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  1. #11
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    I get where you are coming from!!!! and totally have the same problem!!!

    Like you, I do not wish my child to have any character stuff or any "plastic toys". I have done my research into this and am trained in child care and see the difference this can make in childrens immaginative and all round development....

    I do have issues with ppl not respecting this - but on the whole ppl have been pretty good... my MIL actually asked if i could go shopping with her one day to show her the kinds of things i liked... i was gobsmakcked!! that was seriosu effort...... BUT she does not respect my clothing choices and buys me all sorts of crap that she knows that dh and i dont like...grrr.... suppose one out of 2 aint bad....

    maybe you could suggest to go shopping with her....?? if you could handle this... i srtuggled with it but it was worth it......


    I dont think the issue is about how "easy going" or having bigger fish to fry, i think it is about respecting choices that the OP makes for her family........

  2. #12
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    Oh yes, big problems. I remember when BS was born I said I wanted him to only get one or two presents from everybody and thats it. The looks family gave me were ridiculous. Of course, everyone ignored me. He now gets spoilt from his dads family, stepmums family, My family, and mildly (because they listen) my DP'S family. The result? BS is now a six year old who doesnt care about presents. My nana for christmas gave him two big santa sacks stuffed with little crap we threw out, one major present, and two little gift bags. All of this from one person who constantly says she cant afford much because shes a pensioner. Granted, I know that BS is the first child of this generation in the family, thats what happens when you have them young, but still. BS was more excited opening one gift the next day from my grandad, then he ever is all of christmas day.

    Family just dont listen. They will always assume they know more and better than you. My sister who has just had her baby had said that she was going to talk to nana and ask her not to give the baby that many toys. And seeing as I have another baby on the way, we are hoping that having two new babies will make her realise she needs to spread her finances a bit more.

    Sorry I have no real practical advice, but I get what you mean and have sympathy. Unfortunately I dont think there is much you can do about it. Although I am secretly planning to threaten to not take the kids to see her at christmas, especially seeing as she gave SS not even a quarter of what BS got. He may only be two, but he will notice that kind of stuff eventually.

  3. #13
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    I say thank you, then put it away out of sight to regift at a later date. I can't stop them buying stuff like that, but I don't feel bad about them wasting their money if they've been warned already that it's not an appropriate toy in this household.

    If the toy is only to be kept at grandparents house, then I don't realy care, as I would be there as well and can steer him away from that stuff.

  4. #14
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    I've been in this situation and basically I figure when we're visiting my son's grandparents and great-grandparents they should be allowed to spoil him as they see fit. That's their job. Why should you be allowed to police what they buy in their house for him?

    You say you only want wood toys and you're offended your mil bought a plastic play gym ~ where are you going to get a safe wooden one for your child? Be grateful that she's taking an interest and wants to be a part of your childs life.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by tawm View Post
    You say you only want wood toys and you're offended your mil bought a plastic play gym ~ where are you going to get a safe wooden one for your child?
    Why do assume that a plastic gym is safer than a wooden one? There are plenty of places around that specialise in quality wooden toys made from sustainable wood, thatr are safe, non-toxic, and long lasting.

  6. #16
    RoarsomeMum's Avatar
    RoarsomeMum is offline Right to speak, responsibility to listen..
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    Quote Originally Posted by emsfirstbaby View Post
    I dont think the issue is about how "easy going" or having bigger fish to fry, i think it is about respecting choices that the OP makes for her family........
    But it is.. it is about that. when you boil the surface mess off.

    Your not an "Island" to yourself is something I had to learn pretty quick after Roar was born. We planned Soooooooooooooooooo meticulously what we wanted for our child.. (and what we did not want) never once taking into account she was not going to be just "our child" she was a granddaughter and a niece and a cousin and a great grandaughter and 2nd cousin.. and all of those people had dreams of what they would do with her too.

    We had to make tough choices.. No time at Nana's till she understood what we wanted from her and what Roar needed to keep a safe consistency in her life. No time with Aunty Gail till she stops smoking or is willing to changer her top. and those people, when we were FIRM about our needs and wants and their were real consequences, stepped up. We also made allowances, to keep her up later for carols by candlelight as Nana was really wanting to share the experience with her, or allow her to have a play in Uncle Richies pool (even though we would have liked to wait a few extra months) To share her.. her love, her experiences.. even when I see no merit in them, who KNOWS what she gets out of them. (we weigh up safety and health and likelyhood of enjoments and go from there.. each time, seperately.)

    We were lucky enough to not need the family in terms of babysitting or childcare.

    It's never nice to feel like your parenting choices are disrespected.. (wonder if MIL feels like her's are too?)

    stick to your guns, but be aware of the impact. Be kind and be firm, and if need to, be away untill they come round.
    Last edited by RoarsomeMum; 19-01-2010 at 11:37.

  7. #17
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    I would speak to her in private not when she has just brought the stuff over but sit down and explain to her WHY you don't like the things you don't like. I think she might not understand WHY you do certain things.
    Maybe if she has a clearer understanding of why you do the thing you do then she might be more careful with what she buys.


    BTW out of curiousity why can't they have "characters"? Do you mean just like wiggles, thomas or characters in books also like say a Peter Rabbit Book?
    I'm just wondering...
    And is this something that you are teaching only till they go to school?
    I'm not bagging you at all I'm just very interested.

  8. #18
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    no you are not an island unto yourself, i agree... there are many roles that children play....

    But how would MIL have felt if she had her parenting choices questione when she was a mum.... i am sure she would have felt the same...

    She should respect the choices made by her g/child's parents.... there are implications for this and it may mean that you "put them out" for a bit.... but there are obviosuly reasons for your choices, so why cant they understand that....




    Go with what you want.......!!!! :-)

  9. #19
    Eco Goddess's Avatar
    Eco Goddess is offline Loving life under the Bodhi tree!
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    Thanks for all the responses so far

    Quote Originally Posted by ILovePink View Post
    I

    TBTH though I don't understand your ban on plastic toys and brand name things (I know this statement totally goes against the title of this thread). I respect your decision but I don't get what is so wrong with them. As far as character branded items they are everywhere!!!! How are you going to go past them at the shops without your child wanting them every time he/she sees them. I think it is really nice that your MIL has taken an interest and has gone out of her way to get you some things. Although you may not like them it really is the thought that counts. Like other people have said if you don't like them, don't use them or donate them to charity because there are plently of underprivledged kids that would just LOVE them!!!!
    My reasons include:
    * I dont like the chemicals used in plastic
    * I prefer using environmentally friendly products - such as sustainable timber
    * In regards to the characters - I do not like how they become an obsession with children. I see it every day at work and it just doesnt sit well with me.


    I guess we have a bit of a personal philosophy that underpins why we make these choices:
    I believe (not everyone needs to agree with this, it is simply my experience and research in early childhood development that has swayed me) that children only need simple things and do not need an abundance of toys etc. I run a child care centre that offers children open ended toys (e.g. basic timber blocks) that encourage the child to develop their imagination and their own ideas. That is really important to me. So far we have not bought one toy for our bub - we have been given a small timber car and a timber pram hanging. But I know that he will gain so much through things we will do with him and the time we will spend with him.

    As for what I will do when we walk past a shop and our son sees character branded stuff - I wont do anything. Like most things in life, you dont always get what you want and I hope that by providing our son with other meaningful things we will be doing the best that we can do.

    You are right about giving things to charity - I am a big believer in donating things that dont suit us, I just dont want people to spend money on things only for us to then donate them because we dont want them IYKWIM?

    Quote Originally Posted by emsfirstbaby View Post
    I get where you are coming from!!!! and totally have the same problem!!!

    Like you, I do not wish my child to have any character stuff or any "plastic toys". I have done my research into this and am trained in child care and see the difference this can make in childrens immaginative and all round development....

    I dont think the issue is about how "easy going" or having bigger fish to fry, i think it is about respecting choices that the OP makes for her family........
    Yay! Its nice to hear that! I dont want it to be that this is what I think everyone should do, but it is what DP and I have decided is right for our family

    Quote Originally Posted by tawm View Post
    I've been in this situation and basically I figure when we're visiting my son's grandparents and great-grandparents they should be allowed to spoil him as they see fit. That's their job. Why should you be allowed to police what they buy in their house for him?

    You say you only want wood toys and you're offended your mil bought a plastic play gym ~ where are you going to get a safe wooden one for your child? Be grateful that she's taking an interest and wants to be a part of your childs life.
    I should be allowed to police what they by for my son because he is my son. Its like saying that I dont want him to drink juice and they continually give him juice... its a choice we have made as parents and while I want his grandparents to be involved, it is not up to them.

    There are some beautiful wooden play gyms available online made from sustainable timber DP might actually make one for our bub as he is very handy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Anushka View Post

    BTW out of curiousity why can't they have "characters"? Do you mean just like wiggles, thomas or characters in books also like say a Peter Rabbit Book?
    I'm just wondering...
    And is this something that you are teaching only till they go to school?
    I'm not bagging you at all I'm just very interested.
    We intend to either homeschool or send our children to our local Steiner school, where these things are discrouaged anyway. I dont think we would be able to do it if we werent choosing a schooling option that supported our personal beliefs.
    Last edited by Eco Goddess; 19-01-2010 at 12:04.

  10. #20
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    3'llhavetodo is offline Before we as mothers can look after our loved ones we must first look after ourselves
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    If you have repeatedly told her your preferences then I'd keep taking them and quite obviously throw them out. MIL keeps buying things I don't want my kids having or aren't suitable and won't listen so I just keep throwing them out. Eventually the stupid thing should get the idea.


 

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