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  1. #111
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    Hi ladies,

    I'm really sorry to read through all your comments - it deeply saddens me to see what everyone has been through

    I am in a very strange situation.

    I'm 21 and so is my partner. It was definitely a surprise when we found out I was pregnant - I took the test because I just new something was different.

    Well basically I started miscarrying last Friday and am still bleeding now - I don't know how long its meant to last. Its the weirdest and saddest situation, because we took a week to decide that we would keep the baby - as I am still a student and my partner an apprentice and we both live with my mum still. So we had completely decided to keep the baby and were excited and nervous etc So when I started miscarrying it was so left field - it was the furthest thing from my mind. So after adjusting to being pregnant and then adjusting again to loosing the baby it just seems so unfair.

    To make matters worse none of my friends have been pregnant so they have no idea what to say or do about my miscarriage and neither does my partner really because neither of us have had any experience. Its really devastating. And then people say things like "well at least now you can finish uni and have money before you have a baby" - its like because im 21 a miscarriage is a good thing!

    I have no idea if we should send the baby for testing? I have no idea what to expect - will I pass the baby?

    I'm totally scared and upset

    Thanks for listening everyone, I send all my best wishes to you all

  2. #112
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    Hi - I'm new on this thread and thought I'd just post cos this whole experience is very scary. I haven't read back on all the posts yet but I'm so sorry to each of you that you're going through this.
    My story - I'm 27 and this was my 2nd pregnancy. My first pregnancy was perfect - no dramas at all - and resulted in a perfect little girl who is now 17 months old. We had just started 'not NOT trying' and straight away I started feeling all these pregnancy symptoms. I tested on the Sunday (2 days before AF due) and it was negative. Then on wednesday evening (a day after AF due) I tested and got a faint line. I was pregnant!! I bought all these other tests just to make sure. that night I tried with a different brand and the line was so faint I could barely see it. That scared me. The line with my DD was so strong from the start.
    The next morning I tested with FMU and the line was still faint. Friday morning and it was fainter still. I just knew something was wrong. I still felt pregnant although I also felt like my symptoms were fading a bit. Saturday morning I tested and it was even fainter. I completely freaked and went to the dr. She said it was probably okay, that 'a line is a line' which I agree with, but I didn't agree with the fact that my line was getting lighter and lighter by the day. The dr arranged for me to have a blood test on Mon and Tues.
    Sunday morning at 330am I went to the toilet and there was blood. I was not surprised. It confirmed everything I already knew. Since then my emotions have been all over the place. I knew something was wrong, and people kept trying to give me hope that it was just a pregnancy bleed, but I knew for sure that it was a miscarriage. I was only 4/5 weeks pregnant so it was very early and I know it could be so much worse, but I'm still so scared. Sometimes I feel fine and then I just panic. Is everything happening with this miscarriage normal? How will I ever get the courage to try again?

    I haven't had heaps of bleeding - just enough for a regular AF. Last night I started getting these cramps which felt kind of like labour pains. Not as bad as labour, but it was just so cruel. I felt like it was rubbing it in my face that I'm not going to go through this labour. I'm terrified. I was scared initially of an ectopic pregnancy, and despite dr saying it's probably not cos my HCG levels are below 2, i'm still scared of every single twinge I feel.
    Anyway, I'm sorry for the essay. I just feel I need to talk to people who understand a bit about what I'm going through. This is the scariest thing I've been through.

  3. #113
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    Hello everyone,
    I'm new to this thread - I heard that it is a really supportive group. Some of you may already know my story.

    I have two beautiful children, the second of which was as a result of fertility treatment. We had a huge surprise not long ago when we found out that I had fallen pregnant while on the pill (after period of prolonged antibiotics). We were very shocked but so excited.

    I had some bleeding when I didn't know I was pregnant and the day I found out I had quite a big bleed but was told it should be ok because it was dark old blood. We had a good 13 wk scan - our baby was perfect. They did find a large blood clot in my uterus but it didn't seem to be interfering with the baby. The bleeding cleared up after about one wk and then we went for a routine scan with the ob last week.

    We quickly saw that our baby was not moving and had no heartbeat. It was so devastating and such a big shock. I've never been through something like this before. We went into hospital the next day and I was induced. It took about 20 hours but eventually I gave birth to my tiny baby girl. We were able to spend time with her which was wonderful and the hospital was fantastic.

    Almost a week later and I'm not in a good space. Really struggling and wanting answers. I won't find out anything for another month. We really want to TTC asap and are hoping, hoping, hoping that we will not have to go down the fertility treatment road again. But I'm staying positive and I think it will be ok.

    I'm very up and down at the mo and finding it hard to think of anything else and stay in the here and now. Keep looking into the past and into the future. Finding this site has been great, I really appreciate everyone sharing their stories, both negative and positive. for everyone!

  4. #114
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    Ashamum I am so sorry that you have had to join us! *hugs* It is so nice to talk with others who know what we have been through.

    I am the same as you- I find it hard to live in the present and future. I think millions of times a day about my little boy and what could have been. Everytime I see a pregnant lady, toddler, baby or pram I just tear up inside and my heart aches. Everyday at work it is a reminder to me because when I was pregnant I wrote each week in my calendar how many weeks pregnant I would be. I booked an apppointment in today for a few weeks time and that was when we had our next scan scheduled at 19 weeks.

    We have felt some relief in the last few days when we found out the baby was a boy and that he had trisomy 22 and wouldn't have made it much further than he did. Poor little thing had such a strong heartbeat at 7 weeks and my HCG levels were tripling in the 5th week of my pregnancy so he must have had a lot of strength in him. We are relieved to hear from our ob that this condition is not from DH or I and it was just a random thing that could happen to any couple.

    We are now ready to TTC but I know both of us will be so happy when it happens but at the same time so scared for most of the pregnancy. Now that we know what it is like to have it ripped away from you.

    Anytime you want to talk I am here sweetie.

  5. #115
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    Hello ladies, well im afraid I'm going to have join you all

    first of all, i haven't been able to read through everyones story, but BIG to everyone, this is such a challenging time for all of us, no matter what the stories and situation.

    well im 25 and was pregnant with bub #3. my other 2 pregnancies were perfect, i have 2 very healthy and wonderful children. from about day 25 of this pregnancy i started getting a little bit of m/s, not much and i never threw up, bit enough for me to know i was utd. that lasted for about a week, and then things started going away. but i was definitely getting a 'bump' so i just convinced myself i was one of those lucky ones who felt fab in the first trimester.

    then i really strated to get worried, just worrying to myself coz i really really didnt feel pregnant. and for the last wk i started to feel cold all the time. then monday afternoon i started getting cramps, then felt a bit twingey and not quite right, but didnt think anything of it, thought it would be fine. they were a bit painful monday night so i had a hot water bottle. then woke up tuesday morning and noticed blood when i wiped. it all went downhill from there. i knew i was miscarrying straight away, i knew that was it. i let my husband know, he went into work and i expected to drop the kids off with him for a bit while i went to the drs. i called my mum as well and just broke down. she straight away left work and headed out to me. then it was decided i should go straight to the hospital. we got there about 11:30, and stayed there all day. they did a blood test and ultrasound. said they couldnt see a baby but there was evidence that i had recently been pregnant. my hormone level was 1170, even though i was nearly 7 wks. they admitted and i stayed overnight. the next morning (yesterday) they did a nother blood test and my hcg was 350, so i had lost it. they let me go home around lunch time.

    i was pretty emotional on tuesday whejn it was happening, but i think im okay now. my husband and my family and a couple of friends who i told have been very supportive. its quite an experience to go through. although i was only 7 wks, its till hard coz i knew for about 2wks that i was pregnant, i knew i had a baby in me, and when i saw the blood i knew i was losing it.

    i think the worst is when people say 'oh well you can have fun trying for another one now.' but hey, some people just don't get it. it was definitely one of those things where i never thought it would happen to me. but now that it has, its something i can grow from.

    sorry for the essay its just nice to jot everything down. well, thanks everyone for listening. and hopefully we can all get through this together

  6. #116
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    Hello again
    Sassy30 and Mummydreamer - I'm so sorry to hear of your losses.

    Sassy30 - I'm right there with you. I had also written what week I would be up to in my diary when I found out I was pregnant and it hurt so much to go through my diary and rub all the weeks out. I just had to, I couldn't look anymore. I did leave my 20 wk and 30 wk ones in there, I couldn't bear to get rid of them. I had to go through and cancel my future ob appt and 20 wk scan appts the other day - yuck.

    I thought I was having a good morning this morning and then a lady from my son's daycare asked me if I wasn't well and if I was having morning sickness. I just broke down, poor lady felt terrible. I'm not forgetting that I'm not pregnant as much anymore but occasionally still find myself touching my stomach wondering where it is. My breasts are big and sore as I started producing milk after I had our bub, Isolde, last week. I'm finding this hard to take.

    I'm really looking fwd to getting our test results back and getting some answers. I'm hoping for similar results, I don't think I could handle it if it came back inconclusive or that she was perfectly healthy.

    The weather here is terrible - it suits my mood. I think I need some sunshine soon. I send all my hope, prayers, baby dust and thoughts your way and to all the other women TTC. I can't wait till we can start trying again - not too far away. I'm just scared that I'll have to do all the fertility treatment stuff again but hopefully whatever magic got me pregnant this time will happen again.

    Mummydreamer - write as many essays as you want! I find it really helps. I'm also trying to keep a journal which I'm finding helpful as well.

    Take care of yourselves

  7. #117
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    Hi all,

    Just been reading through the last couple of pages and it breaks my heart to see how many new ladies have joined us.

    to all of you at this time.

    AFM - Its been just over 5 weeks since my D&C and I just wanted to share with you all how I'm getting on.

    I found the first 3 weeks after loosing Michael very emotional. A lot of crying, a lot of anger because I was in this situation and a lot of what ifs. I've found out this is all very normal and something you have to go through to help the healing process.

    The last 2 weeks have been a little better, but still have my wobbly days. I've gone back to work, for me, I've found this has helped to take my mind off things and it has stopped me from dwelling too much. But that's just what I've found has helped me.

    I've also found that pregnant ladies, babies and annoying baby adverts follow me everywhere! However, these are becoming easier and easier to copy with as the weeks pass.

    I still absentmindedly touch my tummy, only to remember Michael is no longer with me.

    Letting people know at work is still difficult, but I almostly feel sorry for them. Watching their faces fall and seeing the piety in their eyes, listening to the ‘I’m sorry’s’ etc, and knowing none of this is going to bring Michael back.

    Silly things now sadden me, my hair for one. I have very fine hair and for the first time in my life my hair had started to look thick and beautiful, hooray! Unfortunately, every time I wash my hair or brush it great big handful come out and it’s just another reminder that I’m no longer pregnant.

    I know that it’s easy to say that all of this becomes easier to deal with time. But honestly it does. The first time someone said that to me I wanted to shout and scream 'I don't care, that's not going to help me right now, and it's not going to stop my heart from hurting so much'. Just honestly give it time.

    I know that every time I look back now I can see how far I have come. I know that I will never be the same person again. I can also look back on that naive girl I was before I lost Michael with kindness, but no matter what happens now I know I can’t get back there. For now I’m just trying to look forward and look for the positives in life. Michael will always be with me in my heart and I want to thank him for being with me, even through it was only for 18 wonderfull weeks.

    Take care for now,

    xxxxx
    Last edited by Una; 11-09-2009 at 07:27.

  8. #118
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    It is so sad to read all of these threads, but at the same time, at least it makes me realise what I am feeling is "normal" and in a small way, that makes me feel better.

    It has only been a week since my D&C...we had a scan at 12 weeks only to be told our baby wasn't developing the way it should. This was our first pregnancy, and although very scared we were so excited...especially DH, he didn't think he was ready to be a Dad, but as soon as it sunk in, he was more excited than me.

    The Dr's weren't able to give us any hope of a healthy baby, and told us to make a decision to terminate now, or to "wait it out" I knew I couldn't cope with waiting...but in turn, I am now not coping that I made the decision to give in so soon. I feel like I have betrayed my angel for not giving it more of a chance.

    I am a true believer that God gives us children, we don't take them from Him. I never thought there would be the day where I gave a baby back to Him.

    I know it will all get better in time. I go back to work tomorrow, I figure no matter how I feel right now...putting off going back to work is only going to make it harder to go back in the long run. So one foot in front of the other, I'll move on....but I feel like I am just a body moving...that I am not really conscious anymore.

    To all those who have Angels, take care, look after yourselves and do what ever it is that makes you smile (even if it's just a tiny smile). I am sure our angels don't want us to be sad.

    Thanks for reading my

  9. #119
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    Default Warning tmi...Feeling emotional thought Id share my story

    Firstly to all of you who have experienced losses of one sort or another.

    I don't know where to start. Today I think Im having the most emotional day, prob cos it's the first day Ive really been alone since it all happened.

    Ill start from the beginning. On 28th August I started to get light, brown spotting. Wasn't too worried and this went on for a few more days. Then on Saturday 5th September I got my first drop of red blood. It was then I knew something wasn't right. Gut feel I guess you could call it. It got heavier as the night went on. Called hospital who suggested I go into Westmead early pregnancy clinic in the morning.

    So Sunday morning (Father's Day) we went to the clinic where the wonderful midwives took my bloods and arranged for a doc to come down and do an ultrasound. MY hcg levels were about 6600. I should have been 10 weeks along and when the Doc did the ultrasound there was tiny dot for a baby. It was then I knew for sure it wasn't alive. It was too small to have a heart beat. They said maybe I got my dates wrong but Im sure many of you like me track your dates like clock work. My dh was being positive. They suggested I come back on Tuesday for another blood test which we did and the results went down.

    I called my ob who sent me for an ultrasound on 9.9.09. This was meant to be my first ob appointment as well at 11 weeks. My ob was wonderful and the ultrasound showed the remaining baby and bits were on their way out and sure enough about 2 hours after leaving the ob had cramping like heavy period cramping. Went to the toilet and lost so much blood and a couple of large clots. In some ways I felt a distinct sense of relief from this.

    Rang my ob who was very concerned and asked me to come in for another ultrasound the next day. So on Thursday we went for the ultrasound and this found unbelievably to me that there was still a sac inside. Ob arranged for a d & C for 7pm that night as he said it's taking too long.

    Went to the hospital and when I got there I was ok but whilst waiting for them to enter paperwork started getting severe pains and cramping. I then felt nausea and began walking to the toilet to be sick when I began to pass out. Wheelchaired up to the surgery ward I was put on a bed and monitored. They were all lovely and caring. I kept feeling the need to go to the toilet and had to go to the toilet with an audience as they were worried I'd pass out. I went to the toilet and gave birth to the sac. Poor nurse fished it out of the toilet. Doc came and checked it over saying I prob won't need surgery as I seemed to have gotten rid of it. My body he said had gone into cervical shock. As soon as the sac was out of my body all my starts returned to normal.

    Unfortunately this was not the end. I continued to lose lots of blood and the Doc was called back to the hospital. I was wheeled down for surgery after passing yet another large clot. What a woman's body can hold seeks to amaze me. The wardsman was lovely and pretended I was in a rocketship. Nice way to keep your mind at ease. My last memory i that of my ob telling the wardsman he will hold my hand while I went to sleep and that is the image I am left with. My wonderfully amazing ob holding my hand as it was all about to end. He called me the following day as I left the hospital about midnight. Apparently there was one more piece about the size of my thumb. How I do not know after what I had already lost.

    So that's my story. Im glad that chapter is closed. My ob wants me to wait one full cycle before ttc again. Im not sure how I feel about that but we will cross that bridge when it comes. Thank you for reading and listening. I had to get it out. Ill never forget this experience. I have great respect for all you women out there who have lost so much more. Your all wonderful and absolutely amazing. Thank you!

  10. #120
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    Hello everyone,

    I'm so sorry to hear of your losses Rach and Nosa. Life can be so hard sometimes - I had no idea how hard.

    AFM - it has been exactly two weeks since I gave birth to my beautiful angel girl Isolde. We have her memorial ceremony today and I'm having trouble containing my emotions. It's going to be so special with myself, DH, my daughter and our mums and I have some really special things to put at her grave in the rose garden at the hospital and the hospital pasteural care lady has helped us put together a beautiful service.

    The last two weeks have been such a rollercoaster, with all of the emotions plus hormones. I think the hormones are settling and it looks like the bleeding is slowing but the emotions are another matter. I'm still very up and down but I am starting to feel a bit stronger. The almost-animal like crazy urge to be pregnant right now is getting better but I'm still wanting to try as soon as possible. Varying responses from ppl on how long to wait.

    Reminders are everywhere at the moment. I have found talking about Isolde and what happened with people has been really helpful and finding special personal ways to remember her. I'm framing her healthy 13 wk ultrasound photo and her hand and foot prints (the hospital provided this). I want her around me. Sorry, to be going on and on but today is such a difficult day and I'm finding it so very hard.

    The loss is a physical pain, an ache that keeps coming back. It makes me feel better to know, however, that my little girl is safe and happy with my family who have already passed away.

    My thoughts are with all of you at this time - I know we can get through this.


 

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