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  1. #1
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    Default Needing advice on unplanned pregnancy...

    Hey Everyone,
    I was just wanting some advice on my situation, I'm 21 and have been in a casual (but very close and loving) relationship for around three months. He is 29 and we just found out we are about 4 or 5 weeks pregnant. We weren't planning to take the relationship further as i am moving away to continue my study however we are still very close. My initial reaction was total fear! but as its been on my mind for a while i have warmed to the idea and i know that i would be a great mum and i would have the complete support of my family and friends especially my mum. I also am not really sure if i could go through with a termination. He however thinks differently.. i know he is just very scared but he has made it clear he doesn't want a baby right now, especially since we are not in a proper long term relationship. I know he would support me every step of the way (he was very supportive before we knew for sure) and he knows its his mistake aswell but i feel if i decide to keep the baby, that i will have somewhat 'ruined' his life because its not what he wants (because ultimately it's my decision). Im also scared that it is pssible ill end up as a single mother if our relationship doesnt work out which really scares me. His terrified and upset reaction has really rattled me... any advice?

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    You need to be true to yourself. Whatever option you take will effect you longterm. So step back and spend time soul searching for how you truly feel about all options you are willing to consider. Perhaps even seek counselling if you need help to sort through your thoughts and feelings.


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    My advice is it is your body, your baby, your choice. Ultimately any decision you make will effect you more. You will have to be the one to terminate the pregnancy or keep the baby, be pregnant, give birth, and all that comes with it.

    I would talk to him about how this decision is weighting on you and that you don't want to make the wrong one for you.

    At the end of the day he is an adult, he knows that having sex leads to babies I'm sure. The child is an innocent party in all this, so if you go ahead with the pregnancy, hopefully he will step up and be a man and support you.

    Good luck.

  4. #4
    LachlansMun's Avatar
    LachlansMun is offline http://www.lifebehindthelines.bl ogspot.com/
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    I was in a similar situation when I fell pregnant with my son. I was 18, studying at Uni and had only been dating my DP for about 8 months (though it wasn't very serious). We hadn't planned next year, let alone the rest of our lives. He was trying to get into the Defence Force and I didn't plan to follow him...

    Fast Forward nearly 5.5 years and we're still together, we have 2 children and a 3rd on the way, we hope to eventually get married and I follow him all over the country for his career.

    Sometimes things don't go to plan but I believe things happen for a reason. You should go with your heart and your instinct.

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    bgbgbb is offline To think, I was only going to have 1 child!
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    Quote Originally Posted by LachlansMun View Post
    Sometimes things don't go to plan but I believe things happen for a reason. You should go with your heart and your instinct.

    I so agree. I was 33 and going out with my then boyfriend of 6 weeks. I was living overseas and was planning on coming back to Aus within 6 months.

    Then I found myself pregnant and my whole world changed. I was very scared and there were times when I felt so alone (my boyfriend was supportive, his family were not, my family were halfway across the world). I had just finished my post grad studies and was planning on enjoying a few years without any responsibilities. But I said to myself, 'everything happens for a reason' and tried to let fate decide my new existence.

    I married my boyfriend, now have 3 more kids and we're planning a 5th. I couldnt imagine life without my son (and his siblings) and am so happy fate intervened in my plans.

    Although marriage doesn't seem to be an option for you, do just do what feels right for you. If you think you'll be a good mum, there is no doubt you will be, and your families support is the mainstay you need.

    Best of luck!

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    Have the baby.

    Sorry to be straight out when obviously all I know is what you have written, but it sounds to me like the decision to terminate would be pretty heartwrenching for you. Like you said, you would be a good mum, to me, that is more than enough reason to keep it. Think of all the people desperate to have a child, and you have been given this gift without even trying!

    I was 22 and my boyfriend was 18, we had been exclusively together for about a month? when I got pregnant. I too was half way through uni, planning to travel etc when I found myself pregnant. My boyfriend begged me to have an abortion, I refused and said that he was free to leave, I wouldn't be angry, and I meant it, I almost felt bad for him too since he was so young, even tho I know i didn't get pregnant by myself! He decided to stay, I continued with the pregnancy, and after many difficult times, we are still together, got married, and having our third child.

    It is the best decision I have ever made, I can't put into words how my daughter (and other kids) have changed my life. Even tho it felt like the worst thing at the time, she is really the best thing that ever happened to me.

    I understand you feeling a bit guilty, like I said, I felt the same way, even though I knew it wasn't my 'fault'. Give him a choice about whether to stay or go, but don't feel bad about keeping your baby. I can guarantee you won't regret it.

    Good Luck xx

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    Hi......

    I've never been in your situation and I coudnt imagine what your going through....I just thought I would say...what everyone has said in here is such great advice...
    I think there are two seperate issues that you have to deal with completely seperately....I'm not a single mum but I do it on my own for 4weeks at a time...and it's doable on your own if it comes to that...don't let that affect your decision to keep or terminate your relationship...I'm not sure which one to deal with first but maybe some time to yourself to deceide if you really want this baby and the vibes your giving out is that you do want to keep your bubba...and once your strong and firm in your decision than you discuss it with your partner and be prepared that he may walk away....but you would already know in your heart what you want...

    Best wishes....I hope everything becomes clear to you so you can either move on with your life or enjoy every moment of the pregnancy....

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    I have been in a similar situation. I was casually seeing someone who was 10 years older then me, on and off for about 8 months when i fell pregant. I was 24 and so not ready to become a mother get, ( i always thought i be married and have a house when i started a family) but i didnt have the heart to terminate. After so much talking, we decided to have bubs (he was more keen then i was) and we went through a lot but i think it happened for a reason as we now have 2 beautiful boys and other bub on the way, we have our house and i honestly could be happier.
    Your head will tell you one thing and your heart will tell you another, but im sure you will make decide what it right for you.


 

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