Why do you want to look attractive?

[dicey]

I have low self esteem. I'm not pretty, I'm fat and I have no female curves.
I would love to be a typically attractive person. Not that drop dead gorgeous type. But just someone who has a pretty symmetrical face and an average female body.
Because then, as one poster said, people would leave me alone.

I also believe that if I was more attractive, I would be more confident. I feel more empowered when I know that I look good.

[Aussiemummy]

I feel better when i have my hair done, makeup on etc and I wanna find a man someday...

[CocktailBubba]

I think also because i'm only 21, losing your body at this age is very degrading because other young people do look and compare themselves to you, often when I go out without my kids to the supermarket or something I sort of think 'oh i wonder what that person is looking at' or i feel like wearing a t-shirt that says "i've got 2 kids at home" so people know why I do have a little bit of a tum lol

LOL I totally get this last bit! I'm 21 also and I think I look pretty OK considering I do have a child but I wish when I went out without ds people would know that I do have a child at home and thats why I look the way I do

But I do feel good about myself, and I know that if I actually tried I could lose these last kilos but thanks to my wonderful dp I can't honestly say that I have tried- he tells all the time he loves me with more meat on my bones lol, I was really teeny tiny when we met

[Freya]

If I wake up throw something on and that's it I have no motivation and feel like crap all day. When I get up shower, blowdry and straighten my hair and dress nicely I am in a better mood, i do more and I feel happier.

I don't want to let myself go then in a few years time look at myself and be depressed like so many other mothers I know.

It's not hard to be healthy and put an effort in and it's really worth it.

[Phyllis Stein]

I agree that appearance is superficial but I don't believe that it doesn't matter. I know it shouldn't...but it does. That's the reality.

It matters to me because I know I get treated differently when I'm not attractive to when I put some effort in. I know I get treated differently now that I'm overweight than what I did when I was skinny. I shouldnt' be treated differenty but I do...that's the harsh reality.

If I want to be taken seriously and respected as a person, then I need to look as attractive as I can. It's a natural for people to look at 'pretty' or 'cute' things and treat them better. For instance, you're more likely to goo and gaa over a cute kitten than an ugly slug in a garden...it's natural.

I just don't like how I get treated when I look ugly. I don't like feeling like I don't matter. Unfortunately, whether I'm the result of a society gone mad or not...it doesn't change the fact that it does matter to me (to a point...I'm not in a hurry to get botox or lipo ) . Enhancing my features so that I look more attractive than unattractive, helps me feel good about who I am because others feel good about who I am.

Sound's shallow even when I'm explaining it...it's pathetic. But I can't help but feel that we take our cues from our surroundings as to how we feel about ourselves as people. When we were children, it was our parents, then it was our peers and then it's our significant other,,,but everyone treats us like cr @p because we don't look the part...everywhere we go then we are going to feel like cr @p.

I don't know what one has to do to become ignorant to how we are treated and to not allow how we are treated to mess with our own self image/esteem.

I don't think it's some sort of inner deficiency or shallowness, not at all. I definitely don't blame women for feeling the pressure, nor for conforming in whatever way they feel necessary to get through life. When I said "it doesn't matter", I'm not undermining the pressure women are placed under to look a certain way, simply trying to go to the core of it.

My response to your last paragraph would be that the key for me is anger. I'm furious that my worth is judged primarily on my appearance. Pre-pregnancy and multiple back fractures, I had the kind of figure that attracted a lot of "positive" attention, and I hated that as much, if not more than the times I've felt invisible or derided for not conforming. That someone could look at me and see only the shell is such a huge insult - I simply won't conform to a system that promotes my own, my potential daughters, other women's own objectification anymore than absolutely necessary.

The thing that made it easier for me to get to this place was blocking out as much of the sexism and objectification as possible. I stopped watching advertising or anything sexist on TV, stopped buying or looking at magazines that promoted women-as-object, stopped looking at other women as competition instead of people, distanced myself from overtly sexist people, and read feminist texts such as The Beauty Myth. I swear, just the effect of not being bombarded with sexist ads in my own home was hugely significant. Now I *do* look at sexist ads and the like in the context of feminist analysis and their effect on my sense of self-worth is zilch. We've been trained to think and see in a certain way, it takes time and effort to 'untrain', but it's possible.

Anyhoo, nuff about me.

[Deserama]

Thing is though that while I'm training myself I'm being ignored. I don't mind that people find me physically attractive if it encourages them to at least talk to me and get to know who I am inside. At least I have a chance, if my attractiveness gets someone to want to have a conversation with me to find out how attractive a person I am on the inside. I'd rather be known for my humour, witt and down to earth personality than my looks but if my looks get my foot in the door....

I wish it wasn't this way, I wish plain curvy types is what attracted people, but then the skinny blondes would be the ones feeling the pressure... I wonder if it would ever change.

When I say 'attractive' I don't mean drop dead gorgeous either...just pleasant to look at.

[TacoFest]

Why do I want to look attractive? Well isn't the obvious answer I don't want to look ugly? Lol

I am only 21 so I want to be able to look and feel my age. I didn't want to be the friend who sits on the sand at the beach because I have such bad stretchmark I couldn't wear bathers. No I worked hard after my pregnancy so I could wear bikinis at the beach and feel my age. I am very aware my role is a mother, but sometimes it's nice to go out with my friends and feel attractive and young and not like the old mother!

[DanceInTheRain]

I feel it's good for my self esteem to put effort into my appearance. I know DF appreciates it too, which in turn boosts my self esteem even more.

[iMischa]

freya - i disagree a little bit, if it was easy to be healthy, there would be no one with weight probs (unless theres a medical reason) or even heartdisease etc..

it may very well be easy for someone who was brought up in a healthy home and was never allowed to have crap and always encouraged/guided/forced to lead a healthy lifestyle, but for those who did not have that instilled in them, its not easy.

yes as adults people make their own choices, but its still hard.

[Mischief]

When I was younger I put make up on and sexy clothes so that boys would look at me.

When I got married I wanted to look nice for my husband...

Once I had kids, I let myself go... Its true! I didnt care anymore really, if I had a spare few minutes I wanted to do NOTHING not, get dressed up and put make up on.

Now, Im trying to make an effort again to look good. Not just for my husband, and my children (I dont want them to be ashamed of their wife and mother).... But for ME! When I look nice I feel good about myself.