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  1. #11
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    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    Sorry I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I am repeating something someone has already said.... But isn't that the reason that the 'authorities' (ie. CSA) are there. To make sure custodial parents are paid adequately to help support the child???

    I'm sorry but after my dead beat dad left when I was 11 (and had 2 younger sisters) my mother was left to raise us on her own. Sure she received family payments etc but they were docked for the CS that she was supposed to be receiving but never did!

    Now my mother is not a silly lady and did not knowingly marry my father thinking 'Jeez one day he is going to leave me with nothing and I am going to be looking after these kids on my own'.. No you don't think like that when you marry someone, you marry them because you love them. I mean seriously what woman would marry a man when honestly knowing that man will abandon them and their child/ren???

    My father has never paid a cent of maintenance to my mother and it is a complete joke. Due to the fact that he fled to the US they were unable to retrieve any money from him and when my mother phoned them to find out what they could do to help she was told if she could tell them where he was they would follow it up!!!

    Sorry but they are there to provide help to women like my mother and from most cases I have heard they FAIL miserably.

    Sorry for the vent everyone I just think the CSA is a joke

  2. #12
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    So hang on - it's not MY EX who is at fault for being a slack parent... it's mine for choosing him?

    Not all people plan babies, for starters. Sometimes it just happens. It "just happened" to me when I was 18. I fell pregnant to a guy I had been with for only 4 months.

    I decided to make the best of it, and did what I could to make the relationship work.

    Even though it failed, I would have NEVER thought he'd be the type to abandon his child. He spent nearly 3 years of DDs life with her... and while he was slack when it came to feeding her/bathing her/etc, he loved her and always made a point of showing that.

    His father moved overseas when he was younger and he hated it... so it was the last thing I thought HE would do to his child!

    But yes, you're right. It's all my fault. Tsk tsk to me for not being able to see into the future...

  3. #13
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    My husband married his dead beat ex wife and was a victim to emotional and domestic abuse for the 4 years of their marriage.

    When they had his first born the dead beat ex decided that she could up and leave because she wanted to. My husband lost day to day contact with his child through no fault of his own. He had no choice.

    He then paid over and above his obligated responsibilities to this child yet his mother should some how be seen as the "poor me" in the situation?????......nup. Not buying it. If the parent left, that should be taken in consideration. Quite a bit, in my opinion.

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    I have done a lot of research into this subject as part of my degree.

    Firstly it isn't about either parent, it is about the child's right to be supported by both parents.

    Child support was created to help ensure less children were living in poverty, because after seperation/dicorve the custodial parent was and still is highly likely to be living in poverty due to many factors. This means for the most part that women in society are very disadvantaged, and in turn so are their children.

    Does anyone really believe it is reasonable that innocent children live in poverty?

    After child support is paid, studies show that the non custodial parent is still better off then the custodial parent, and that the custodial parent almost allways contributes more financially over the childs life time then the non custodial parent.

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    Oh yes I'm sorry that's right it's MY fault for falling in love with someone & making a life with them for 7 YEARS & for it to all come tumbling down due to a workplace injury, high grade opiates & mental health issues which saw him walk out & leave us all ...


    I should've been freaking psychic & seen all of THAT coming because it was obviously all my freaking fault !!!

    Oh & if you dare then say that " my situation is 'different' & that well that isn't what you are talking about " I will be even more insulted for all the other sole parents here on the Hub but also within Aus. too because seriously yes let's blame the parent who steps up to the plate being the sole parent of a child, without help & often without much support. Yes how dare they give up THEIR life to be the parent who brings a child into the world & raise that child without taking into account their needs but that of the child first & foremost.


    Seriously sole parents shame on you

  6. #16
    Whispers's Avatar
    Whispers is offline Ocupation: Mother of 3, yes it's job, one of the hardest and one of the greatest.
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    A child is the responsibility of both parents and both should be financially responsible. CSA is a good thing to help when dead beats decide they don't want to pay, yes they aren't perfect but without it the dead beats would just walk away. At least the CSA can help in most situation by docking pay, taking tax returns ect;

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    Firstly it isn't about either parent, it is about the child's right to be supported by both parents
    THANK YOU!!!! That's exactly right.

    Whatever happened with the parents shouldn't be an issue. Children need to be supported - end of story.

    And no one goes into a relationship and thinks "I feel like getting pregnant to this guy so that when we split up I can call him a dead beat and blaim CSA" We all get into relationships believing that the other person loves us...can't you see that Cara T??

    I really really believed my ex husband loved me, we were married for 10 years!!! He worked the whole time, provided for his family...loved his children (still does) and would do anything for them. But because he was still trying to control me even though he didn't want me...he decided to threated ME with child support (but he was actually threatening his kids not me).

    There was a lot of stuff going on at the time that I never dreamed would ever happen EVER!!!!! And I never thought for a moment that he would threaten his children that way, only he didn't think he was....he thought he was threatening me. How could I have predicted any of this?

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    Quote Originally Posted by spoon View Post
    My husband married his dead beat ex wife and was a victim to emotional and domestic abuse for the 4 years of their marriage.

    When they had his first born the dead beat ex decided that she could up and leave because she wanted to. My husband lost day to day contact with his child through no fault of his own. He had no choice.

    He then paid over and above his obligated responsibilities to this child yet his mother should some how be seen as the "poor me" in the situation?????......nup. Not buying it. If the parent left, that should be taken in consideration. Quite a bit, in my opinion.
    I don't think anyone would think your DH's ex is a 'poor me'. Of course there are parents that stop the other parent from seeing their child for no other reason but to be malicious. IMO that makes her a bad parent.

    This isn't a gender thing, or an anti man thing, it's an anti deadbeat parent thing. It's sounds like his ex was not a nice person. The only reason many of us are talking about deadbeat dads is bc statistically, a vast majority of sole parents are women.

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    Quote Originally Posted by spoon View Post
    He then paid over and above his obligated responsibilities to this child yet his mother should some how be seen as the "poor me" in the situation?????......nup. Not buying it. If the parent left, that should be taken in consideration. Quite a bit, in my opinion.
    I left because my ex is a cheating, manipulating a-hole. Why should I be paid less for that?

    I pay way, way above my obligated responsibilities to my child but I get no recognition either. It's "poor him" for being told to pay for way less than half his share.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaraT View Post
    Leading on from another thread, I am wondering..

    If two adults choose to create a child and then one of them fails to support that child, either emotionally or financially.. who should take responsiblity for this situation..

    Poll to follow.. (sorry the screen froze and now I can't add the poll)

    Personally, I believe that although the government/authorities have an obligation to hold both parents to pay their share - i believe the parents play a role too.



    I think some single parents are too quick to blame the authorities for not FORCING their kids parent to pay their way, rather then taking SOME responsiblity for the choices they made in the beginning to have these kids with this person.

    Of course ppl change and unexpected things happen.. but I don't think you can 100% blame CSA for failing you if your ex doesn't pay

    Are you kidding?

    Are you a single parent?

    This has to be one of the most ludicrous, badly thought out and offensive things I have ever read directed towards single parents.

    Have you really considered what you are essentially saying?

    Are you suggesting women should either have an abortion if they find themselves with low self esteem from say, an abusive child hood that leads her to be with a dead beat man if an unplanned, pr planned pregnancy does occur followed by a relationship that goes sour.. that or to shoulder the blame for the man being unable to act as a decent human being.... because she choose him?

    What about the partners that *gasp* appear to be decent only to walk out on a wife and kids or run off with someone else? The victims fault again for choosing them eh?
    .

    That is ludicrous. And it's disgusting.
    Last edited by Looshkin; 24-11-2009 at 22:51.


 

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