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  1. #101
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    I'm disappointed that recent posts have got to this point. The downside about internet forums, emails & even texting is that sometimes things get taken out of context and unfortunately end up upsetting people & in this case things have really got out of hand. It's really disappointing.
    As tens2many said...is this the over 40's section????
    I'm letting go of it, it's time to move on.

    Goldy - hope your scan went well, when is your FET?

    AFM - have passed the 12wk mark - the nuchal translucency scan is on Monday, hoping everything is looking good.

  2. #102
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    You know, I'm not suprised things have gotten out of hand. We are all going through so much with IVF, ED, and pregnancies - it's a wonder it doesn't happen more often.

    And part of the trouble is, although we are all connected through IVF, we are all on a different part of the journey and we all 'feel' different things during different parts. I certainly know I have. And the other problem is we have so many hormones and stresses running through our bodies and minds that we often don't know whether we are Arthur or Martha (I've decided I'd rather be Arthur - sorry Paul! - Arthur only has to do his thing in a cup. ps. that's just a joke!)

    I know I am in awe of every single person on this forum for their ability to take a thoroughly awful situation and continue to have hope and positivity to move forward.

    But I don't think that hope and positivity are the onlyl emotions we have. We feel sometimes angry, often fearful, annoyed at people who don't seem to understand what we are going through (I have come to terms with that now, because I've realised 'I' don't even understand what I'm going through most of the time and my emotions often change from day to day - often hour to hour, so how could anyone else IVF'er or non-infertile person understand how I feel!), angry at those non-infertile people who seem to judge us for being too old, or for not 'accepting' our lots in life, or who tell us to 'just relax' and it will happen for us etc, etc, etc.

    But I implore you all to remember this - no one knows what we are going through at any particular time - how can we? - often we don't get it ourselves!

    But there is one thing we are united by - IVF (and ART) is crap whether you've been through it once, three times, or 11 times. Whether you've done it with your own gametes or had the gift of a gamete from some wonderful and kind person you may know or may never know. It's horrible. HORRIBLE! (needles, tests, endless wands up the hoo hahs and especially the 2ww!)

    We should all be linking arms and walking down the street yelling 'look at us - we are the strongest women in the world! We absolutely, and very truly CAN do ANYTHING!

    I love you all for what you are going through.

    And I'm a bit selfish too. I need you ALL. I'm having a pretty tough time. Let me bore you with it (please forgive me - we aren't telling anyone but our closest family about this part of our journey so you can really see why I need you all to help me through).

    Because I need to go to China in two weeks time and my AF didn't arrive in time, I can't cycle this month. And it will eat into next month too because I won't be able to do the Lucrin injections for the next month. You see I can't take the refrigerated drugs over as I can't keep them refrigerated on the trip and China's view on fertility drugs is bit dim given their one child policy. But I can't NOT go to China. It's really important. I'm actually going there to meet my very first grandchild who is being born on Saturday! So as you can see, it's an incredibly important time for me and my son and his wife.

    So after much deliberation, I've decided to not cycle anymore with my own eggs. Next cycle is with an ED - and hopefully it will be in the next 3 months. Tough decision. Yep, a part of me felt I was giving up on my body I'm not going to deny it. A part of me felt like I was I was wasn't strong enough to go on. I am partially angry at myself, and partially angry because IVF and ART hasn't worked for me. All irrational, but all very real for me at the moment. And by this age, I'm sick of feeling guilty for the feelings I have. They are MY feelings and somehow I have to honour them and deal with them until they settle.

    But I have a problem with the oestrogen I've been having to take. I lost my sister four years ago to breast cancer which was an oestrogen postive cancer. It means taking oestrogen will make me very susceptible to it and I knew that the longer I was on it, the more I was playing with fire. And cancer fire is very dangerous to play with. All this playing with fire has been giving me a 3.3% of having a live birth. I know we all throw statistics out the window, and Lucky you are absolute proof that the statistics are just numbers, and maybe next cycle I was going to lay the 'golden egg' - but... I don't know, I just feel like luck has never been on my side. I only get anything through hard emotional journeys and persistance.

    There are also these other statistics out there that show me that I can lift my chances to 60% by using an ED and so I'm going to go for it. Just seeing that statistic fills my heart with joy knowing I could be holding my baby in my arms in around 12 months time. Of course this joy doesn't make all my angry feelings go away, so I'm currently up and down like a yo yo. But I know deep in my heart, it's the right decision for me. Now I just have to get everything else in my heart to settle down so I can be a bit calmer about it all.

    We've decided not to tell people we know about this because although I'm a very open person and usually tell everyone I know about everything that's happening to me, the downside is that it puts a lot of pressure on me. And this is the end of the line for me. And although 60 out of 100 people who do this end up with a baby, that means that 40 people don't. So if my outcome is in the 40% it will be hard to take. And if I'm dealing with that, I don't need to be dealing with everyone else's disappointment, wierdness, not knowing what to say to me, saying the wrong thing, blah blah blah. And worse still having silly uninformed opinions on ED (gosh I dread that bit!).

    So you see ladies. I'm conflicted. And I'm in a bit of emotional pain. So sorry you lot, you will have to get the brunt of my pain to help me through. Anyone one up for giving a fellow sister (or fellow IVF'er in your case Paul!) a bit of support through my emotional but very exciting time? Gosh I hope so.

    Love to you all.

    PS. I'm having a hysteroscopy tomorrow. I have no idea what they show, but apparently it's important. Wonder why I've never had one before?

    Kismet - so excited about your scan. I hope you can upload your photos to your profile.

    Goldy - I've got everything crossed for your FET this time.

    Keep the updates coming on all your pregnancies. I love hearing them.

  3. #103
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    PennyPC your post was very moving and heartfelt I sincerly hope the ED journey will end happily for you with a
    I also couldnt agree more regarding the conflict weve seen here lately. I know I for one was a hormonal mess whilst going through ivf and then after during early pregnancy. Its taken ages for it to really sink in that it worked for me, Dh and I nearly have to pinch ourselves sometimes.
    My dh too is younger than me and had no children of his own.. I'd stupidly had a tubal ligation in my late twenties when my children were both very young one with special needs and one very active and demanding toddler at that time, never in a million years could I ever see myself actually wanting to go through that again! fast forward 10 years and things change.. I nearly ended our relationship knowing how much dh wanted to be a dad and I felt it would be impossibe for ivf to ever work having heard stories of others going through many cycles without success. But it did work on the lucky 3rd go!! and it will for you too!! 60% sound like awesome odds to me!
    On a sad note, i'm so so sorry to hear you lost your sister to breast cancer..what a terrible loss that would have been. My sister also has been diagnosed twice and is now on temoxofin.
    Wishing you all the very best
    x

  4. #104
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    Default Crap lining scan.

    Hi lovely ladies,

    well I had my lining scan on Wednesday and for the first time it was really crappy. It had only just made it to 5mm by day 10. So I'm off to have another one on Monday and depending on how that is I will get a date for our next frozen transfer. Unfortunately my beautiful boy is in Sydney at the moment so he might miss out on the transfer which is a bummer, as he comes to every one of my appointments!!!

    I will let you know how it all goes,

    all the best to each and every one of you wherever you may be in your journey!!!!

    Goldy

  5. #105
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    PennyPC - thank you for sharing your feelings. Don't feel bad about pouring it on us, this is what everyone is here for, support. IVF is about alot of things & one of them is making hard decisions, you are doing the right thing for you & your partner,don't forget that. All women go through a grieving process when they have to make the ED decision, it's totally normal. You might have mixed emotions right now but you also sound positive that you have made the right decision and now you can only go forward, I really hope it's a happy outcome for you. Enjoy your trip to China and enjoy your new grandchild, it's a special moment in your life.

    Goldy - sending you good for your FET.

    Jo101 - we are lucky we have choices and options to give things a go b/c you never know what life is going to deal you. What a blessing that you did give it ago.

  6. #106
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    Hi all,

    A quick (and much more postive) post to let you know that I am officially a Grandma! My grandson was born by C-section yesterday at 9:45 (China time). His english name is Lawrence. He won't be given a Chinese name until he is one month old as they are following their tradition and accordingly he has a nickname til then of Qing Ting (pr. Ching Ting) which means dragonfly. He was 3.7kgs at birth and by Chinese standards is a little fattie!

    I have photos and videos and I've heard him cry, but now I can't wait to get over there to have a big cuddle!

    Will catch up next week with personals and info on my ED journey which is progressing at a rate of knots, but I just wanted to share my great news with you all!

  7. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by PennyPC View Post
    Hi all,

    A quick (and much more postive) post to let you know that I am officially a Grandma! My grandson was born by C-section yesterday at 9:45 (China time). His english name is Lawrence. He won't be given a Chinese name until he is one month old as they are following their tradition and accordingly he has a nickname til then of Qing Ting (pr. Ching Ting) which means dragonfly. He was 3.7kgs at birth and by Chinese standards is a little fattie!

    I have photos and videos and I've heard him cry, but now I can't wait to get over there to have a big cuddle!

    Will catch up next week with personals and info on my ED journey which is progressing at a rate of knots, but I just wanted to share my great news with you all!
    Oh Penny!! What fabulous news!! Heartfelt congratulations to you, your DS, DDI ... ah the whole family!! What a blessing!

    Welcome to the world little fattie! Love the name Lawrence and love Quin Ting ... I've got a thing for dragonflies

  8. #108
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    For those who can cope with bubba photos, I've uploaded a few of my grandson to my profile. Thanks for your well wishes Lucky2B, I'm pretty excited and really proud.

    It's so nice that my son is texting and calling every few hours for parenting advice. My best piece was that babies are really resilient and can pretty much withstand anything - even being dropped. Though I heavily discourage anyone dropping a baby of course so he'd better be super careful on that front! He's so proud and overwhelmed all at the same time. These are the moments that make me remember how much I want another one and for my darling DP to be able to experience the same feelings as this one day.

    Here's to everyone of us getting to experience our children having children. Everyone here is so deserving of the experience!

  9. #109
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    Penny PC that was an awesome post. Wonderful and wise words. I am so excited about your ED journey, I really hope that you are one of the 60%! Congratulations also on your grandsons arrival!

    Quick update from me....still on the testosterone patches. My period is still not here and its now 9 days overdue (and yes they have checked my HCG LOL)! Another blood test tomorrow morning and we will see what the old hormones are doing then.

    Am a bit frustrated abut things and was talking to one of my colleagues/friends at work about our recent IVF issues, and she just up and offered me an egg! Bless her, she has no idea what is involved in donating, so I cant take the offer seriously, but I felt so very blessed that she had offered.

  10. #110
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    Hi there,
    Just a quick update..scan went well, everything is as it should be and I was so excited to see bub moving, it's amazing that it's only 6.5cm long and can move around so much. I've been downgraded to low risk category so all is good I'm 13 weeks today.


    Pennypc - congratulations!!! How exciting..

    Drbeee -wear white undies & skirt/pants and it's sure to come!


 

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