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  1. #1
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    Default Finally diagnosed...

    After 3 and half years of feeling terrible after giving birth to my beautiful son, suffering with on and off headaches, fatigue, exhaustion and isolating myself from a lot of people, I have FINALLY think I have the reason why.





    3 doctors have said that I have probably had post natal depression, or at least some form of depression.

    I was gobbsmacked at first - depression was something I thought was just a state of mind - when a person is in a bad place, in a rut, or just 'unhappy'. But from what the doctors have told me, that there can physical symptoms even when you aren't 'unhappy' or you know you should be feeling ok. When you know realistically that have so much to be grateful for.

    I have been on Lexapro (Antidepressant) now for 2 months and I feel like the old me has returned. This helps with my Seratonin levels, so that I can be back to my normal self. I have been told it is likely that my levels may have dropped since having my son, and that they will return eventually.

    NOW, I feel like I can stop and just enjoy the moment, rather than just wanting to lie down on the lounge and sleep.

    This is more a vent, I am feeling rather happy to finally have some answers but upset too, so I just need to get it out...

    I am rather annoyed and frustrated that I have missed out on really enjoying the first few years of my sons life. I have pushed myself so hard, had countless of people say to me 'try and just enjoy this time with your son, you will never have it back again' (BUT I WANTED TOO ENJOY IT!!) or 'perhaps you should just get out and go for a walk - then you will feel better'...

    Now would it seem stupid for me to try and tell an owner of car that has no fuel, that 'you can get your car back on the road, just give it a go!' How stupid would that seem??? How can a car run without fuel????!!! Well, that was how I felt. I wasn't just 'tired' - I had nothing left.

    I stopped going to mothers group because I couldn't handle being around other mothers that were happy and coping so well with being a mum. In the end, I stopped hanging around energetic, positive people, cause I couldn't keep up, or didn't feel positive about much. These people got to me, I envied who they were - it was what I used to be like.

    I only worked 2 days a week, when I came home, I had to doze nearly falling asleep on the lounge, just to get through the next few hours with my son. I felt like I had weights in my arms and legs. But I had to put on a mask when I went to work, I couldn't let it show.

    As a single mum, I accepted that no-one understand, how on earth could I find a man to understand something I didn't even understand myself.

    Now after being on the medication, I have met a wonderful kind and caring man. He doesn't know much about depression, but he listens and wants to know more. But I am struggling, that when I have a bad day (I had one a few days ago, first one in a month) I pushed him away, almost ashamed of myself. I fear I will push him away, scared that he will reject me when I had the odd bad day.

    Anyway, I needed to get this out. I feel like a lot emotion has come from this diagnosis. I know you can't live in regret, but if only I had known and being diagnosed earlier, perhaps my time with my son would've been different. Don't get me wrong, we have had a lot of good times, but many times I felt like I had to push through the sheer exhaustion.

    THe other thing is now I feel like I have got 24 hours in my day, as opposed to just 12 hours. Go figure...

    Thanks for reading if you go this far.

  2. #2
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    Oh honey...there are so many amazing positives in your post. it would be so hard though to feel that you have "lost that time" with your son. I have seen so many friends go through PND, and family members, and I do agree that their parenting experience has been so very different from my own. PND steals the joy. It is so brutal. i know other Mums blah blah blah at other Mums who arent't having the same experience, and PND, more often than not, is lurking in the background.
    I hope things are on the up and up for you (the sky is the limit), and that your story would help other women to question things if they are feeling the same way.

  3. #3
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    thankyou

    i am not suffering for pnd but some other depression.

    Its really bad.

    ive wated to get better for a while (on and off).
    But finally while reading your post I have made an appointment to see a doctor. Wish me luck. I am so scared.

  4. #4
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    Good on you all for asking for help. Hugs to you. It does get better.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by laura20 View Post
    thankyou

    i am not suffering for pnd but some other depression.

    Its really bad.

    ive wated to get better for a while (on and off).
    But finally while reading your post I have made an appointment to see a doctor. Wish me luck. I am so scared.
    Please don't be scared. I don't live in regret for anything really, but one. I wished I had seen a doctor a long time ago. If only I had, perhaps I would've been able to enjoy my son when he was a baby, rather than feeling anxious, fatigue and depressed when I knew I shouldn't.

    Also a big thing to remember is not to give up on the medication if you don't think it is working. I had a HUGE low when i had been on the antidepressants for about 3 weeks, and I was about to stop taking them. But then at about week 5, that's when they started to help me. Please hang in there even if you think that they aren't working.

    Obviously no-one wants to be on any medication for a life time, but if this means that I can fully enjoy this time with my son - so be it, and hopefully my body will right itself and I can wean myself off it.

    This has opened my eyes, I had no idea that depression can affect your body, even when you know that you have no 'real reason' to not feel good. I hope this thread helps people realise not to judge a 'depressed' person as simply just being in a 'rut' or 'in a bad place'. It's more than that. It exhausts your body, not just your mind.


    Good luck and let us know how you go.

  6. #6
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    congrats sammy76 on sharing your story, and thanks for updating us

    good to hear things are getting back on track

    depression is so misunderstood - I also suffered from undiagnosed PND. Like bubmum said, it's brutal. By opening up here you have helped other people see that accepting they are depressed and getting help for it is not a sign of weakness or failure

    good luck also with the new man in your life

  7. #7
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    so I have paniced anxioty and depression. Ive been put on anti depressants and will start seeing a pyschiatrist in 10 days.

    I cant deal with panic attacks any more. I have no idea what im so worried about.

    but my ears go funny i feel like im having the worst heart burn and i feel like im not getting any air in.

    o well

    Ill be back to my own self soon i hope


 

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