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  1. #1
    megaminz's Avatar
    megaminz is offline Hmmm.....is this conclusive proof I ask????
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    Default Did anyone fall out of love with their partner after having bubs?

    ...if so did you manage to get it back?

    I still love my husband but I don't think I am in love with him lately. Could almost give or take him tbh.

    he is a lovely dad, and generally a good man. He is still painful with housework and a bit sulky but he has always been like that so I don't think its that but I have just felt out of love with him since I have had my son.

    I dont know if its cause i have so much else going on I don't have the emotional time to be in love at the moment. Nothing really major has happned for me to feel like this so he hasn't cheated or beaten me or anything, I just am feeling a bit flat about us.

    Has anyone else gone through this? Has the love come back? Did you have to work at it or did you just feel in love again one day?

  2. #2
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    Gods i hope someone can answer this.
    Feeling the same way about DP, even though we don't have a baby. I still love him as a best friend, but not anything else. I just dunno how to tell him.

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    Yes have felt that way a few times. It can be really hard. However I just ride it out and look really hard at the reasons why I fell in love with him. I make mental lists of the wonderful things about him and compare him to other men I know. As a father and husband he allways comes out on top.

    I then start to make time for just the two of us.

    Then it passes and I feel real deep love for him again. I think it's part of being married and it's times like that that test us. All long term relationships have their ups and downs, it's what you do during them that counts.

    Good luck.

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    I do get where your coming from. Before I had bubs I felt like i needed my partner to feel secure etc but since having bubs something has changed in me.

    I feel a bit smothered by him at times and dont feel the need to be as close as we used to.
    I put it down to the fact that breastfeeding and having a demanding baby is enough for me at the moment and i feel like if my partner needs attention and stuff that is all a bit too much.

    I think our brains and hearts are overloaded with love and tiredness and stess from having a baby that there is little room for anything else.

    The same thing happened with my pet dog , i used to lavish attention on her and worry about her before i had bubs but know she kind of annoys me, still love my dog though but feel guilty.

    I still love my partner but its just a bit different , now that bubs is 14 months I am starting to feel like i used to towards him but I think overall i have changed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sockstealingpoltergeist View Post
    Yes have felt that way a few times. It can be really hard. However I just ride it out and look really hard at the reasons why I fell in love with him. I make mental lists of the wonderful things about him and compare him to other men I know. As a father and husband he allways comes out on top.

    I then start to make time for just the two of us.

    Then it passes and I feel real deep love for him again. I think it's part of being married and it's times like that that test us. All long term relationships have their ups and downs, it's what you do during them that counts.

    Good luck.
    So so true and the hilighted part is what DP and I are doing about it.

    I felt like this for a long time, I felt as though I no longer loved my DP and while I loved having him here and even though he is the best father/partner I could ask for, I wanted him as a friend. I even acted out on feelings I thought I had for someone else because I decided that what DP and I had was over and this was a sure fire way to end it without him trying to get us into councelling or "giving it another go" etc...huge mistake.

    I think how you describe that you have fallen out of love since your child was born just illustrates how we often put our needs and our partners needs on the backburner when a baby enters our lives. It is just as important to give ourselves and our relationship time and effort and when we forget that, problems can start to arise.

    Take some time to just be a couple, my DP and I have a date night every fortnight where we go out for dinner/movie or even clubbing together.

    Good luck.

  6. #6
    megaminz's Avatar
    megaminz is offline Hmmm.....is this conclusive proof I ask????
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    thanks for your replies ladies
    its reassuring to know others have been through the same thing

    i hope when we move home that its easier as then we will ahve support and family around so maybe we can have date nights and stuff.

    i think a combination of no support and dhs shift work has just drain our "us" time

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    Having a baby is all consuming. There really isn't much love left at times for a DP or DH.
    I found b/c of all the skin on skin time with bub that I really didn't want any intimate time with my DP.
    Bed time was sleep time. That was my priority.
    I remember at the time thinking if he had an affair I would understand & frankly not care.
    It does get easier & the love does come back.

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    Your comments about being "flat" and not having time resonate with me.

    i have felt flat since my son was born (almost 14 months ago). I think it's just exhaustion with some resentment thrown in for good measure.

    I haven't had a full night's sleep for thos 14 months, and I work 4 days a week. And now it looks like four very long days a week.

    I don't really have highs or lows. Just a lot of flatness. I just want to be left to my own devices, really.

    I find the best times are when we're away from the humdrum of life.

    Maybe try and get away for the weekend, or go to the beach for the day, or just spend more time out of the house (together).

  9. #9
    megaminz's Avatar
    megaminz is offline Hmmm.....is this conclusive proof I ask????
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    Quote Originally Posted by MsMummy View Post
    I think it's just exhaustion with some resentment thrown in for good measure.
    oh totally especially the resentment. I am frustrated I think that I am the one who gets up to the child etc... and does all the care and organisation of getting him off to care etc and DH gets four days off a week (shift work) sleeps all of it and still gets to have time with his friends then gets upset if I have left the house untidy cause I just haven't tidied as I went.
    Quote Originally Posted by MsMummy View Post
    I haven't had a full night's sleep for thos 14 months, and I work 4 days a week. And now it looks like four very long days a week.
    again this is it as well, M sleeps pretty well most days at the moment but I still wake purely out of habit when he does as I spent 9 months getting up to him multiple times and brain is programmed. I also work full time 5 days a week in a far more high pressure job tha=n DH but he thinks he has it tougher although he would never be brave enough to say that
    Quote Originally Posted by MsMummy View Post
    I don't really have highs or lows. Just a lot of flatness. I just want to be left to my own devices, really.
    yes again, I think I would almost like dh just to go away for a while so I don't have to think about him....I love M so much but am losing me amongst sorting everyone else out.

    DH never organises anything, he doesnt drive so I do all the groceries, vet and dr visits, he doesn't use internet banking so I pay all the bills and organise the packers/movers/cleaners etc for our shift.

    I just need time out but at same time miss my wee man if I am not around him.

    intimacy is a problem too as I feel I have to force it at the moment and DH always picks the wrong time to "try it on". Like on a day when I am exhausted and trying to have a nap and he comes to bed to "cuddle" ARRGGHH

    I know men just don't get all this and most of them are useless but I guess flat and frustrated is just getting to me at the moment

  10. #10
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi megaminz, I am sure this is all very normal. It is just your emotions adjusting to the new situation. You have the baby taking from you, and you are quite right to feel like there is not much left. It will pass, and you will have the same old feelings back soon. But in the mean time, try to make time for you to be a couple, even just holding hands when you watch tv, try to enjoy a meal together without children if you can. These things might only happen once a month, but it is still nice to just be together. Remember you were a couple before there were children, and you will be a couple again in the future, it is important you stay friends, and stay lovers. Marie.


 

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