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  1. #1
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    Eco Goddess is offline Loving life under the Bodhi tree!
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    Default How do you deal with other people not respecting the choices you make for you family?

    For as long as I can remember (even before we were TTC) I have been adamant with EVERYONE about some of the things I want and dont want for our bub. One of the biggest is No plastic toys and no "character" things (e.g. Wiggles, Thomas etc...) We love timber toys and are very big on kids being kids and having a natural, authentic childhood.

    So a few weeks ago MIL comes out with this huge bright red Elmo chair for bub. I made it clear how I feel about that stuff, but conceded that if it stayed at her house I could handle that.

    Well last night she brings out these hideous plastic things...1 was a baby walker (which I hate anyway, as they can be really unsafe) with all plastic things hanging off it and the other was a play gym. DP said to MIL "You're just trying to annoy her arent you?!" (in a joking voice) and she said "why they're cute." I reminded her yet again that we dont want plastic for our bub and she said "but these are to stay here. He'll love coming to Grandmas cos I'll have the fun stuff."

    I feel like we are being undermined and our choice to not expose our son to that stuff (no offence to those who like it - each to their own!) is being disrespected.

    Would love to hear other experiences like this and how you handle it...I feel like I am just being ignored!

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    I would accept it, with a gracious eye rolling and 'why thank you', and then put it away in a spare room or shed or whatever, or give it to a friend to use....

    Just because she has given it to you doesn't mean you HAVE to use it

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    Obviously she feels quite strongly about the opposite to you and being the grandmother feels like she has some kind of say in the matter.

    You need to speak to her very clearly about it again I think. I mean, if he wants to buy stuff for her grandchild, why cant she buy cute wooden stuff, kwim. You need to nip it in the bud now otherwise this will go on forever and cause friction.

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    I have found my MIL often doesn't listen to me when it comes to my parenting. I have said over and over that i don't want DD to have cordial or juice but she still tries to offer it - so when she does i very firmly reminds her it is not on. She would stop but try again next visit so i got DH to very firmly tell her that DD only has water or milk and since then it hasn't been a problem. So maybe get DP to be firmer with her - they seem to listen to their sons more.
    You have to really be firm otherwise they will just keep pushing it (i've found) - we have a policy of no loud toys so course that is what MIL always buys DD. We have a rule where any loud toys become special toys that stay with the person who gave them (so noones gives them anymore, except MIL) and we stick by that rule. If someone gives us a toy we don't agree with we will either take it and never use it or if it is family tell them straight out we don't want DD having toys like that please don't buy them because we won't use them.

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    I agree that you should maybe get DP to speak firmly with her. I also agree that if she really wanted to get bubs something, to get something in line with what parents want. And even if it is at their house, if it is something that you dont want bub to be using, esp at such an early age, I think you have the parental righ to choose. It's the same as how my DS cant have gluten or dairy...now I guess its a bit dif since its not just "choice" but still, how dare anyone who knows give him milk I think it is rude. Fair enough if she didnt know, but if you have already expressed your wishes/concern than she is just trying to show her power/control, and that really does need to stop!
    HTH

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    We're not very strict on things however we do have a few rules including what she eats and what she plays with. Sometimes our rules get respected, sometimes they don't. My biggest rule is no holding her if you're smoking and my MILs bestfriend kept trying to take her while puffing away. I just had to be very firm, MIL got upset but I couldn't pay much attention to her being like because my child my choices.

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    I don't have many rules as far as eating, accept for things like -no soft drink accept for special occassions. Which most of my family have stuck to, accept for my Nan being the typical ethnic grandma offers my DS soft drink for breakfast when he is over there Luckily we are not there that often for breakfast!

    When it come to toys I have no restrictions at all, sometimes the size of a toy I have issues with (only cause we live in a 2 bedroom unit). Other than that is it.

    TBTH though I don't understand your ban on plastic toys and brand name things (I know this statement totally goes against the title of this thread). I respect your decision but I don't get what is so wrong with them. As far as character branded items they are everywhere!!!! How are you going to go past them at the shops without your child wanting them every time he/she sees them. I think it is really nice that your MIL has taken an interest and has gone out of her way to get you some things. Although you may not like them it really is the thought that counts. Like other people have said if you don't like them, don't use them or donate them to charity because there are plently of underprivledged kids that would just LOVE them!!!!

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    No I don't really get any of that. Probably cos I'm so easy going with everything. I don't have anything major that I'm against that doesn't seem unreasonable to others.

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    I think there are bigger fish to fry than worrying about something like that.....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    No I don't really get any of that. Probably cos I'm so easy going with everything. I don't have anything major that I'm against that doesn't seem unreasonable to others.
    This is me too. The only thing I have is no soft drink at all for DD1 (which is a constant battle with MIL) who is only 2.5. DD2 obviousely way too young.

    Pretty much anything else goes within reason.

    But I do understand the being undermined by others thing - drives me batty.


 

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