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  1. #291
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    Quote Originally Posted by TSG2011 View Post
    Jadiekin- Im so sorry to read your loss- i was with you in the May thread.

    Ive had 2 mc in a row and it is never easy no matter how many you;ve had.

    Please know that mc's are SOOO common infact 3 out of 4 pregnancies end in a mc...its just sometimes not meant to be....making a baby is such a huge job for ones body to do,....if you think about it its 2 cells coming together to create a billion...so many things can go wrong in the process and if nothing does then thats a miracle...miracle of life.

    I know its hard to deal with now and nothing anyone can tell you will make your pain easier....just know there are so many women in here who know what your going through that can offer support...we are here!!

    My only advice is to cry when you need, and communicate with you DF...heal as long as you need to!!


    Yes you were in the May thread with me, so I remember.



    I was told M/C are very common, I didn't realize. How sad ! Your right when you think of it like that, it is such a HUGE feat to accomplish for our body and for developing baby.

    It's a surreal feeling. I never ever imagined myself here, and I now I am... I have this feeling of a peaceful painful acceptance. I know I'm going to be just fine.


  2. #292
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    Hi ladies, it's with great sorrow that I've come to join you. I need to share my story and figured here would be the best place.

    I'm having to type this up on my phone so please bear with me.

    I'll start at the beginning. Hubby and I had been TTC for 2 months and we found out I was pregnant last month. We were thrilled and so excited. I had been waiting for this moment for such a long time, as hubby took longer than me to be ready for kids. To be finally pregnant felt like a lifetime of waiting was finally over.

    In the beginning I only had very mild symptoms. Sore nipples, mild nausea (no throwing up) and very tired. This concerned me somewhat as other women who were due the same month as me were having severe m/s and other symptoms. I just wasn't feeling pregnant.

    I went to the doctor and had my bloods done and my pregnancy was confirmed. My hcg level was just under 400 at approximately 4 weeks, so it wasn't as high as I would have hoped for. The doctor at the time thought this was fine and had me booked in for an early scan.

    When it came time for my first scan I was 7 weeks and 4 days. I was nervous while waiting to go in for my scan and prepared myself for the worst. My husband and I went in, I laid down, held my breath whilst watching the screen hoping to see a little bubba, and there it was. A tiny little bean. The panic started to kick in when I noticed it wasn't as big as it should be for a 7 week bub. It only measured at 6 weeks. The lady then said she would do an internal to get a better look.

    So I empty my bladder and prepare for the internal. We find bub again and it doesn't look right to me. I can see the heartbeat but it's so slow and faint. We couldn't even hear it. The lady said "it's a bit worrying that the baby is so small" but didn't say much else. I was just so confused and worried, I didn't know what to think. We were asked to come back in one week and see how the baby had progressed.

    During that one week between scans I prepared myself for losing the baby. The first scan just didn't look promising to me. I still didn't completely give up hope though, and rubbed my belly often and told bub to grow nice and strong.

    This Monday just passed I went in for my second scan. I didn't want to watch the screen but hoped to see a big strong bub growing, but I saw the opposite. Bub was clearly gone. There was only a spec were bub had been, but the yolk sack was still big and round.

    The lady left the room without saying much (I didn't like her) and she went to get the male doctor. I waited on the bed looking at the screen with my husband holding my hand. It felt like a lifetime waiting for the doctor to arrive. He eventually came into the room and did a quick scan, and apologised, basically saying that the pregnancy was over. My worst fears had come true. Hearing those words just tore my heart out.

    He was very kind and spoke to me gently about what had happened and why it may have happened. He was a very caring doctor and I appreciate the way he delt with the situation.

    I went to my GP on Tuesday and discussed what was to happen next. He booked me into the Early Pregnany Clinic at the hospital so I could discuss my options. I went there on Wednesday and found it was located right next to the maternity ward. So while I was waiting my turn to go in I had to watch all the beautiful baby bumps walk past me :-(

    I spoke to the nurses and doctor there (who were so lovely) and I asked them for a d&c as I couldn't sit around and wait for my body to finally realise my baby was dead. It had died three weeks ago and my body still wanted go carry it :-(

    I was surprised to find out that they could fit me in straight away for the d&c. I quickly filled the paperwork and said goodbye to my mother (she took me to the hospital) and I went off to prepare for the op. I got into my gown, had to insert two tablets so I would dilate and then lay in bed for an hour and wait to be wheeled in to surgery.

    After surgery I woke up in the recovery ward. Every single nurse was so caring and supportive. They helped me get up, get dressed and they were so helpful and understanding when I found myself in an uncomfortable situation in the loo (TMI warning) I had gone to change my pad and found that I had soaked through to my knickers, so had to buzz the nurse to come in and help me change and clean up, all while I was on the loo. She was so wonderful and didn't make me feel embarrassed at all.

    I returned home that evening and have been resting when I can. I've been trying to be strong, but broke down in tears last night. I miss my baby. I now have an empty feeling in my belly. I think back to the images of the first scan and I just long so much for that baby of mine. It was taken from me far too soon.

    I've been going through so many emotions and I don't know how I should feel. I've been so angry and snappy at everyone. And then I end up in tears again. It's just not fair. I never thought this could happen to me.

    I'm sorry if this is all too long winded, and I hope it makes sense as it's hard typing it on my phone. I just had to share my story somewhere. Thanks for reading.

  3. #293
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    babyblu11- i am really so so so sorry for your loss...i was in the May thread with you and i know all too well the experience you went through...i did it 2 x in a row...and it doesnt get easier i can tell you.

    Please know you are not the only one and alot of us have suffered mc and d&C but trust me...time heals all wounds! i managed this time to fall pregnant again 2.5 weeks after my d&C and this pregnancy is looking to be a viable one...but unfortunately thanks to my 2 mc ive been tainted buy the experience to get overly excited because like you know it can be taken away from you very quickly.

    Cry when you need and talk to us for support and advice...the only thing i can offer you is to be kind to yourself...it wasnt your fault and be thankful your body is strong enough to recognise a problem with the baby.

    Please keep in contact and know there is hope after a mc

    xxx

  4. #294
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    Default hugs

    I am very sorry for your loss babyblu, I too walked a similar path and had to lay there and endure those terrible scans where all hope was taken. It is so normal how you are feeling and all I can say is that time does heal.

    Vent, write or share whatever you like in here, that's why we are all here for each other.

    xxxLisa

  5. #295
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    Thank you girls for your support. I honestly don't know how I'd survive if I hadn't have found BH. I would be feeling very alone and lost right now if it wasn't for all of you lovely ladies.

    TSG I'm so sorry you have been through this twice in a row now. That's just terrible :-( Best of luck for a healthy nine month long pregnancy this time hun.

    I've been feeling very 'blah' today and a bit numb. I've tried keeping myself busy doing housework and the washing, but now I'm feeling a bit of physical pain. I have very mild AF type cramps. I don't have any bleeding or spotting. Has anyone else felt this after a d&c or should I be concerned?

    I'm hoping it's just normal as I really don't need anything else to be worried about right now. My head just feels like such a mess and sometimes I feel like having a brain snap at the smallest of things.

    I'm thinking hubby and I should attempt to perhaps go out for dinner sometime this weekend. It's been a while since we've done something nice like that together since we've been moving house and all. I'm just not sure if it's the right time though and if I can get the motivation. We'll just have to see what happens I guess. Maybe a night snuggled up together in front of the tv would be good.

    I'm rambling again, sorry. I told you my mind is everywhere at the moment :-/ Urgh, these 'up and down' feelings aren't fun. Sorry if I'm choking up the thread with my nonsense.

  6. #296
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    BabyBlu- sending you hugs I'm sorry for your loss. This group of ladies is very supportive, also check out the waiting to TTC thread, we chat in there a bit too.

    The emotional rollercoaster is no easy ride, please be gentle with yourself, and your DH.
    Being told that horrible news is devestating, and although I've not had a d&c, I have given birth to my stillborn son, so know what you felt being in the hospital around the preg bellies, and bubs being born, it is so very hard when you're the one who's preg journey doesn't end the right way, with a healthy bubba in your arms. So sorry you have found yourself here, feel free to vent whatever, whenever....we feel your pain.
    xoxo Take Care

  7. #297
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    I had hoped so very dearly to never have to join a thread on this topic. We lost our first about three weeks ago. It's been the hardest thing we have ever had to go through. Being back at work is definitely helping. My hormones are mostly stable, but still get teary for no reason some times. All the emotions have hit us, anger, frustration, saddness etc. Why us, why why why. Gone back and forwards on whether we should TTC soon or not. I don't think we will wait months and months before trying, maybe another month or so. I hate that the next pregnancy will feel tainted. I've lost my innocence.

  8. #298
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    Default hugs

    I am very sorry for your loss preggle. I know it is hard to believe but in time it does get easier and while you will never forget it does become easier to live with.

    I hope that your ttc journey is quick xxx

  9. #299
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    Preggle I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. It will take time for you to heal, but you will get there hun.

    It's been four weeks since my D&C and although I'm doing really well, I still have my moments when I get all teary and upset. But we all need to have a cry every now and then. It's a part of the healing process and coping mechanism.

    Take your time to mourn your loss, and share your thoughts and feelings with a loved one who can support you. And of course, you can always chat to the girls on here for support as well.

    Sending big warm hugs

  10. #300
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    Default No baby for me

    Ok so here goes - I was in the May thread too but was keeping pretty quiet just waiting for my 12 week scan and taking things one day at a time. I have a DD9 and a DS2 and thought we were done but DH really wanted another baby. We are both 39 now so no time to waste. I had pretty bad morning sickness all day every day and stacks of pregnancy symptoms so thought all was going along as normal. At the scan there was no baby at all - just a big 10 week sized sac and no baby. So hard to believe your body can still go ahead and be pregnant even though the baby isn't developing past the cell stage. I had heard of a blighted ovum but had no idea what it meant. I had a D&C the next day - 11 days ago - then developed serious abdominal pain last Tuesday and had to call an ambulance. Turns out I had an infection and spent 2 nights in hospital - in the antenatal ward along with some new mums and some mums in the same boat as me. It was really difficult to be away from my little family who were so scared and sad too. I am going ok now both health wise and emotionally. I understand there was something not right with the egg or sperm and that makes sense but I feel so ripped off that there was no baby after all those BFPs and pregnancy symptoms for 12 weeks. I also feel a little ok with the fact that I did not get to see a little baby who did not survive just a big empty hole - not sure why this helps but it does a bit. I am on a rollercoaster now trying to decide if I can put my body (and my mind) through it again. I have decided to wait until after Christmas to make any decisions on what happens next. I am focussing on my family and my health and I can't stop baking!!! It is kind of nice not to be sick now but it is very bitter sweet. Gosh isn't it easy to ramble when you feel this way.


 

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