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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mumma Tissy View Post
    I had a huge realisation here last night. I DON'T want to look attractive.
    What lead you to that realisation?

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    I guess because it makes life easier

    I want to, but i think it really is an external motivation rather than something I actually want. What i really want is for people not to be so darn shallow but the reality is that they are.

  3. #13
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    It's not necessarily that I place a huge value in looking attractive, however...

    I want to be healthy, fit and active. I'm 39 with a 2 year old and I want more children. Staying fit and healthy (ie working out regularly) has massive mental and physical health advantages.

    I want to be able to fit into standard size clothing and be able to chose clothes that I like rather than clothes that fit.

    I want to at least look 'neat' and groomed, eg clean trim nails; tidy hair; clean well fitting clothes etc. My hair is quite grey and I'm only 39 and I'd like to not look like an 'old' lady just yet (there's plenty of time for that later if I wish).

    I want to look after my skin - after all it's the only skin I have and it serves a good purpose. Therefore I like to wash it and make it feel nice with my oh-so expensive home brand sorbolene cream (because I'm worth it )

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaLuffly View Post
    I guess because it makes life easier

    I want to, but i think it really is an external motivation rather than something I actually want. What i really want is for people not to be so darn shallow but the reality is that they are.
    I do agree with you.....I guess it's the difference between naturally looking after yourself and feeling good doing that OR basing your self worth on the way you look. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look and feel nice....looking after your body, making nice choices in clothing. Just when it becomes who you are and what you're about that it is an issue. If that makes sense.....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchstar View Post
    What lead you to that realisation?
    I have to lose weight. Like really have to. But every time I think of doing exercise I feel this massive weight pulling me back. I've been talking to my therapist about it but sort of getting no where. but then last night something was said (can't remember what) and it made me realise why.

    being thin = the chance of someone finding me attractive = the possibility of being abused again

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mumma Tissy View Post
    I have to lose weight. Like really have to. But every time I think of doing exercise I feel this massive weight pulling me back. I've been talking to my therapist about it but sort of getting no where. but then last night something was said (can't remember what) and it made me realise why.

    being thin = the chance of someone finding me attractive = the possibility of being abused again
    Wow There are so many reasons why people do what they do hey? Everyone has such a different story.....HUGE hugs to you lovely. I have heard of that before too, people being overweight or whatever sort of as a protective mechanism.

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    I want to look attractive for me & my DP (and just us). I love it when he looks at me and smiles and says I'm gorgeous. But I think and say the same things about him

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchstar View Post
    I do agree with you.....I guess it's the difference between naturally looking after yourself and feeling good doing that OR basing your self worth on the way you look. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look and feel nice....looking after your body, making nice choices in clothing. Just when it becomes who you are and what you're about that it is an issue. If that makes sense.....
    I guess i don't believe looking after yourself = looking good. I think some people will "look after themselves" all they like and still be conventionally unattractive to a lot (if not the majority) of people. I also think that "looking good" is ridiculously subjective, I think I look good but suspect others probably do not base on their own pre conceived notions of what is and what is not attractive.

    I think also that we do not exist within a vaccume and I can't escape the fact that we *feel good* when we "look good" probably has an external component to it that we are not even aware of. Why do we feel good? If I go for a run I might physically feel good but I certainly do not look good, but I don't think that is what you mean.

    I think there is a feeling of health and wellbeing but I think that is distinct from the feeling that you meet societies expectations of what is attractive and feel boosted by that. I think people try and equate them as one and the same or try and pass off one as the other.

    Anyways I didn't mean to go off on a tangent, my comments were in direct relation to me and the question "why do you want to look attractive" which is really very different to "why do you want to feel healthy?" but either way my preference would be for there not to be such a focus or onus on people to look attractive. I don't necessarily think there should be an onus on people to look or be healthy either which leads us into the territory of ableism but again I have taken us off track!


    I want to look attractive because it makes life easier for me, however I would prefer to release that burden and live in a world where your appearance isn't of any consequence to anyone.

    hehe that was long winded and I hope it didn't sound snippy, it's a subect of great interest to me and I tend to get swept away with it.

  9. #19
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    Because attractive people are seem to be more credible. They are taken more seriously and respected more. And I want to be respected..simple. And if that means I have to have some level of attractiveness to do so then that's what I need to do...as sad as it is.

    I've noticed that the more effort I put into my looks the more smiles (etc) I get from society...which makes me feel good.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaLuffly View Post
    I guess i don't believe looking after yourself = looking good. I think some people will "look after themselves" all they like and still be conventionally unattractive to a lot (if not the majority) of people. I also think that "looking good" is ridiculously subjective, I think I look good but suspect others probably do not base on their own pre conceived notions of what is and what is not attractive.

    I think also that we do not exist within a vaccume and I can't escape the fact that we *feel good* when we "look good" probably has an external component to it that we are not even aware of. Why do we feel good? If I go for a run I might physically feel good but I certainly do not look good, but I don't think that is what you mean.

    I think there is a feeling of health and wellbeing but I think that is distinct from the feeling that you meet societies expectations of what is attractive and feel boosted by that. I think people try and equate them as one and the same or try and pass off one as the other.

    Anyways I didn't mean to go off on a tangent, my comments were in direct relation to me and the question "why do you want to look attractive" which is really very different to "why do you want to feel healthy?" but either way my preference would be for there not to be such a focus or onus on people to look attractive. I don't necessarily think there should be an onus on people to look or be healthy either which leads us into the territory of ableism but again I have taken us off track!


    I want to look attractive because it makes life easier for me, however I would prefer to release that burden and live in a world where your appearance isn't of any consequence to anyone.

    hehe that was long winded and I hope it didn't sound snippy, it's a subect of great interest to me and I tend to get swept away with it.
    NO, no, you don't sound snippy, I totally know where you are coming from. When I was younger, I was TOTALLY trying to look good to fit in and to get attention, because I didn't think I was worthy of attention for any other reason. Now, I still like to look nice but I definitely know that there is more to me than that. That part of me is still in there somewhere though and it may never totally go away.

    At this stage in my life, it doesn't actually feel like a burden to me at all, but I definitely get that it can be, having been there. There was once a time in my life that the fear of being fat or unattractive was worse than my fear of death - 100 per cent serious there.

    I think too that there is something that emanates from someone who is comfortable and happy in themselves and lives a healthy life and respects their body which goes way beyond what is conventionally seen as being attractive.

    I think it does make likffe easier but not only because you are more accepted by the world.....as I said before, it is just one less thing to worry about and it is something that I have just always put effort into.
    I was not very serious in relation to my daggy mum comments eiter.....


 

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