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  1. #11
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    DP and I already discussed the effect a baby would have on our romance and how much time we would have for eachother, so we had a contingency plan, so to speak, to make sure we didn't let it become a problem.

    We have "date night" once a week (although the actual day varies depending on what else is going on) where we spend some quality time together. Sometimes I'll cook a nice meal, get some wine and a DVD and we'll snuggle on the couch for the evening. Other times we'll break out the chess board, or Monopoly, or play scrabble. Other times it turns into "date DAY" and we'll shout "woohoo!" and make a mad dash for the bedroom every time DS goes down for a nap.

    We also make sure that at least once a day we do something nice for each other. For me that means maybe giving him a quick shoulder rub while he's at the computer, or cooking his favourite dessert. He'll do things like stop and hug me for no reason at all, or rub my feet while I'm reading. Those little things are what keep you connected, even when kids are stealing every last ounce of energy.

  2. #12
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    after i had DD i realised that i didnt love ex-dp as much as i thought i did, and he realised he didnt love me either.

  3. #13
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    earthfairy is offline Winner 2009 - Biggest Computer Nerd
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    Quote Originally Posted by sockstealingpoltergeist View Post
    Yes have felt that way a few times. It can be really hard. However I just ride it out and look really hard at the reasons why I fell in love with him. I make mental lists of the wonderful things about him and compare him to other men I know. As a father and husband he allways comes out on top.

    I then start to make time for just the two of us.

    Then it passes and I feel real deep love for him again. I think it's part of being married and it's times like that that test us. All long term relationships have their ups and downs, it's what you do during them that counts.

    Good luck.
    Exactly how i feel & exactly what i do.

    These feelings almost come & go in waves...but i know deep down i really do love my DH.
    All i have to do is imagine my life without him in it & i see that there is no way i could live with out him....apart from DD, he is the most important part of my life...be it good or sometimes bad.
    We are best mates, lovers, & parents...no matter what we will always love eachother.







    ........plus he gives AWESOME foot massages so i wouldnt trade him for anything!!!

  4. #14
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    I have felt a bit this way, but for me it's each time I am pregnant. I don't know why, but now I am used to it (sort of expect it) and I know that deep down I really do love my DH and that I don't want to live without him EVER

    I think it's important that you make time for just the 2 of you, even though it is hard. If you've got noone to look after bub for a few hours, then wait till he is in bed and cook a nice dinner and get some DVD's or something.


  5. #15
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    OH and I fall out of and back into love all the time. I think it's a normal part of long relationships. Don't do anything drastic!

  6. #16
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    megaminz is offline Hmmm.....is this conclusive proof I ask????
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    I really appreciate everyones responses. It is so good to know that its not just me, this is quite normal and I am not completely nuts for feeling like this.

    I had a bit of a text fight wtih DH last night that didn't help the situation. I was overtired from lack of sleep night before, long trying day at work, and he was at a staff bbq at his job (aka p!ss up) for lunch and at 9pm when I was in bed with a sore and sick baby crying his wee heart out I was just annoyed DH wasn't home and hadn't even bothered to let us know when he was coming home and I guess my frustration boiled over... wasn't helpful and of course it was turned on me and was all my fault.

    This move is really taking its toll on me. I think I am frustrated as I dont think he appreciates how much I am giving up by moving home (which was what he wanted).

    I just want to feel loved and treasured again and I don't.

    sorry bit woe is me today but am just tired and emotional, trying to hang in there til we get home but am a bit on tenterhooks with it all.

    I know we need time together to reconnect but with working full time, organising and packing up the house for the move we just dont have it at the moment, especially seeing as he just doesn't talk, just sits on computer or watches tv whilst I fluff around washing baby clothes and bottles etc. We used to have a lot of fun together and I want taht back.

    I think when we get home if we are still talking I will try to get us into counselling if he will go as I don't know how to communicate my needs to him anymore, have tried emails, letters, texts, telling him face to face but its not getting through. Just need to get through next five weeks without going off the rails...
    Last edited by megaminz; 11-11-2009 at 10:41.

  7. #17
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    Can you tell him exactly that? That you need to feel loved and treasured. I just tell my DH straight out, and he makes an effort. He may need some guiding.

  8. #18
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    megaminz is offline Hmmm.....is this conclusive proof I ask????
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    I have tried before to tell him to his face but he doesn't really respond when you talk about personal stuff so its hard to speak from heart and not get a reaction, last month I sent him a big email saying that I don't feel loved at the moment, perhaps it was too big and being a man it was too much to process...perhaps I need to send a shorter one

  9. #19
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    Hi Hunni, I am sooooo hearing you, it is an awful place to be in

    Just to add to what others have said... Have you heard of the book the five love languages? They have a series, love languages for women, men, children etc. Honestly, after 20 years, this book has done wonders for our marriage. It talks about love tanks and how we each have "languages" that when expressed to us, fill our tanks. Also about what causes holes on our tanks.

    Google it, be worth it I promise xxx

  10. #20
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    When it comes to relationships, texting and emailing is not communication. I know it's easier to write it down, so that you can get your point of view or your feelings across and not be interrupted or sidetracked or have the other persons opinions and comments get it the way of what you are trying to say... but you lose so much when you don't communicate face to face. Having to take turns in a face to face discussion and listening as well as talking is far more valuable, and doubly so when you are having problems. If they're not there with you at the time, you can waste so much time and energy texting back and forth when a single phone call can sort things out, or else you wait until they're home.

    As for finding/making time for talking to each other, can I suggest you both trial a TV/computer free night once a week and use that time to be with each other fully and not just sharing space in the same room.

    I've been in a marriage where both of us would spend evenings on the computer or watching tv, and not talking about our emotional needs. (Note the use of past tense there?) Any relationship running on autopilot is destined to either crash or run out of fuel.


 

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