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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by MamaLlama View Post
    But its different to have given birth, and to have seen your baby that looks like a baby, even if it was pre-20 weeks. And I just feel we don't fit anywhere.

    I have found that alot of people think that when you have a m/c you dont see your baby or your baby dosnt look like a baby or its very small, and therfore i found with another family memeber that lost a baby at 13weeks when she called it a miscarriage they didnt take it very seriously, it was around the same time we lost gabriel and she got comments like "ah these things happen" "lucky it happened early as it most likely had something wrong with it" other people dont see them as babies.

    I never got comments like that, and to me we both had to practically give birth and although our babies were different sizes they were both completely formed,

    If you have to give birth and you see your baby you deserve something better to class your self under than miscarriage.

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    wow, thats exactly how i've been feeling. i can't class my harry as a miscarriage as he was 16weeks and i gave birth to him and we buried him. i've been feeling terribly guilty the last 2 days as i haven't cried as much as last week. i have written my harry a song and feel that workign on this has really helped me. but then i haven't lookat at his photos since last week, or read a poem from a friend, or even rang anybody as i still don't feel ready for these things. but am i horrible that i haven't cried? i think of him every day.

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    I wouldnt feel bad, i havnt cried for along time and i think about it everyday but not in the same way as i use to, im not as angry anymore about it,

    Its not something we talk about i in my house, when we have to say something regarding we say " you know when what happened happened?"

    All his stuff is away in a cupboard, were not ready to go there yet,

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    I don't now about anyone else here but I am getting a little bit over all my friends telling me that losing the baby was "for the best" and that I can keep trying. I feel like they just expect me to get over what happened and be ok with it which I am not.Do I just pretend that I am ok when I am not I just don'e know how to react anymore. What does everyone else do or say?
    Got my results from the ultrasound that I had done the day before I lost the baby ( we saw the heartbeat that day too), and there was a blot clot between the baby and the placenta, not sure how it happened but I am now thinkning that it was all my fault.

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    Got my results from the ultrasound that I had done the day before I lost the baby, and there was a blot clot between the baby and the placenta, not sure how it happened but I am now thinkning that it was all my fault.
    I am starting to get over my friends saying that it was for the best and that I can just try again, I am now feeling like I have to pretend that I am fine when I talk to them, I don't know how to handle this anymore. Anyone have any ideas what to say to them??

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    sorry about the double up, obviously not very awake this morning!!

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    BJ, it's absolutely not your fault!

    Sometimes clots form, and it's not through anyones fault.

    I understand about others. I go that from my mum. I used to just cut off the emotion with her and say 'ok' and move onto another subject. It's not worth trying to explain it sometimes. Later on down the track you might like to explain to them how it felt, and they'll probably be mortified at how it came across, but for now I'd suggest to find a nice safe place to discuss and ignore the others...

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    BJK i know how you feel. i'm sick of it too, the whole these things happen for a reason. and while i do believe that things (not things like this though) you just dont' say that to someone who has had a loss. how would they feel if they lost a parent or close friend and we said well it happened for a reason. it sux that they think this way. it happened to us and we don't know the reason and thats even harder to grasp. i agree with izy, sometimes its better to cut off. peopel that are like that obviously won't be there emotionally for you if they think like that. my DH's sister is liek that, and we went to visit them on the weekend in newcastle. she asks me infront of everyone oh so how are you feeling? i knew she was one of those that aren't emotional so jsut said yep, doign ok . and she did the whole well nature does these things for a reason . i jsut switched off.

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    Oh God the insensitive comments! One woman at work told me "there must have been something wrong them so it must have been for the best"...another said "better now than later" and yet a third said, and I'm still reeling "better than having disabled kids!"

    Now I have said previously I didn't know how I would cope with a disabled child, and that I think I might even have left DH over it. A comment apparently cast up at me by some unhelpful mean person on another thread (I refuse to go back to the thread but a friend told me not to because of that). I think that still might be right who knows but a) leaving ones DH because you can't cope is a damnsight less drastic than any child dying and b) these babies were perfect, there was no problem other than that they didn't have a membrane between them to keep their cords separated. If we could have just gotten them to 26 weeks we would have had a long hard road but a hopeful one with a good chance.

    But the comments from the 3 old biddies at work I couldn't get over. Almost everyone has been wonderful, but those few really make you feel the knife between your ribs.

    I haven't cried the past 2 days for the first time. I had been crying multiple times a day until then. I feel guilty too, but I feel the pain it just doesn't end up in tears. The twins are still the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing at night as well as many times a day.

    We hope to buy a house soon and I'm going to try to plant a special bit of the garden to sit and remember them.

  10. #40
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    Iv been lucky everyone seems scared to ask me about what happened, people in my family that is, i got no comments, just people constantly asking me how i was feeling,

    however now that im pregnant again DHs family dont want people to know til im very far in and i think thats rubbish, its not something thats likely to happen again and i shouldnt have to hide that im pg.


 

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