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  1. #31
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    I get annoyed with the continual flow of super cheap plastic crap from my MIL - which ALL ends up STAYING at her place. She's a fan of the $2 bag of toys are a "hot dollar" type place... ya know... the one that clearly says Ages 3+ - may be a choking hazard for small children...

    .... WHY give it to our 1 year old? or 6 month old as he was at the time these gifts began?

    DP just says if she doesn't take it home its going in the bin - so she takes the crap home.

    I'm not particularly fussed with toys, I LOVE wooden toys, but its not an issue in my household. Though given a choice between a charactor toy and a non-charactor toy, I'll take the non charactor toy. I DO however like "disney" clothing, but not for the winnie-the-pooh images, I just think they make super cute clothes again, if I could choose it without, I'd take without though.

    But... yeah... annoying when people dont respect the simpliest of requests - its not like your demanding she BUYS wooden toys, your saying DONT buy plastic ones...

    silly silly

  2. #32
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    Ah yes.... the dreaded MIL syndrome- I'm the Nanna, I'm allowed to get them/do things for them that are naughty.

    My MIL was soooo like that in the early days.... enough lectures later and finally she is starting to get the picture- it also helps that she thinks we are doing a great job parenting our kids- so seems to think maybe our choices are working- but it took us a LONG time to get there!

    Quote Originally Posted by RoarsomeMum View Post
    But it is.. it is about that. when you boil the surface mess off.

    Your not an "Island" to yourself is something I had to learn pretty quick after Roar was born. We planned Soooooooooooooooooo meticulously what we wanted for our child.. (and what we did not want) never once taking into account she was not going to be just "our child" she was a granddaughter and a niece and a cousin and a great grandaughter and 2nd cousin.. and all of those people had dreams of what they would do with her too.

    We had to make tough choices.. No time at Nana's till she understood what we wanted from her and what Roar needed to keep a safe consistency in her life. No time with Aunty Gail till she stops smoking or is willing to changer her top. and those people, when we were FIRM about our needs and wants and their were real consequences, stepped up. We also made allowances, to keep her up later for carols by candlelight as Nana was really wanting to share the experience with her, or allow her to have a play in Uncle Richies pool (even though we would have liked to wait a few extra months) To share her.. her love, her experiences.. even when I see no merit in them, who KNOWS what she gets out of them. (we weigh up safety and health and likelyhood of enjoments and go from there.. each time, seperately.)

    We were lucky enough to not need the family in terms of babysitting or childcare.

    It's never nice to feel like your parenting choices are disrespected.. (wonder if MIL feels like her's are too?)

    stick to your guns, but be aware of the impact. Be kind and be firm, and if need to, be away untill they come round.
    Great Post, I totally agree with this- pick the issues that are most important to you- then find ones you can comprimise on so that they feel like they are getting some chances!

    Quote Originally Posted by emsfirstbaby View Post
    But how would MIL have felt if she had her parenting choices questione when she was a mum.... i am sure she would have felt the same...
    I think a lot of older generations parents- mothers and MIL's tend to project their wishes onto us as a justification for their parenting choices- ie- 'I gave my bub bottles, so its ok if you do too' kinda thing- My Mum is obsessed with trying to force a dummy onto DS2, and all of us had dummies, and I kinda think its her way of making herself ok for her choices IYKWIM?!

  3. #33
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    JUST LOST MY POST
    Annonymouse, emsfirstbaby & nic255 we should start a group!
    I do have to say though that I am probably way more lenient than any of you, I was adament to the point of obsession that DS was not to have "character" things but he does have a few "wiggles" singlets, a dorothy and a tombliboo toy. The Wiggles and the Night Garden are the only tv (dvds) he watches (about 1hour a wk). I so agree about the crappy plastic toys, and LOVE wooden toys. There is something wonderful about seeing a child develop without directional forcing of objects. To stimulate them with conversation, interaction and imagination is such a joy!
    I do have a question though, RElastic, are you anti in all aspects of you home, ie. food containers (obviously the bad ones, but the "safe" ones)? I love my tupperware. Also, did have a baby swing which Im sure would have had plastic in it somewhere.... so Im not nazi strict like I thought I would be when I was preg.
    PS. Also homeschooler here!!!

  4. #34
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    I can understand how this would be very irritating. It's basically like having someone say to you "Oh, well it's your kid - and your choice, but when he's over at my house I'll let him play with toys that *I* think are appropriate". This simply isn't on.

    You've made your decisions for your bub very clear to this woman. In-laws (especially MIL's) unfortunately do have a habit of sticking their noses in, not respecting the parents wishes, being the grandparent they want to be etc. And while I'm sure this woman's heart IS in the right place and while I'm sure her intentions are nothing more than a doting, proud granny, she does need to be told to back off by not only her son but also by you...in the most non-aggressive way possible of course.

    I'd simply make your decisions and your choices known to her AGAIN, and tell her (not ask her) to respect them. That way everyone's happy

  5. #35
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    Oh my god, revolting woman. Sounds just like my MIL.

    I have no advice other than just try and cut down the contact I have to have with her. Thats all I've found that works.

  6. #36
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    You have to pick your battles. I don't mean to belittle your beliefs or patronise you, but often people are idealistic when it comes to their first child (is this your first child?), and because of this, others may ignore your wishes. I would never buy anyone anything that they had expressed a dislike for, however I might have a bit of a chuckle to myself. Your MIL should respect your wishes, but you need to realise that as your children get older, you cannot control everything they are exposed to. If you take a strong stand on absolutely everything, such as gifts, you may find that people eventually just drift away from you. I have a relative who insisted on no plastic, no pink, no books that she hadn't read and approved, no synthetic toys and no mass-produced products. I knitted her child a bear for her first birthday and stopped giving presents after that because thinking about it was just plain exhausting.

    What I am trying to say is that if this is really important to you, by all means, say something. However, be aware that if you do this with EVERYTHING that bothers you (and believe me, there's a lot as a child gets older), you'll exhaust yourself and become so high-maintenance that people may stop bothering with your child. There are many things that happen at Nana's house that don't happen in my home, but my children know that. My son doesn't ask for the things that his nanas give him because he knows that they're a treat and they don't happen at home. I don't like toys that are developmentally beyond him or things that I deem dangerous and I'd put my foot down at that (eg. he has expressed a liking for skateboards but I think he's too young and it's too dangerous so I would not allow it to be bought from him by anyone), but he's been given stuff before that I hate (crappy plastic stuff with a million little parts that break within a week) and I just have to deal with that and get rid of it once it inevitably breaks.

  7. #37
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    what happens at grandmas stays at grandmas in this house! My 13 mo DD is the youngest of my 5 children and the only one with grandparents! my parents and the grandparents of my other 4 have nothing at all to do with them, so grandparents are a new experience for me. I feel like I cant complain because these two loving people have adopted my other 4 as their own grand children However they are also the plastic crap , sugar treat laden givers that grandparents seem to think they should be.
    To keep things civil and sane we have all agreed that if they want to give the kids treats and ice cream and stuff they can...... at their house. If nanna want to buy plastic crap to apease her own self, she can and it stays at her house etc etc we only go to their house once a month or so though, and they come to ours about the same.... when they come they now dont bring plastic crap etc they bring a coin for the kids money box, that they supplied. works for us!
    Good luck

  8. #38
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    Eco Goddess is offline Loving life under the Bodhi tree!
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    Quote Originally Posted by ANonnyMouse View Post
    This year I selected my favourite ecotoy website, and sent out links to it saying that we were eyeing up a few things on it and would appreciate gift vouchers from there if anyone wasn't sure what to buy.
    Thats a great idea! I've started my own blog and have been putting links to items I want to get for our bub...hoping this will help friends and family if they wish to buy things.

    Quote Originally Posted by emsfirstbaby View Post
    Are you my TWIN???!!!

    LOL

    same personal philosophy....

    same schooling ideas....

    Same job......

    Are you stalking me ... LOL

    good to see I am not alone in what i believe!!!!!
    Thats a little eerie huhMy best mate and I always say we are kindred spirits,as she is exactly the same!

    Quote Originally Posted by ANonnyMouse View Post
    We're the same, and managed it with DD in a "normal" school, although it was hard when all her classmates had expensive plastic crap. One even gave her a $100 barbie doll for her birthday! uckily I brought her up well enough that she knows wat consumerism is, and the difference between wants and needs, and that just because other parents choose that sort of thing for their kids doesn't mean we have to compromise our own values.

    She rang the other day to tell me about her friend, whose family is poor. For Xmas this girl got $475 worth of Smiggle stuff, plus a whole lot of electronic toys and games, plus $150 cash to spend as she wanted. All this just from her mum and dad, despite the fact that they apparently can't afford new clothes or much food. DD was perfectly happy with her few small presents and didn't feel left out for not getting as much as her friend, even though we can afford it. I'm very proud of her for that.
    Good on you for doing such a great job with your DD She sounds really responsible. The last part of your post actually reminds me of MIL... they struggle financially and yet 9year old BIL got about $500 worth of stuff for his birthday yesterday mainly stuff for the Wii and brand name clothes. I couldnt imagine spending that much on our child's birthday and we could afford to if we wanted to.

    Quote Originally Posted by sunshinebub View Post

    To the OP, I think you sound like a wonderful caring mum who is going to provide a fantastic healthy environment for you child. Your family should listen to you as you are the mother..your child your choice as is mine! best wishes.....
    Thanks

    Quote Originally Posted by brogeybear View Post
    JUST LOST MY POST
    Annonymouse, emsfirstbaby & nic255 we should start a group!
    I do have to say though that I am probably way more lenient than any of you, I was adament to the point of obsession that DS was not to have "character" things but he does have a few "wiggles" singlets, a dorothy and a tombliboo toy. The Wiggles and the Night Garden are the only tv (dvds) he watches (about 1hour a wk). I so agree about the crappy plastic toys, and LOVE wooden toys. There is something wonderful about seeing a child develop without directional forcing of objects. To stimulate them with conversation, interaction and imagination is such a joy!
    I do have a question though, RE plastic, are you anti in all aspects of you home, ie. food containers (obviously the bad ones, but the "safe"ones)? I love my tupperware. Also, did have a baby swing which Im sure would have had plastic in it somewhere.... so Im not nazi strict like I thought I would be when I was preg.
    PS. Also homeschooler here!!!
    Yay! Nice to come across another with similar beliefs! We are pretty firm with most things in our household, but there is always room for improvement!

    Quote Originally Posted by Pinkvanillaz View Post
    And while I'm sure this woman's heart IS in the right place and while I'm sure her intentions are nothing more than a doting, proud granny, she does need to be told to back off by not only her son but also by you...in the most non-aggressive way possible of course.
    You are spot on - her heart is in the right place and I dont want to hurt her feelings cos I know she is just excited about her first grandchild. Its just so hard to balance it!

    Quote Originally Posted by WitchHazel View Post
    You have to pick your battles. I don't mean to belittle your beliefs or patronise you, but often people are idealistic when it comes to their first child (is this your first child?), and because of this, others may ignore your wishes. I would never buy anyone anything that they had expressed a dislike for, however I might have a bit of a chuckle to myself. Your MIL should respect your wishes, but you need to realise that as your children get older, you cannot control everything they are exposed to. If you take a strong stand on absolutely everything, such as gifts, you may find that people eventually just drift away from you. I have a relative who insisted on no plastic, no pink, no books that she hadn't read and approved, no synthetic toys and no mass-produced products. I knitted her child a bear for her first birthday and stopped giving presents after that because thinking about it was just plain exhausting.

    What I am trying to say is that if this is really important to you, by all means, say something. However, be aware that if you do this with EVERYTHING that bothers you (and believe me, there's a lot as a child gets older), you'll exhaust yourself and become so high-maintenance that people may stop bothering with your child. There are many things that happen at Nana's house that don't happen in my home, but my children know that. My son doesn't ask for the things that his nanas give him because he knows that they're a treat and they don't happen at home. I don't like toys that are developmentally beyond him or things that I deem dangerous and I'd put my foot down at that (eg. he has expressed a liking for skateboards but I think he's too young and it's too dangerous so I would not allow it to be bought from him by anyone), but he's been given stuff before that I hate (crappy plastic stuff with a million little parts that break within a week) and I just have to deal with that and get rid of it once it inevitably breaks.
    That is really wise advice I think a lot of people think I am just being idealistic and maybe I am, but I cant help my beliefs! I definitely see your point though and think I will need to just grin and bear some things while continuing to share our beliefs with MIL and ecouraging her to respect them!


 

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