'd replace her as a mother, just that you'd look after her carefully while she was with you. Somehow you need to go to her and discuss it. I don't know your family dynamics and how easy this is, but I think it's needed.

    Having said that I've heard that my SIL's are upset that my mum has my ds 3 days a week and their children only 1 day a week each. Apparently they are jealous of my 'preferential' treatment, particuarly when my ds goes for 5 days a week when my dh is away (about 4 weeks a year). BUT, I work full time as does my dh and 1 SIL doesn't work at all and the other SIL works 4 hours a week. I chose to ignore it when my mum said they were jealous and I've never discussed it with them as I didn't think it would improve the situation.

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    Okay so your sis still feels hurt after a year. Seems easy enough to fix to me, send her a card telling her what a great mum she is and that you love and support her. Tell her that you did not mean to hurt her feelings and that you love your nephew. You would do this because she is your sister and the people we love could be here one minute, gone the next. Life is too short.

    She obviously is suffering from mothers guilt at having to work and is a little touchy on not being able to look after her bubba every day. It sucks, but you love her so erase her fears that she is a bad mum.

    I don't think you would ever willingly hurt your sister with a coment the way she thinks you have, but these negative feelings we carry can poisen everything we touch. Just tell her you love her.


 

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