+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0

    Default looking for advice on how to help a friend who just lost her husband

    A friend of mine through mothers/playgroup (whom I've know for 4.5 years) lost her husband 2 days ago in the middle of the night very unexpectedly and and suddenly, he was only in his early 30s and they have 2 young girls (5 & 3). I haven't spoken to her yet and am wondering what I can do for her and what to say. she has a strong support network of close friends and family. I don't want to tread on anyones toes but I want to show my support and let her know I'm here and that she is in my thoughts. One Mum went there today with flowers for her and gifts for her children. our mothers group is planning to get them a tree to plant in their dads/husbands honour. I'm wondering if anyone has any good ideas on what I can do or get for her that is maybe a little unique but thoughtful and and meaningful. And any other advice on the situation, if anyone can speak from experience, would be very much appreciated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    1,434
    Thanks
    18
    Thanked
    23
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Perhaps make her some meals for the freezer she can just reheat, last thing she prob feels like doing is cooking for herself or her DD's. Just a thought. Love the tree idea by the way

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    665
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    so sorry to hear that about your friend , i feel for her,
    a good friend of mine also lost her husband suddenly he died in the shower of a heart attack she had a very rough year she lost her unborn baby at 7 months , her husband died and her mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer all while she was raising her 1 year old twins,
    it was a very hard time but all you can really do is be there for your friend and let her know she has friends who love her and will be there when she needs them

    my experience was in the begining my friend had a lot of family and support maybe too much if any it took her a long time for it to sink in as she always had ppl around her and was so busy with her babies she never had time to grieve , the best thing i would say is remind her its ok to cry and grieve, yes she has a family to look after still but she will be no use to them if she doesnt remember about her self

    meals like the PP said is a good idea , and maybe offer to just sit with her sometimes you dont even need to say anything , my friend and i spend many hours once the kids were in bed just sitting looking at photos and she would tell me stories about her husband

    (gosh im getting teary thinking about it )
    your friend will be ok , time heals , i dont really have any ideas other than that of what you can do for her now , but over time and when you think she is up for it my friend and i made a huge photos board (about the size of there pool table) of photos of his family and had it framed as her boys were only 1 when he died they will never remember there dad it was a great way for her to have something of him for them (and her) to have around for ever
    she is now remarried 8 years on and it still hangs in there lounge room

    big to you and your friend
    Last edited by pinkfluffymarshmellows; 07-02-2010 at 02:47.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    14,928
    Thanks
    458
    Thanked
    3,017
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by kirst85 View Post
    Perhaps make her some meals for the freezer she can just reheat, last thing she prob feels like doing is cooking for herself or her DD's. Just a thought. Love the tree idea by the way
    When we had 2 deaths in the family at the same time this really helped mum. We hadso much food from frinds in the fridge it was so helpful and thoughtful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    2,011
    Thanks
    17
    Thanked
    74
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by kirst85 View Post
    Perhaps make her some meals for the freezer she can just reheat, last thing she prob feels like doing is cooking for herself or her DD's. Just a thought. Love the tree idea by the way
    The meals are a great idea as it us one less thing she has to think about. I aslo love the tree idea.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    1,627
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked
    46
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    maybe buy her a really nice journal so she can write down how she's feeling?? Not sure, but I love to write things down so that would be perfect for me

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    9,294
    Thanks
    733
    Thanked
    1,236
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I lost my first husband in a car accident when he was 31. I have to say I don't think flowers, journals etc are really helpful at this time - they may be nice gestures but this woman's universe has just been annihilated. At the moment she just needs support to not lose everything else while she tries to process this. Practical help, cook food, pick up kids from school (if she wishes) mow the lawn, financial help, etc.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    2,834
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by kirst85 View Post
    Perhaps make her some meals for the freezer she can just reheat, last thing she prob feels like doing is cooking for herself or her DD's. Just a thought. Love the tree idea by the way

    I would definately suggest meals... even offering to take her kids for some playdates so she can have some time... my cousins husband died suddenly too leaving 3 kids under 6 it was a really traumatic time, so I would say anything practical is the way to go... and just ask her too when you see her if there is anything practical you can do...

    Maire I cant imagine what that would be like...

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    885
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked
    8
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    i think the meals would be handy to have, and also just letting her know that you are there for her no matter what. Im so sorry for your friend.

    And Maire - huge hugs for you, i couldnt imagine losing my husband.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    13,845
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    5
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Same thing happened to a friend of mine, her hubby was killed in an accident when their baby was only 8 weeks old. It's horrible! She still isn't over it and the little girl turns 7 soon. Food for the freezer was something that helped, also because of the state she was in she stopped breastfeeding because it just all got too hard so people taking the bottles, sterilising them and returning them full with enough for a whole day was another thing she found helped, otherwise she'd get into a zone and just forget to feed the baby. She said she'd hear her screaming but then zone out and an hour would pass then she'd hear her screaming again and realise an hour had gone by and she must have been screaming that whole time. By having bottles already made up in the fridge she just got one out and gave it to her cold. Heating it up in the state she was in would have been a dangerous thing to do.

    The girls are older, so taking them for a morning, afternoon, whole day, sleepovers, whatever it is that you think might help is another good suggestion.

    The other thing is just to let her know you're there for her as much as she needs right now. She'll probably feel numb and not say much but just keep talking to her even if there's limited response.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Think I may have lost a friend.
    By diesal444 in forum Family & Friends
    Replies: 51
    Last Post: 03-07-2012, 21:42
  2. Advice Please Husband Looking At Womens Behinds
    By jennyfish in forum Family & Friends
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 01-06-2012, 23:16
  3. Advice please (re crazy ex-husband.. again.. of course)
    By murrythecat in forum Single Parents
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 20-04-2012, 13:22

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
Impressionable KidsImpressionable Kids are Australia's leader in framed children's memorabilia and specialise in framed baby hand and feet ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
Ttc 2021Conception & Fertility General Chat
Gift ideaGeneral Chat
Iron infusionsPregnancy & Birth General Chat
Zierra Shoes?General Chat
Weekend ChatGeneral Chat

ADVERTISEMENT