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  1. #21
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    Hi Ladies
    Sorry to be joining your thread. I have been lurking and I am sorry to see so many here.
    I lost my first bub 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks. We weren't TTC but it was a lovely suprise. I found out at 4.5wks so had plenty of time to get attached.
    It did happen naturally and I didn't need a D&C but I did feel like the nurses thought I was causing them a great inconvenience.
    I went back to work on Monday. It sucked and still sucks.

  2. #22
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    duchessrose. i agree. it sux and still does.

  3. #23
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    hi all,
    i hope that no one minds if I join this thread. I sadly lost my bundle on 09/07/09 at 9 weeks, just a day after we saw the heartbeat. Still trying to gt my head around what happened, I did not need a d&c as they said that I had passed it all myself(not sure if that's good or bad).
    I am truley sorry for all of you lovely people that have lost there precious little ones aswell.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by bjk2924 View Post
    hi all,
    i hope that no one minds if I join this thread. I sadly lost my bundle on 09/07/09 at 9 weeks, just a day after we saw the heartbeat. Still trying to gt my head around what happened, I did not need a d&c as they said that I had passed it all myself(not sure if that's good or bad).
    I am truley sorry for all of you lovely people that have lost there precious little ones aswell.
    BJK - this thread is for people who have lost their bundle...we are all very supportive. I am so sorry that you lost your bundle. Feel free to ask anyone questions and come and rant whenever you want to...we are an understanding mob! Here is crossing fingers next time you get a sticky.

  5. #25
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    i do slightly agree to not classing some miscarriages as m/c and as stillbirths rather BUT im sure im going to upset alot of people here


    iv had an early m/c at around 6 weeks and my son was stillborn in april,

    both experiences totally different, they didnt even compare,

    having a m/c is a very saddening experience and having to pass the baby is horrible but it was nothing compared to giving birth to a complete, perfect baby that you could have taken home if only things had been different,

    it annoys me that some women compare an early miscarriage(to me before 12weeks) to a stillbirth, not the same.

    i think even though it isnt classed as a stillbirth til after 20 weeks, anything from around 12 weeks on when you have a fully formed baby could be called a stillbirth,

    i know alot of women will be annoyed by my comments but there mine and its the way I feel, having experienced both sides.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebdot View Post
    i do slightly agree to not classing some miscarriages as m/c and as stillbirths rather BUT im sure im going to upset alot of people here


    iv had an early m/c at around 6 weeks and my son was stillborn in april,

    both experiences totally different, they didnt even compare,

    having a m/c is a very saddening experience and having to pass the baby is horrible but it was nothing compared to giving birth to a complete, perfect baby that you could have taken home if only things had been different,

    it annoys me that some women compare an early miscarriage(to me before 12weeks) to a stillbirth, not the same.

    i think even though it isnt classed as a stillbirth til after 20 weeks, anything from around 12 weeks on when you have a fully formed baby could be called a stillbirth,

    i know alot of women will be annoyed by my comments but there mine and its the way I feel, having experienced both sides.
    So sorry to hear about both your experiences. I don't know how I would cope with a stillbirth. I agree they are poles apart. I do however think that a miscarriage is still a loss and we all still grieve what could have been...and believe me I am no stranger to that. I don't think miscarriages should be discounted, nor the people that have to go through them. Like I said, I agree that a stillbirth and a miscarriage are poles apart, but this thread is for people who have experienced loss from the early stages or pregnancy through to loss of a baby. We are all experiencing loss.

  7. #27
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    Thanks Iveturned40, i could not have said it better myself. I am still going to grieve for my baby even though it was less than 12 weeks old but it was my baby and that's that.
    I am sorry for everyone elses losses but we are all here to support each other and to help make the days a little easier if only for a moment. I know this thread and all you lovely people make it a bit easier to smile everyday.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebdot View Post
    i do slightly agree to not classing some miscarriages as m/c and as stillbirths rather BUT im sure im going to upset alot of people here


    iv had an early m/c at around 6 weeks and my son was stillborn in april,

    both experiences totally different, they didnt even compare,

    having a m/c is a very saddening experience and having to pass the baby is horrible but it was nothing compared to giving birth to a complete, perfect baby that you could have taken home if only things had been different,

    it annoys me that some women compare an early miscarriage(to me before 12weeks) to a stillbirth, not the same.

    i think even though it isnt classed as a stillbirth til after 20 weeks, anything from around 12 weeks on when you have a fully formed baby could be called a stillbirth,

    i know alot of women will be annoyed by my comments but there mine and its the way I feel, having experienced both sides.

    I can see where you are coming from, but I don't think anyone is comparing an early miscarriage to a full-term stillbirth? At least I have never met anyone here who does so.
    What I have found here are the most beautiful group of women who have become good friends in the last year or so, we have supported each other through so much and although most of us are now in the pregnant after m/c thread I am still finding such a great support network in these women.
    Technically I didn't have a stillbirth, my son died at 19 weeks. Yes I was induced, experienced labour and got to hold him and say my goodbyes. And yes, I do often think that 'miscarriage' isn't the right term for it...however having said that I don't think my experience compares to someone who lost a baby at 36 or 41 weeks.
    But at the end of the day, be it 5 weeks, 15 weeks, 25 or 35...they are all our babies and they are all our lost dreams.

    To be honest, even though I had a horrible experience I believe that people who have had multiple losses (no matter the gestation) have it harder than I do.
    There is now a support thread for people who have lost a bub through stillbirth if you would feel more comfortable there, or relate to their situations more?

  9. #29
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    I, too, agree they are poles apart. Not to detract from the loss felt by those with 1st tri losses at all. But the people I feel for most (perhaps because I'm one yes) are those who had 2nd trimester losses, with induction, but who aren't late enough to be called stillbirth at 20 weeks. That middle of the road group of 12-20 weeks, what are we called?

    Pre 12 weeks I can see is clearly called a miscarriage, and there's a language that goes with that and I totally feel for you.

    Post 20 weeks its birth, especially post viability, and there's a language to deal with stillbirth.

    There's no language/mindset for those of us in the 12-20 week group. We're not "just" a miscarriage where no birth took place. We're not recognised as stillbirth and our babies who are born respected as such by a lot of people (including I've found the grief counsellors in hospitals!).

    We fall nowhere. Any suggestions for how to refer to this experience to others and encourage recognition of our babies as "born" just like those later on in pregnancy would be appreciated! Maybe there's a technical term I don't know. There should be.

    As I say, I'm not at all detracting from the grief felt by those who lose a bub before 12 weeks. I know several people devastated by that, especially if they had a couple of m/c or had been trying a long time. But at least they have a language for it that's appropriate and recognised in the community even if they don't always get the support they deserve. The language is the first step I feel to that support.

    But its different to have given birth, and to have seen your baby that looks like a baby, even if it was pre-20 weeks. And I just feel we don't fit anywhere.

  10. #30
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    I had a loss at 12 weeks and another at 13.5 and I don't consider either to really be miscariages.

    One was a trophoblastic disease that killed my baby. I didn't miscarry, my body was still trying to grow the baby.

    The second was trap sequence twins. How can I call that a miscarriage when we watched them die from medical complications and again my body tried to continue to protect them after thier passing?

    Anyway, I agree that it is a whole different world for those who have had longer to attach to the babies. I also agree that acknowledgement of this will in no way detract from the grief felt by anyone who has an early loss.

    Just as I acknowledge that being told you CAN'T TTC will also have you experience massive amounts of grief (part of the molar condition).

    I do think that those who have given birth to complete babies be it at 16 or 36 weeks do need a little extra support from people that understand, just like those who are long term TTC or those who have experienced multiple losses also need that extra support. I'd like to think the new stillbirth section offers that, oh and mamalama I certainly consider your babies to stillborn even if the state doesn't, Just like I do Ethan.


 

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