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  1. #1
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    Default How do you deal with insecure people?

    I have a friend who is incredibly insecure. She copies me with everything I do, which didn't used to bother me and actually made me feel flattered, but now it is becoming annoying. She will shop where I shop, buy the same clothes and toys for her children that my children have, make decisions based on what I think or what I have personally done like switching over Internet providers etc. Her house is almost identically set-up the same as mine, same cushions, same bed sheet sets. She eats the same stuff I eat when we are out, she goes on diets when I decide to diet and they are always the same type of diet. She got a tattoo a few weeks after I got a tattoo. She had a hair cut and hair dye a week after I did.

    Get the picture?

    It probably might not seem like much, but I feel like whatever I do, she will copy and I know she has self-esteem issues (not that she has ever actually told me, but I can tell), but I would love for her to just once do something without needing my approval or just copying what I do.

    What can I do?

  2. #2
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    You know what they say " Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"

    But seriously that would begin to freak me out after a while.I once had a friend get a job at the exact place i had a job ,actually she did that twice!I just ignored it.

    But i think your friend has either no idea of what she likes or really admires your taste in items.I would focus on the things she does/chooses which have nothing to do with you and make a big deal of praising her for those choices.

    If she just keeps going though ,you will have to tell her how you feel about it.

    She may have no idea.

  3. #3
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    It might not seem like much? That would freak most people out!

    Really tough decision
    I would be inclined to do something sooner rather than later, while you're calm now before it gets the better of you

    You can't really just come right out and say something to her if she has insecurities issues. She might not even realise that she's doing it and just following a good example, as we all tend to do but not to this extent.

    Maybe make a joke of it to bring attention to the matter. Like just laugh about how she has ordered the same thing as you again.

    And you might be able to buy her a motivational book to help her improve her self esteem. Maybe tell her it's one of your books you thought were great and helped improve your life so you thought she'd like to have a read.

    Good luck!

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    Id be flattered..

    No advice though.
    Maybe just be there for her because she sounds like she is definatly insecure/upset about something.

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    I am someone who gets annoyed with ppl who cannot speak or decide for themselves. If it were me, I'd be upfront and tell her she's annoying with her copying and try to help her have a mind of her own

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    I don't exactly have advice but I have a friend very similar. everything I have ever done, she has done weeks later lol.. right up to buying a house..

    I have really really limited contact with her. I started to feel she was more trying to out do me than copy me after a while and although I realize she has low self esteem and is insecure, she certainly doesn't show it in most ways.

    I have found that since I have stopped letting her shadow me all the time, she has developed more of a personality and has come up with some original thoughts. I felt bad but I needed my own space to do my own thing so I just kept telling her I was too busy etc. etc. for a little while. I've been spending time with her lately. I think she knew I was avoiding her. I know it was childish to handle it that way, but I knew it would hurt her feelings way too much for me to tell her what I thought.

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    Thanks for the responses. I guess I could try the jokey approach of "Oh you ordered the same as me again", but I don't know if that would sink in?

    I think if I gave her a motivational book, she would be pretty offended and even though she annoys me with the copying, I don't want to upset her.

    I like the idea of distancing myself a bit, but she is very persistent and calls me everyday, texts me, e-mails me etc. Maybe I should just ignore her a bit?

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    Quote Originally Posted by youngNotDumb View Post
    I don't exactly have advice but I have a friend very similar. everything I have ever done, she has done weeks later lol.. right up to buying a house..

    I have really really limited contact with her. I started to feel she was more trying to out do me than copy me after a while and although I realize she has low self esteem and is insecure, she certainly doesn't show it in most ways.

    I have found that since I have stopped letting her shadow me all the time, she has developed more of a personality and has come up with some original thoughts. I felt bad but I needed my own space to do my own thing so I just kept telling her I was too busy etc. etc. for a little while. I've been spending time with her lately. I think she knew I was avoiding her. I know it was childish to handle it that way, but I knew it would hurt her feelings way too much for me to tell her what I thought.
    I have started to distance myself a bit. She has sent a few texts and I only responded once by saying I was out of credit. I am meant to catch up with her this week, but I might cancel and see her next week instead. If I reduce contact, that might really help things.


 

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