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  1. #1
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    Default Help - hugely attracted to someone other than DP

    Hi, not sure who to talk to about this so thought I'd try here in case someone had some wisdom to share...

    I'm in a relationship (though a rather difficult one at times) and have a young son, but I'm hugely attracted to a guy I work with.

    I know that affairs are bad horrible things and I don't want to do anything that hurts my DP, but I can't get this guy out of my head. I've been trying for ages to get over this attraction to him but then whenever I see him (which I obviously have to) all progress is gone.

    Have tried channeling the energy into my relationship, which is at the moment good (the other week I wanted to leave it was so difficult), but I don't find that helps at all in relation to this attraction. I'm thinking of this guy all the time and desperately want to sh*g him - to make matters worse I know he's attracted to me too and we often spend a lot of time alone together at the office (small business). AUGH. I kind of feel like I can't get over it without getting it out of my system.

    Yes, I know that's stupid and I can't do that, but how do I get over it? Anyone got advice?

  2. #2
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    You owe it to yourself and everyone else invoved to end one relationship before entering another. No real good can come of an affair, it's unneccessary mess and heartbreak for everyone. If this new man is right for you, the universe will find a way for him to be there for you when the time is right. Perhaps what you really need is time to yourself to work out what it is you really want, need, desire out of love and your relationships. It isn't really fair to flounder and take others down with you

    Work on you first, and the rest will fall into place.

  3. #3
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    Try to fix your current relationship before you go elsewhere trying to fill a gap in your life. Trust me, it's not worth it .

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    Well I feel sorry for you DP if you go through with your shag.(sounds like it is very likely)
    Attraction is just that,attraction. Would your shag be worth losing your DP over?

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malol View Post
    You owe it to yourself and everyone else invoved to end one relationship before entering another. No real good can come of an affair, it's unneccessary mess and heartbreak for everyone. If this new man is right for you, the universe will find a way for him to be there for you when the time is right. Perhaps what you really need is time to yourself to work out what it is you really want, need, desire out of love and your relationships. It isn't really fair to flounder and take others down with you

    Work on you first, and the rest will fall into place.

    .

    If this other guy actually respects you then he will back off & so should you. Your relationship with your DP will never work if you continuously sabotage it.

    I think as humans it does happen that you may be attracted to someone other than your partner at times in your life. To act on those feelings will just create a whole other sets of issues.

    Good luck to you, I hope you choose what is best for you.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3bubsplus1 View Post
    Well I feel sorry for you DP if you go through with your shag.(sounds like it is very likely)
    Attraction is just that,attraction. Would your shag be worth losing your DP over?
    No it wouldn't and no it's not "very likely".

    Look I'm a good person. I've never done anything unfair to anyone in my life. I don't want to run off on DP or do anything to hurt him or my family.

    I'm just looking for advice if anyone had tips on how to get over the attraction to this other man. It would be much easier if it was a situation where I wasn't seeing him all the time.

    Thanks for those who advised I need to work myself out first, I know. I guess it's that how bit that I'm tripping over.

    I love DP, he knows that and I'm putting a lot of effort into my relationship with him. It's just figuring out how to get this other person out of my head. I can know logically that it's just an attraction and doesn't mean anything but it's still there.

    And the reason I'm posting here is because it's been there for a while so it's not just going away by itself.

    *sigh* life But no, ladies, rest assured, I'm not a hussy wanting to two time my DP, I'm just wanting to figure out how to get over these damn hormones

  7. #7
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    As drastic as it sounds, you may need to change jobs. Is that an option? It really sounds like the only way it will go away is if you cut off all contact with this guy. Other than that, it will take some serious maturity to step up and do the right thing.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by mysterygirl07 View Post
    I'm just looking for advice if anyone had tips on how to get over the attraction to this other man. It would be much easier if it was a situation where I wasn't seeing him all the time.
    Gosh, I'm not one to give advice - I just wish my life was perfect and I knew what to do in each situation

    I do agree with the girls above that acting on your feelings and cheating on your husband isn't going to get you anywhere... but I think you already know that.

    I feel attraction towards other men at times. I think that is normal. But I make a choice not to act on it because I love my husband and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. But yeah, sometimes I think, wow, I would really like to kiss that man and then, I just think, but I made a promise to my husband so I can't. End of story

    I sometimes find that I feel attracted to people who give me what I see as lacking in our relationship. For example, my husband works away and when he is here, he works nights, so we don't have a lot of time together. But if I meet someone who is calling me up, we go out and chat over coffee, basically paying a lot of time and attention to me, then I feel attraction. At that point, I might say to my husband, hey I think the balance here is a bit out and can we spend some time together because I feel lonely. Usually (!) it works...
    Can you try that? Work out WHY you're so attracted to this man?

    Hell, there's a lot of attractive men in this world and at some point you've got to find the mindset that works for you so you don't go round shagging them all

  9. #9
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    Grass isn't always greener, Honey,...

    Its hard,..I get that,. but if you are really unhappy with your DH,.then leave him before getting entangled with someone else,.. if only for the sake of your DS,.....

    Also,.it is going to be really hard to concentrate on re-establishing a relationship with your DH when you are thinking about someone else,...Maybe you may have to find new work,..if, of course, you want to work things out.

    Good luck!

  10. #10
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    Some gems of wisdom there, ta

    Definitely seeing things in this guy that aren't always there in the relationship with my DP (though if I was with this other guy I'm sure he'd find many other ways to **** me off ), so will see if we can work on strengthening those areas.

    I know it's made worse by the problems DP and I are having (which aren't related to this, they've always been there since we got together).

    And might just set myself a time limit of say, a month, to either get over it or change jobs. I just don't want to do that because it's just a wussy way out

    It's just interesting I think because we always tell people to do the right thing but we are human and we do find ourselves in non-ideal situations (like this) and if we admit to it we get frowned on or judged. Which is understandable but frustrating too. Hence why I'm on here going "augh! advice!" rather than calling up my girlfriends or mum (haha, that'd be a fun call ) to say "how do you think I should handle this?" I don't want those around me to look down on me for something that I'm not even doing wrong just thinking about. And they would. Which makes it hard for people to make good choices if they do need a push in the right direction.


 

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