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  1. #751
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    LilMuffin - I love the idea of your special rose and statue, somewhere where you can go to remember your little one. I have a charm bracelet that has my kids initials and a few other things on it, and I went and bought a beautiful little hummingbird charm to remember my little one the other day. As the first thing I remember on waking up in hospital the following morning after losing the baby during the night was looking out the window and seeing a little bird flying. I hope that tomorrow you will be feeling a little better, a little stronger. But I'm with you somedays I just don't want to be cheered up. That's great that your boss is okay with you taking the time off work.

    TamTam - Glad you have a really supportive DH, and cuddles with a puppy are always lovely. I hope yesterday was a better day for you. My doctor has also advised waiting 3 months.

    ~isis~ - I've started writing down how I'm feeling every now and again too and the things I am thankful for, am finding it quite helpful in terms of getting it out there, and sorting out the thoughts in my head.
    Sorry to hear that the doctor was awful over your blood tests. Hope you get the results soon.

    AFM - I've tried talking DH about how I am feeling and about having another baby. But he just won't talk to me. I even wrote him a letter, hoping that would help start the ball rolling to discussion, but I just got a really comforting hug. I know this has been very traumatic for him as well, so I guess I just have to give him some more time.

  2. #752
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    Hi ladies. How are you going?

    I'm on my phone so it's hard to write personals! But I love your charm bracelet idea. That's lovely and also something you carry with you. I mentioned that I bought a ring.

    I think you should ask fir whatever tests you need and want. It's your body and your peace if mind. I'm glad that you were able to get another BT and the nurse was right.

    Sounds to me, that if we all keep on 'keeping on' and we're ready we might all be TTC at the same time. About three months from now. I think about it but it seems so abstract and surreal. I spoke to a friend at work yesterday who had three m/c before having a sticky one! I just don't know how you go on from that. I'm devastated after one.

    In fact, I don't know if the first week I was just in denial but this week is hard going. Maybe its going back to work and noticing that life goes on, when I want it to stop. I cry every day all the way home. I'm just so miserable and barely keeping it together at work.

  3. #753
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    Three months from now...would love to be TTC. Fingers crossed I can get DH on side. It does seem very surreal though, and as much as I want my baby, the thought of being pregnant again is very scary.

    TamTam, yes I read about your ring, its nice to have something to carry with you

    I'm finding it very hard to just keep on keeping on. I have had a lot of things to keep me busy though, but I keep breaking down. Out of sight of the kids of course.
    It was very hard to hide the physical pain from them the first week, but the emotional pain is much harder. I've been more snappy than ever...poor kidlets.

    I keep going to DH for hugs, and he asks whats wrong...I mean there are lots of things wrong, but I just need the comfort...a little hug to get me through for a little while, till I need another one.

    Big to all that need them. And thank you for giving me a place that I can come and talk.

  4. #754
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    M&O - I find the idea of getting pregnant again terrifying too. And the emotional stuff is harder... Especially when there are still physical things going on. I'm just fed up of not being 100%. It's so frustrating. And there is a part of me that doesn't want to get over it, I don't want to forget the baby I was so excited about. DH is quite good. Walks in the door and sees me crying while fixing dinner and gives me hugs. He is worried about getting pregnant again because he doesn't want me to go through this again. I hope we all start feeling stronger soon, and fingers crossed for you that DH will want to try again.

  5. #755
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    i am susposed to get the test results back today,... I'm sitting and waiting for the phone to ring.. I've never had the phone on me at all times ever. my partner made a complaint to the hospital after the way the dr spoke to me because he was horrified about it, so its going to the medical board.. he didn't even refer to my baby as a baby just as 'it' i don't normally let peoples comments get to me but i guess right now I'm not really myself, and for him to be so cold when I've just made a huge decision about my baby.. i think i have the right to be happy I've made the correct choice. but I'm so worried that I'm going to be treated poorly because my partner complained. i don't know. I'm upset the day i am booked to have it done is the day they have the memorial at the hospital. and I'm booked for the afternoon so i think I'm going to miss it because i will be having the curette done at the time. i wasn't even sure i wanted to go.. but now I'm sad i will miss it, and my baby will have to wait another month before he is there.. I'm only assuming all this. i don't know. but i do know I'm booked for afternoon.. i have to be at the hospital at 11am. and i didn't even ask where i have to go... stupid of me. i was too upset to even think of what i need to ask.
    I'm going to give them another 30mins-1hr and then i will call for my blood test results. I'm scared that i will have that dr and he will stuff up when I'm under and i won't get to have anymore kids.. god have i made the right choice.. what have i done to myself.
    I'm sorry i can't do personals right now my 2 year has worked out how to climb the safety gate, and open the child locks on my fridge/ cupboards... and right now is frustrating me cause he found my stash of chocolate... him and chocolate don't mix ( he is crazy anyway) i will be back later if i get a chance and will do them then. hope you are all as good as you can be under these circumstances.

  6. #756
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    I have hit rock bottom, I didn't think I could feel any worse and then I woke up today and I am so angry. Is this normal? Although I love my husband we are not on the same page, I feel that he is the most insensitive person in the world. He actually said this to me this morning 'I didn't feel that it was a real baby, I don't feel the same as you do. It's not inside me, i can't feel a connection until it is actually born.' He says it's better it happened this way then i wouldn't have had to choose a termination when we found out the baby had something wrong with it. I hate him so much for saying that to me and it goes to show we are completely different people. He just wants me to get over it and move on and i am beside myself with grief and anger, what is wrong with the man I love? What is wrong with me? His family are avoiding me which absolutely sh**s me, my husband has actually taken the day off to help his sister move. When he was in the shower this morning she rang his mobile and left a message saying: 'Didn't want to ring the house phone incase Lauren aswered'. What the f**k is the matter with these people, i am supposed to be family going through the worst experience of my life and they are avoiding me. My husband rang me after he left and said he left something at home but no one wanted to pick it up for him whilst i was home. I told him I was going to the doctor with DD and they could pick it up whilst i was gone. When I got back it was gone. You have got to be kidding me. I am just so angry and hurt. Sorry about the rant and the language this is so not like me.

  7. #757
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    Hi everyone...

    Isis - did you get your tests back? How are you doing?

    lilmuffin...I'm so sorry you are finding your DH difficult. What an awful situation. I guess it's these times that put pressure on our relationships and it's difficult to navigate. We all grieve so differently, and men are wired so different to us girls. I wish I could help you or offer advice but I really don't have enough wisdom myself. And your family are being so difficult. I wish they were more supportive of you. A bunch of flowers and a home cooked meal dropped off would be nice hey. And you are absolutely allowed to rant here...that's what we're here for.

    AFM..well, lilmuffin I feel your pain today. I thought that I was improving but struggled through this morning at work...told my boss I was very 'wobbly' today and not coping and finally ended up in his office in tears at 1:00 with him sending me home. He was very compassionate and said don't worry, you've been through a big traumatic event, you need time. (His wife is a counsellor so i'm guessing that's why he's so understanding).
    I get home to discover we have no power, and our horrible neighbours who yell abuse at us, dump dog poo in our yard etc, have switched the main power off to our house. Delightful.
    Then, I get a text from DH's dad saying they want to come see us tomorrow (I haven't wanted to see anyone especially them, they are super sensitive and I don't want to talk about it to them. They're not my parents!) because FIL has broken down with grief at work and wants to come and grieve with us. His work has given him the day off tomorrow so he can!! Which I think really means have us comfort them, and they'll want to sticky beak into our business and how we're doing, and I'm just not like that with people. ARGH...I understand DH may want to see them, but I have no desire to comfort their grief...it was our baby, not theirs. Do I sound horribly insensitive? I don't want them here...they will stay for ages, I will have to make them food etc...and I want to be alone with DH and do what we want. I'm a bad daughter'n'law. The last time I spoke with FIL I actually had to stand up to him, which I never do, and tell him politely that things were our business (DH crashed his car because he fell asleep at the wheel just near their house - and FIL rang ME to tell me about going to bed earlier etc!! I was furious, once FIL actually asked me 'how is your marriage going?) They are so frustrating. What do I do??? (Now I'm ranting!!)

  8. #758
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    well i go my results back, there is no denying it now.. they have dropped.. not a lot, but still dropped. i didn't want that to be the case.

    lilmuffin. im so sorry to hear your having such a bad day. I'm not sure what is normal or not.. i have a few days before its all really over for me. i still feel pregnant and everything.. how long dose it take for your body to know something is wrong?

    tamtam and M&O i have no idea when i will be ready to have another baby, the thought of getting pregnant and having this happen again is scaring me so much i think i will never be able to have another baby.. all my life i wanted a big family but now i don't think i can go through it all again, this is my second time, the first time i was 4 weeks and a few days i only knew i was pregnant because my dr made me do a test before giving me a medicine, then a few days later i lost it i wasn't connected to the baby at all. in fact i wasn't sure what i was going to do we were not trying and i was on birth control so was in shock, but we had come to terms and started getting happy about it when the bleeding/ loss happened. this was only a few months ago. i never really came to terms with it but got around it by telling myself i wouldn't have even known if i hadn't gone to the dr before hand, and thats when we decided to have another baby earlier then planned.. now this. i can't do it again, my partner keeps saying we will try again as soon as possible... I'm having trouble telling him I'm not ready. he doesn't understand why. i guess he isn't scared like i am, he isn't the one with the hormones going crazy, he isn't the one that thinks its just going to happen again and again and no baby will ever be born by me again.

    men i think they say the things they do because to them its what they think. honestly lilmuffin my partner said pretty much the same thing to me when we found out.. he said ' what do you class it as a baby, i don't not until it can be born and live, but i don't have it growing inside of me so i guess you see it differently to me' i couldn't talk to him for about 2 days after that.. he hasn't said anything so upsetting again.. i think they honestly have no idea and just really want us to move on so they try to make it happen... all be it by being insensitive which i don't think they really mean to be but don't know what else to say.. they have a point the baby isn't in them.. how can they feel as connected as we do? it hurts me to think that way but it also helps me think from my partners point of view.. and i have to remind myself its his loss too.. he just deals with it better.


    as the movie lion king says 'hakuna matata' i swear this is why my 2.5 year old is making me watch it every day.. i brought the movie the same day i was told bubba had no heart beat. its almost like it was meant to happen that way.. the movie wast meant to be out until the next day.

  9. #759
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    Isis - Hope you got your results back. I'm glad your hubby made a complaint about the doctor, some of them can be so insensitive. In hospital I had a midwife refer to my baby as retained product and the on-call doctor basically tell me I was stupid for not having a d&c, because I would probably end up with one anyways.
    I went for another blood test today to make sure my levels have gone down to zero or below. Will ring my doctor on Tues to find out, as she only works three days a week.

    Lilmuffin - I totally think the anger is normal. I've definitely been feeling it. Angry at my body for not being able to hold on to my baby. Angry at my DH for not talking to me. Angry because then I keep making assumptions as to what he may be thinking. Angry at other people for not talking to me, and then angry when they do. Perhaps your husband asked the family not to bother you. But grr to him saying all that insensitive stuff, that really sucks.

    Tamtam - Argh, what is it with family. I mean I understand that they can feel grief as well, but unless you have actually lived it, its just not the same. My MIL had two m/cs and a stillbirth before she had her two kids, and yet she still managed to come up with that ever quoted line "ahh well, its probably for the best, your body is getting rid of what wasn't right". My sister even said the same to me. Geez.
    I'm really glad your boss was understanding and let you come home. Hopefully the weekend will give you a chance to feel a little better, maybe try and talk to your DH and see if he can get your inlaws to stay away for a bit longer.

    AFM - Well think I spent a little too long on the computer earlier, because when I got up, my leg had gone to sleep and gave way on me...and I managed to fall smack on the ground, hurting my head, knee, hand and ankle. Then had to drive to go pick up my daughter from school...fun fun, limping through the school grounds.

  10. #760
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    Oh Isis. I'm sorry.
    I understand how you are feeling about TTC, you need time, and eventually your DH will understand that too. I think most people's initial reaction in this situation, is that you want to hear "you can try again". But in reality there are so many emotions that come along with that sentence, that can make it scary, heartbreaking and so not the right thing to say.


 

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