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  1. #871
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cherished View Post
    All my pregnancies have ended in m/c or been a chemical pregnancy
    that single little sentence sounds very heavy.

    I am so sad to hear it.
    I wish there was something to say, but there isn't, so

  2. #872
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    It's a lot harder to get through than I thought it would be.

  3. #873
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    I'm in a numb state at the moment, just had my first mc, can't help thinking that if I didn't 'overreact' I still wouldn't know about it. Last Sat night I noticed a pink tinge on the toilet paper, called nurse on call who told me to see a doctor because I had increased nausea and light headedness, so I went to emergency, The doctors told me that night that it's normal to have spotting in early pregnancy and that everything looked fine, but to come in during the week to have a scan because the placenta could be low. I was due to be 10 weeks. I had the scan Mon afternoon to find that there was no heartbeat and that it only measured 6 weeks. The radiographer told me to go back to emergency from there so I did, finally around 7pm a Doc comes in to tell me I have the choice of D&C or pass it naturally, I opted for the d&c as I thought it was hard enough finding out that i have been carrying a dead baby for 4 weeks already, I just wanted it over, so I was admitted, had procedure tues night and discharged wed lunch time.

    What's confusing me is that I have so many people telling me that mc's are common and lots of women have them, so I start feeling like I'm not allowed to be sad and upset, or that I'm just weak for feeling this way. I'm trying to get on with every day life but I have to keep reminding myself I'm not pregnant anymore which just makes it worse.

    We will try again, but at the moment, I can't even think about sex. Is that normal?

  4. #874
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    NicM...

    I'm so sorry. I know exactly what you mean. All of it.

    I think people say that, about it being common not as a comment on how you are taking it, but more to say it wasn't anything you did, and it doesn't mean anything for future fertility.

    Thats how it has felt to me. Or at least I've chosen to take it that way. The other way would just make me so much angrier.

    It is hard. It's awful and lonely and empty and it has made me very angry at the world and my body.

    Why did my body hold on so long?

    About sex - no, I didn't feel like it. I still don't. I'm also a bit apprehensive about falling pregnant again. I don't know what I really want and I don't trust my body anymore. It would just Hurt so much to go through it again. And so soon.


    VintageLover It's really an awful time.

  5. #875
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    lola77 is offline BH Advocate - Sydney: Northern Beaches
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    I'm sorry nicm.

    People struggle to know what to say, to know what's appropriate. I know in the past I've said things to friends that have miscarried that I know I'd have hated to heard said to me. But I wouldn't doubt that all of the things said were out of compassion and with good intentions.

    It's a tough, sucky time and you'll feel like your heart is breaking for a little while, and maybe even a little longer, but I promise you'll feel better.

    Mine was in July and another 2 IVF cycles haven't produced a pregnancy. It makes me a little sad as I approach my due date but I'm staying hopeful.

    Take care of yourself for now and the rest will fall into place.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to lola77 For This Useful Post:

    NicM  (24-01-2012)

  7. #876
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    NicM

    3 months ago i had my second miscarriage in a row, I fell pregnant directly after the first miscarriage which I lost at 8 weeks naturally and the second I found out at the 12 week scan that my babies heartbeat had stopped at 9 weeks...

    No words cab describe the emptiness and loss that goes through a mother when she finds out her baby is no longer alive. I'm still struggling now with the grief, and am seeing a councilor next Friday about it.

    I felt like I was very alone with the fact that I'm still not coping with the loss, reading your story has def brought me some comfort..

    If I hadn't of already given birth 2 years ago to a beautiful healthy baby, I couldn't imagine the state I would be in now, it's such a hard thing to deal with. Don't ever feel like your not aloud to grieve for your loss. There is no right amount of time that it will take.

    Laura

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    I sadly lost my daughter at 32 weeks preg 11/11/10, My new partner and I have just found out we're expecting: Im 8 weeks and 2 days along. Im so excited yet so so scared: Is there anyone who has been in the same boat as this and could possibly offer any support to me: Im 22 years old and I also have a 5.5 yr old daughter.

    gone but not forgotten

  9. #878
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    Well Chelleylane and NicM, I am sad to say I am here to join you both...
    had a scan at 12 weeks to find Babe's heart had stopped, and began to shrink back...
    so hard to understand what has happened after seeing two awesome U/S results at 6 and 9 weeks!
    We moved house and I changed job roles... Wondering if I just over did things? Can't help but look to myself for blame... Did I get cocky making it this far this time? Did I lift too much... Did I forget to take my vitamins.. Did I eat the wrong thing? am I just too old and broken for this baby caper?
    Problem now is I have already spent two days in hospital only to have to go backmonday to have D/C... They call it a missed miscarriage as my body refuses to give up this little one. Dr said good for future pregnancy that my cervix won't open! Not so great now as I have to deal with carrying my little angel inside while my heart is breaking.
    Let's hope all goes well and the next chapter can begin to be written!

  10. #879
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    Pickledpink

    Such a hard thing to come to terms with. When your body won't stop giving up... Your heart is continuously trying to pump life into something you can't see, but you know is there.. I questioned myself for days and scrutinized everything I had done to figure out why I had lost my second in a row, but you will never get the answer... Im now trying to be positive about trying again, as my husband is desperate to have another baby with me, but the nerves of losing another is driving me away. Your def not alone..

  11. #880
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    Hi - i hope it's ok if I join this thread. Hugs to everyone on this thread already.

    Pickledpink, I can relate. We found out at 12 weeks that our bub had gone (last MOnday 30/1) after having 4 scans showing a healthy bub with a strong heartbeat, the most recent being 11 days beforehand.

    I hope it's ok to share my story. I'm sorry that this is long...

    It's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for us this last month or so, as I started spotting on NYE during a three week holiday overseas. We have been trying for over 2 years for our first baby and finally achieved BFP after one cycle of Clomid (found out early Dec, - due in August 2012). We had booked this holiday before finding out (because we haven't had a holiday in years) in order to help us relax and stop focusing on TTC. As it turns out, we found out a few weeks before we went that we were pregnant. We spoke to my GP and Gyn/FS, who said it was fine to go away. Unfortunately, the universe had other plans for us and our hopes for a relaxing holiday weren't to be, as we spent 2/3 of it worrying that we were losing our long-awaited bub (I had been advised in a phone call to a midwife in Aus not to get a scan over there, but to wait until we got back).

    When we returned home, we had three scans over the next week and a half due to worsening bleeding and cramping. All showed a healthy bub, and i was diagnosed with two perigestational haematomas, which were causing the symptoms. We were repeatedly told that this was common and nothing to worry about, that there was no increased risk of miscarriage (especially given the positive scans up to 10wks 5days) but i was advised to rest, so i did. I had told work i was pregnant, which helped in terms of reducing pressure from that angle.

    In our most recent scan, the hematomas had gone, so we were very relieved (as this explained the worse bleeding, cramping). I had further cramping and bleeding over coming days, thinking this was part of the process of the hematomas leaving my body once and for all. Given we had had so many scans, all positive, i made a little promise to myself to try to remain calm and hold off on any further scans until our 12 week scan (didn't want to fry the thing!). And my symptoms improved over that time. Things got worse again 2 days before the booked scan, so we went to ED again to find that we had lost our little one, probably the week or so before. It seems that we must have lost it very soon after seeing it on the screen at our last scan.

    After feeling initially very sad about losing our little one, I have moved to a point this week whereby I can somewhat make sense of the loss of that particular little bub and feel somewhat ok about it by reminding myself that things were obviously not biologically right, and I am hopeful of becoming pregnant again after our immediate success with Clomid (and our OB is very optimistic about this also). The hardest thing for me this week (week two post-loss) has been the idea of returning to the old routine of work etc. As well as the psychological adjustment on becoming pregnant in terms of planning for the lifestyle changes and role changes etc that we were expecting in August, the issues i was having meant I had to spend the last month having to prioritise my body and baby above all else, particularly work. It's hard to suddenly switch that off and prioritise work again. Having a bit of a mini-crisis about that right now and thinking about a career change (my profession requires a lot of emotional investment). I have an inkling that this is a normal way to be feeling and i will get past this, but it's just tricky right now.

    Lauradim, I really feel for you, and all others, who go through this more than once. When i think about what i have learnt about patience and hope during our years of TTC and this recent loss, I try to consider these as important skills that will help me when i am eventually a parent. (I guess I consider hope and patience to be among the most important and precious things we can teach our children). It makes me have so so much respect for people who go through even more than we have on their journey to being a parent - and i can't help but consider what an amazing parent you will be from learning through these experiences (or how this must be helping you to be an amazing one right now if you already have children).

    But that's just one way to look at it. It's doesn't really make it any easier, but it helps me to see some kind of meaning behind it.
    Last edited by ABigDeepBreath; 09-02-2012 at 11:59.


 

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