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  1. #21
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    Wow...i don't think it is rude as all. When I had DD, I was working as a nanny (had been for 15 years), and so I was givne everything that I needed for bubs from a Stokke cot to no less than 5 prams.
    Because I was a single Mother, with no paid maternity leave..we wrote a poem about my situation, and asked for money. It's not rude at all...people need to be a little bit more flexible with their thinking. I had one friend whinge about it (the same person who was saying that I should have an abortion because I wasn't going to marry the FOB...the very same woman who had an abortion 9 months later because she didn't want to look fat on her wedding day..), she didn't come. It didn't bother me. We raised $1500..enough money to pay my rent for 3 months, leaving me another 3 weeks to raise myself. I think that my friends giving money was wonderful. It allowed me to take the time off of work (trust me, my boss would have been more than happy with me coming into work with a newborn) that I needed without stressing about having a roof over our heads.
    I hope your wish doesn't alienate anyone...it's not like it is a grab for cash. It is something that you want for your baby, and something that you need money for.

  2. #22
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    There is no way to do it nicely. I would choose not to attend your baby shower - as baby showers are firstly about having a fun get together and giving someone TOKEN gifts that make the giver feel happy, I normally make something myself or get something fun for under $10. I don't think my $10 would go too far towards my $4000 and I would be embarassed to give it so would choose to be busy that day.

  3. #23
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    I would not feel offended if on the invitation (or if I asked you what you wanted) that you stated money for that reason or even if you said 'well we have everything so its going towards x for the baby' etc.

    Personally I know when I have been given a gift for my birthday or other special occasion and its not me, something that I want or will use, I smile and be polite and say thank-you. But the gift giver's money has been wasted on an unsuitable gift. So therefore I would rather the recipient suggest ideas so my money isn't being wasted.

    Just like engagements, weddings, big special birthdays etc, it is an event which celebrates you and people tend to give gifts. So yeah it is an expectation that you may receive something. If it was someone that is not very close to you like a close friend or family member than I wouldn't expect them to get me anything. And I have family memebers that can't afford much either, even if they buy me a card -thats it- I am a believer it is the thought that counts. Personally I like to make gifts when I can. Sometimes I feel bad because ALL I can spend is $10 or $20.

    Your close family and friends will understand and not get offended by your suggested request of which form the gift will take.

    If you think some people your inviting will take offence, then dont mention it on the invitation. If people ask, tell them your plan.

  4. #24
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    Default WHy not

    Well, I reckon it's a great idea and not rude at all... we asked for money at our wedding (we'd been living together prior to wedding so had everything we needed but still had credit card debts for the wedding to pay off)... doesn't matter that people gave $5 or $50 it's still a contribution and goes towards something useful for the couple... personally I think it's ruder if the giver gave a $5 photoframe/candle or $50 plate set... because isn't it the fact that you give gifts because you want to? not just as a politeness thing... and if you're giving them what they want, it's even better because you're still contributing and yet it's going toward what they want? it's just so much more practical in my opinion... i'd prefer to give ppl what they want...

    the other thing i'm in similar situation now... i wasn't going to have a baby shower because i didn't want hordes of "not so useful stuff" because we honestly don't have the room in our apartment to store all that (on top of the wedding gifts that have never been used) but i'm feeling a lot of pressure from family and friends and so think i may have to throw one and again i plan to ask for cash because we have the cot, stroller, car seat, as well as other things to pay off...

    All in all, i reckon do what's best for you, and i'm sure there are arguments on both sides of the fence and whoever gets offended will get over it (becasue it really shouldn't be a big deal for them).. it's really not about them in the end, it's about you and your bub and what's best for the bub

  5. #25
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    On a side note, I thought that the invites would come from a 3rd party, not the mother of the baby, similarly to that of your bridal shower - you certainly dont organise that yourself.

    I like the idea of the anonymous envelope. Some people do feel nervous about giving money, but this certainly isnt a frivalous request, or a greedy dash for cash.

    I would imagine the invites would be coming from your mother or sister/sister inlaw etc.

    I would write on the invitations - Your attendance and best wishes are plenty, however if you are wanting to bring a gift, the gift of life is all the parents to be are asking for, therefore, a donation for the storage of baby's cord blood would be gratefully accepted and appreciated.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsDew View Post
    On a side note, I thought that the invites would come from a 3rd party, not the mother of the baby, similarly to that of your bridal shower - you certainly dont organise that yourself.

    I like the idea of the anonymous envelope. Some people do feel nervous about giving money, but this certainly isnt a frivalous request, or a greedy dash for cash.

    I would imagine the invites would be coming from your mother or sister/sister inlaw etc.

    I would write on the invitations - Your attendance and best wishes are plenty, however if you are wanting to bring a gift, the gift of life is all the parents to be are asking for, therefore, a donation for the storage of baby's cord blood would be gratefully accepted and appreciated.
    this sounds the nicest. I am one for hating being told what I should bring gift wise but like what is written above. It is embarressing if you don't have much money and wanted to make something or give something you never used yourself because you don't have any spare funds

  7. #27
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    So what you are saying is, "Hey, we don't appreciate the time and money you will spend on a personal gift, so please come with cash and cash only."

    There is no polite way to say this.

    Consider yourself lucky to be getting gifts, which can easily be returned for money or store credits, which seems to be all you really want.
    that is extremely rude imo.

    I personally wouldnt ask for money, I actually love the idea of getting little bits and pieces from people and opening the pressies up, and I know a lot of people actually enjoy going out and buying these baby things, its a way for friends and family to get involved in the leadup to the baby being born.. also, baby shower gifts arent really meant to be exxy, so I dont know if contributing to a fund is going to be significant. Its your personal choice, and I dont think there's anything wrong with it, but I personally wouldnt do it.

    A poem for a wishing well would be nice. We had a wishing well for our wedding and I dont see the difference.


 

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