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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I left because my ex is a cheating, manipulating a-hole. Why should I be paid less for that?

    I pay way, way above my obligated responsibilities to my child but I get no recognition either. It's "poor him" for being told to pay for way less than half his share.
    Yes I have allways paid more then ten times what my ex has paid, for most people CS doesn't even come close to covering half the basics let alone the cost of other things that I think are necessary for most children.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by sockstealingpoltergeist View Post
    Yes I have allways paid more then ten times what my ex has paid, for most people CS doesn't even come close to covering half the basics let alone the cost of other things that I think are necessary for most children.
    I agree. My friends ex pays $24 a month for 2 kids. Really, what does that buy? A few loaves of bread and a few cartons of milk. It's a joke and even then he's trying to get out of paying that

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeltronica View Post
    Are you kidding?

    Are you a single parent?

    This has to be one of the most ludicrous, badly thought out and offensive things I have ever read directed towards single parents.

    Have you really considered what you are essentially saying?

    Are you suggesting women should either have an abortion if they find themselves with low self esteem from say, an abusive child hood that leads her to be with a dead beat man if an unplanned, pr planned pregnancy does occur followed by a relationship that goes sour.. that or to shoulder the blame for the man being unable to act as a decent human being.... because she choose him?

    .

    That is ludicrous. And it's disgusting.
    Thank you for saying what i have been trying to put into words

    Cara i can only hope that one day you dont end up with a deadbeat ex as the father of your children or even worse...just a deadbeat husband that decides he wants to "relax" at the end of his day and not have to help with his kids the older and more mobile they get. You obviously have no idea what the single parents of this world have to go through. I was raised by a single mum. My own father STILL has to pay child support out of his aged pension despite the youngest now being nearly 22 because he built up such a massive debt. On the occasions that i had to ring and ask him for money so i could get stuff that mum couldnt afford i was told to just 'go without' or "he wasnt giving my mother nothin". He never once stopped to think about the fact it was his children he was depriving. So instead my own mother went without meals and clothes for us kids to have what we needed. And yet here you are trying to blame HER for being with a deadbeat for 25 years? How was she meant to know what he would be like when they split? Sheesh. Maybe you should start thinking outside of the box about what goes on OUTSIDE of your own life or maybe just leave topics alone that you have no understanding or experience of.
    Last edited by Wasnt Me; 24-11-2009 at 21:56.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaraT View Post
    Leading on from another thread, I am wondering..

    If two adults choose to create a child and then one of them fails to support that child, either emotionally or financially.. who should take responsiblity for this situation..
    it is pretty hard to answer considering we conceived without planning it.

    of course both parents should take responsibility however in saying that it is often not the case.

    where does that leave the poor child.

    my sons father has paid child support HOWEVER he got laid off so that means we both suffer, he is suffering as he has to sell his house etc etc as he has a single income and no-one to help him. I have to some how do without his child support until he gets back on his feet...whose fault neither of us.

    sometimes people have to rely on the government and we are lucky to be able to get something from them, by no means is it much and it is the poverty line.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeltronica View Post
    Are you kidding?

    Are you a single parent?

    This has to be one of the most ludicrous, badly thought out and offensive things I have ever read directed towards single parents.

    Have you really considered what you are essentially saying?

    Are you suggesting women should either have an abortion if they find themselves with low self esteem from say, an abusive child hood that leads her to be with a dead beat man if an unplanned, pr planned pregnancy does occur followed by a relationship that goes sour.. that or to shoulder the blame for the man being unable to act as a decent human being.... because she choose him?

    What about the partners that *gasp* appear to be decent only to walk out on a wife and kids or run off with someone else? The victims fault again for choosing them eh?
    .

    That is ludicrous. And it's disgusting.
    Ummm, yeah, I have to agree wholeheartedly....

  6. #26
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    Well i think u can. (Hold csa responsible.) When there are 2 parents alive and able the least they can do is pay their kids way and some authority should be responsible for enforcing it, it's sad but otherwise so many kids will suffer, as they do today.

    It's a bit ignorant to say single parents should shoulder the burden for choices they made to have kids with this person. We are all human and it's not uncommon for someone to truly believe in the integrity of another until they walk out one day and u are left in shock, holding the baby. I don't think single parents by that situation should be made to hurt anymore that they are already, or made to "pay" for simply having trusted their partner to take care of them. The ex should be taking responsibility by at least putting the kids' needs first by making sure they are adequately provided for, and if it takes a govt. agency to enforce this, so be it. Some people will always be childish and need authority to make them accept their own obligations.

    Just think of the parents out there whose partners have died, who don't even have the option of chasing up child support and how hard it is for them. When 2 parents EXIST, the responsibility for the child they both created rests with them.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by MummaBear03 View Post
    CaraT, where did you go?
    I went to bed, catching up now

  8. #28
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    Can I just clarify here...we're not all single parents!!!

    Some of us became single then repartnered yet still have to deal with CSA and exes and so forth.

    So can we stop saying 'single parent' this and 'single parent' that....because some of us aren't anymore. *custodial and non-custodial*

  9. #29
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    Ok - I have read quickly becos I am at work but I just wanted to try to explain my point of view -which obviously didn't come out exactly right last night..

    I am sorry if I offended anyone and obviously I did; however I still stand by what I said, albiet perhaps I didn't word it properly..

    First off, I do believe the non - custodial parent has an obligation to pay their share.

    Secondly, I believe if they don't then CSA should step in and force them.

    Thirdly, I believe that CSA are NOT the bad guys in the equation - WHICH WAS MY MAIN POINT ; I just think that parents can't blame them for the non-custodial parent not paying. I think they are doing the best they can with horrible ppl - and sure they probably get it wrong some of the time.

    I guess I just don't see the custodial parent as the victim of CSA; I see the kid as a victim of parents who has already been let down and CSA trying to help where they can.

    Reading all your posts I accept that maybe I am off the mark with this - but I am just being honest about how I feel. I spoke to my DH about it this morning wondering if I was living in fantasy land but he tends to think that same thing - that a dad who really wanted their kid to begin with would never abondon it regardless of who the relationship with the mother breaks down. He isn't sure if he wants kids right now and although I would really love them, I would never do it unless he was as into as me. If and when he is at that stage, he says even if we grow apart and break up he would always pay his child support without resentment.

    I guess noone knows what the future holds and I don't mean to sit on in my crystal tower throwing stones at you all - I just don't understand how ppl are so quick to blame the authorities for not being perfect.

    Once you have responded, mods can you please shut this forum down - it was not my intention to upset ppl and I should have been more sensitive in what/how I put my point of view across.

    Thanks, Cara

  10. #30
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    How can you say that CSA are doing the best they can, when you have never actually dealt with them before?

    Yeah its not their fault that exs dont pay, but it is there job to do everything in their powerr to get them to pay, thats what CSA agents are paid for. They arent paid to do a half @ssed job, they are there to get a result and that result is to get payment.


 

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