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  1. #51
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    The most embarassing moment in my life...

    This happened on the day of our very first EPU. I had done three other semen analysis before so I was feeling only a tiny bit under duress having to actually need to perform for real this time as there were others now relying on me to get the job done. I said goodbye to my wife in her bed as the nurse led me away to the little boy’s room in the Andrology area.

    Now my greatest fear is actually walking in to the waiting room and finding it full of others waiting to do their requirement. This would I’m sure make me die of embarrassment and humiliation. OK, so in I walk only to find my greatest horror a reality. There sitting down is a young girl in her late twenties or early thirties. She looks up at me then back down to the magazine she’s reading.

    I rang the buzzer on the desk and the embryologist walks in with some paperwork. She asks me to confirm my name and birthdate. I really needed to whisper those details to keep them private but I’m sure she wouldn’t have heard. So I said my name and birth date loud and clear so the people down the corridor knew who I was and what I was doing. She also asked me to name my wife and her birth date just to clarify the details for those that missed it first time in the rooms across the corridor.

    She handed me a familiar plastic container and a pen to record my details on the container as I have done on three previous occasions. I was becoming accomplished at writing on tiny, rounded containers with hopelessly shaky hands. She asked did I know the procedure and I said ‘yes’.

    I won’t go into the details of the producing the specimen as it was almost a repeat of the last time with only one small exception. I remember being told to catch all the semen and not to spill any. So as before just before I felt I was ready to produce my specimen I took hold of the jar in my left hand and placed it nearby in front of me.

    Again I was kneeling down as that worked best last time. My orgasm crept up on me suddenly this time and to my horror I actually didn’t get the jar over the end of me in time and I missed the very first squirt which went onto the floor. It wasn’t a huge amount as I wasn’t exactly turned on to my prime, but I do remember being told a huge amount of sperm is ejected with the first and second part of the ejaculation. I was hoping and praying the embryologist now would be able to find enough good ones with what I will give them. I squeezed out what was left and screwed the lid on and waited for everything to return to its normal size so I could get dressed again.

    A short while later I was ready to move out and give my little jar back to the embryologist. I unlocked and opened the door quietly and walked back out only to see the girl was still sitting there. Perfect. She now knows exactly how long it takes me to complete my process and what was she thinking about me while I was in there? My god, was she listening? I again had to press the buzzer and wait for the embryologist to return. She returned and took my plastic jar with what remained of my manhood in it and said I could return to my wife’s bedside if she has returned from her EPU. I know they take hold of guy's plastic jars all the time, but when the contents are still warm and fresh and they handle it, swish it around and say "that looks OK", it really makes us feel like crawling beneath a rock. I walked past the girl for the last time and skulked back to where wifey was waiting.

    Paul.
    Last edited by Paul64; 13-12-2009 at 17:37.

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  3. #52
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    Oh dear paul oh my stars.

    Well at least we know you guys do it a little tough too now.

    When it came time for my DH to produce his sperm sample, it was simply the most stressful time for him and it didn't happen we had to go home and do it again at home.

    Believe me as a nurse you don't worry about the warm fresh contents. Its just comes with the territory.

    At least at the clinics I have visited the activities room is well away from the reception area.

    Oh well as for me tomorrow I get to drop my dacks to the world again. Here comes the bathurst flasher watch out world.

    W4k

  4. #53
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    Thanks for the attempt at easing my self consciousness. At the time when we're required to gather those specimens, we illogically feel like we're the only people on the planet that have ever done that. And yes, I do have a great sense of humour but I am also very modest and hate being looked at when I'm skulking around "that" part of the hospital.

    But you know what, I'm so over it now and we both think back at the two times we did it here at home and the two at the hospital and pretty much laugh.

    And....in the meantime....

    ...Go the Bathurst Flasher...


    now that's funny! This area has some fantastic stories. It deserves to be kept going. And do us guys really do it tough? Not nearly as much as our ladies I'm sure. If it's just the semen analysis, I don't really think so. Some guys with greater problems need scans and needles....maybe so then. But me, I was only battling my embarrasment.

    Paul
    SA
    Last edited by Paul64; 20-12-2009 at 11:59.

  5. #54
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    OK this is not really an IVF story but it's gynae related. It was related to me by a male GP. One afternoon he was requested by one of his regular patients to do a routine Pap smear. She said she rushed home from work to "freshen" up for him. When he went down there, he couldn't helped but comment, "Gee you don't need to go to so much trouble....."

    Instead of using the roll on deodorant, she's grabbed the roll on sparkles by mistake.

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  7. #55
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    Hi All

    Thanks for all your stories!!

    My husband and i are just starting our ICSI journey and your humerous adventures helped to relax me!!!!

    We havent had too many humerous moments...yet! Im sure they'll come!



    Please keep the stories coming, and i hope to add our own tales soon!

    The only one i can think of ATM was going to get my first ultrasound to see if I had all my 'bits'. I was told it would be an internal ultrasound but i had to come with a full bladder.

    Im a sales rep on the road and i left my last customers (with a full bladder) and began to drive what would normally take only 20min to my appointment... only this time i got all red lights, stuck behind a car accident (minor damage) and it took closer to 40min!

    NOTE: Driving with a full bladder - and along a road with lots of bumps HURTS!

    By the time i reached the doctors i could hold no longer because i thought they did the internal ultrasound with a FULL bladder!! I couldnt work out how i could hold on anylonger and have the scan! So i had to go - doing a half pee is NOT easy!!

    Then i found out the full bladder is for the external ultrasound - then you get to go to the toilet BEFORE the internal!!! IDIOT!!!
    Unfortunenlty all i could also think of was what my facial expressions must have looked like to other people looking at me when i drove like a maniac to my appointment as i was in ALOT of pain!!

    I was also grateful i didnt get into an accident and wet myself on the way!!

    Note to others - when having a full bladder dont drive too far!

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  9. #56
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    Oh I did try not to laugh, but I couldn't. Ouch but haha. I know what its like to have a full bladder and hitting every bump in the road.

    I was also told to have a full bladder for U/S. And the sonographer asked me if I had one before. I said yes. He then said oh you have a full bladder I said yes. He said you don't need to have a full bladder next time empty before having an internal U/S. Then he got narky " I thought you said you had this before". I got all hot headed like a red head person does...I said to him "well last time they got upset with me for not having a full bladder, it was done at the hospital so how was I to know any different"!!!

    He mentioned on the way out that next time to empty I said I heard you the first time, and that the last place I had this done they told me to fill my bladder. Now I know different so you can stop telling me.

    I think he didn't bargain for a red head strong willed lady not backing down.

    Wishing4kids.

  10. #57
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    Hi,

    I have to be careful DH is sitting next to me as I post this.

    Ever since IUI my DH hasnt let me carry anything. And has been doing the house work whilst he is on holidays.

    Today he cleaned the kitchen. He kept coming back and forth asking me about the dilution rates for various products.

    He won't let me clean as I might have a bubby on board. The most hillarious bit was when I walked into the kitchen to find hubby bent down on his hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor like the olden days. Gosh it made me laugh. Cause we have a mop. lol. No need to get down and scrub it.

    I wish I had of taken a photo of it. Now he knows how hard it is to keep a house clean maybe he might put things back when he gets them out in future.

    Wishing4kids.

  11. #58
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    These stories are soooooooo funny!!!!! lightening up my 14dpo mood!!!

    My most recent one happened at my ET. I had all 3 nurses in stiches and my dr was VERY impressed......

    DH and i are finding it hard to rekindle our love and not be so mechanical, so i waxed a star shape into my **ehem** hair down there....At ET one of the nurses say it as she was doing the external ultrasound and she giggled.....I told her that it hurt like hell trying to get it into the shape......She showed the other nurses, I was fine, i have a great relationship with my nurses, and then my dr came in and saw it, and said very quickly "you didnt have to do that to impress me" LOL!!! He is a funny little asian man and it was a quick passing comment that had out whole room in stiches....well until he shoved a huge speculum up my va jay jay!!!!!

  12. #59
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    I have a couple of stories from DH. Walking back to me after my EPU he had a huge grin on his face. told me that the little room had magazines and movies and beer in the fridge. Told me he spent most of the time browsing the catalogue for the most appropriate porno movie but then he only got to the opening credits anyway. Some time later once he found out that my bro went through the same, he bragged about the little room. Bro said he had to take his his own inspirational material and was jealous at DH's experience.

    Some time before this, when DH was providing the clinic with his first ever sample for analysis, he decided to do the job at home and then cab it into the city. He hopped into the cab with his precious cargo in his top pocket of his suit. Then the cabbie gets a call from a mate and tells DH to get out of the cab a few mtrs up the road. The other cabbies at the rank, thinking he must've done something bad to be kicked out of the cab all took off and wouldn't let him in. So there's DH, standing on the side of the road, sample in hand, praying that another cab would stop for him. Eventually one stopped and considerable time had passed and DH was worried his sample would expire. So he told the cabbie he had precious cargo on board and he had 20mins to get it to the city. Was the fastest cab ride he'd ever been in. Next time he said he'll just catch the bus, holding his suit pocket for dear life.

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  14. #60
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    Jenna - hahaaa so funny I had my DH in stitches laughing. My DH was shocked to find inspirational material he had to tell me. lol. And then wanted me to go look.

    Waiting4mybaldies - Oh my stars I wouldnt want all insundry looking at my woohoo. You must be very relaxed to let them all look at you. I'd be telling them off.

    W4k


 

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