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  1. #41
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    Being a happy mum is great but I can be very happy and feed my bub junk at the same time, for example...do not think it will do any good even if I am super happy while doing so...
    knowing what to do is important (for me it is) as well as breastfeeding, feeding fresh food and always comforting a baby is also very, very important (I can not decide between those 3) + having a mum available all the time is also great for a bub I think
    toys maybe...but can be replaced
    cloth nappy and other babies' company...do not think so

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    Quote Originally Posted by Phyllis Stein View Post
    Not that there's a wrong or right answer to this question, but purely for argument's sake:

    A "happy, confident" mum is great, but it doesn't necessarily equate to a baby's developmental needs being met - that depends on so many factors, particularly her knowledge, resources and priorities.

    A mother who has PND (for instance) but is well supported, informed and resourced can still meet her baby's developmental needs, and where she falters, others can step in without the baby's needs being compromised.

    So to sidestep the huge variability that would exist among the parenting effectiveness of "happy, confident" mothers, I try to focus on what babies actually need and how best to help all parents (not just the "happy confident" ones!) meet those needs.

    Perhaps if the wording were changed from "happy, confident" parent to "well supported, informed and resourced" parent, I'd place it as a higher priority, too.

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    I think for a babies developement - the parent has to come first... as painful as it can be to put yourself first. I think a happy, well rested, well supported parent who is loved, loves themself, lives within their values, beliefs and integrity.... well... if you've got a parent(s) who has all that the rest will follow.

    And each child will be raised with a different order of importance, and some things wont make the list and new things will, and each child will grow up differently, but be assured of their parents love and devotion to them. And have a great model to set their own lives to. What more could you need?

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phyllis Stein View Post
    Not that there's a wrong or right answer to this question, but purely for argument's sake:

    A "happy, confident" mum is great, but it doesn't necessarily equate to a baby's developmental needs being met - that depends on so many factors, particularly her knowledge, resources and priorities.

    A mother who has PND (for instance) but is well supported, informed and resourced can still meet her baby's developmental needs, and where she falters, others can step in without the baby's needs being compromised.

    So to sidestep the huge variability that would exist among the parenting effectiveness of "happy, confident" mothers, I try to focus on what babies actually need and how best to help all parents (not just the "happy confident" ones!) meet those needs.

    Perhaps if the wording were changed from "happy, confident" parent to "well supported, informed and resourced" parent, I'd place it as a higher priority, too.
    Interesting perspective, and food for thought.

    I guess I see the most important thing is that Mum is ABLE to care for bubs!!!! Being happy and confident is in my mind a precurser to her being willing and able to be able to provide everything bubs needs.

    Above all, a child needs love, attention, affection and parents who put the child first.

    I know for myself, that I was a much better mother for giving up breastfeeding than I was while I was attempting to bf ..... simply because of the emotional and physical response to my own failures. Once I gave up, I was much happier, more confident, more able to love, care for and respond to my child ..... (As opposed to while trying to breastfeed I was forming major resentment, a complete mess and unable to care for her .....as much as I still loved her)

    I guess everyones own experiences shade their views .... for me, breastfeeding was an experience which opened my eyes to the importance of Mum's state of mind.

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    Being cuddled, talked to laughed at/with and smiled at a lot.
    being comforted when distressed
    having a happy and confident mum
    Being given milk and fresh food.
    access to a variety of developmentally appropriate toys.
    learning to self settle.
    Having a parent there full time for the first year.

    They are my list and as you can see I have completely missed some and I have added one which I think is the most important.


 

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