Miscarriage & loss Support chat #3

**littlebub09** · 06-07-2009 07:24

musicalmummy - I'm so sorry you find yourself in here. I can't imagine what you are going through but I just wanted to let you know that my DH was the same initially. It took him a few days to open up and let me know what he was feeling.

Fortunately/unfortunately our loss has actually bought us closer together and made us a stronger partnership.

Take care of yourselves and know that we are here if you need to

or

**bgbgbb** · 06-07-2009 18:30

I hope you have room for one more here.

I just found out today that my 9 week old fetus died on the weekend. We had a scan last Thu and although it was small for dates, we saw the heartbeat. There was no heartbeat today.

I feel like I better not cry too much or I'll never stop. I feel as though my slightly rounded tummy is a betrayal. How long will it take to go down? I also feel as though the constant nausea and increasing pregnancy symptoms were further betrayals by my body. Why couldn't it give me a hint that something was not right and stop acting pregnant.

My lovely obgyn is giving me a d&c first thing in the morning. At least I'm in good hands.

**Izy** · 06-07-2009 18:49

bgbg I told myself that all those symptoms and things were a wonderful sign that my body was working very very hard to protect my baby, and that it meant that when I have a healthier embryo it would do the right thing.

I know that not everyone who has similar experiences feel the same, and some may be upset by it, but that truly was the thought process that got me through so many dark days after we lost Andy.

**bgbgbb** · 06-07-2009 19:11

Thanks Izy, that's a nice take on it all. I like that you've called your babies names. I had a feeling this one was a girl. I loved the name Lacey and that's what I'll call her. My d&c is at 7am tomorrow and we have to leave home just after 5am to get to the hospital for 6. At least I dont have much time to dwell on it. I just hope that tonight I dont start bleeding. I think I'd rather it all happen when I'm under the general. I couldnt bear to see the baby come out.

**MamaLlama** · 06-07-2009 19:29

Did anyone here opt for induction when offered a D&C? I know for earlier m/c that probably isn't possible even. We lost our twins at 16 weeks and I was told in this bright cheery voice by the OB "great news - I found an OB who will do a D&C at 16 weeks"... and yes in his mind he was being helpful and "sparing" me...but hell the man needs to grow some feelings one of these days...

We bury the twins tomorrow, and while I regret many things, not taking enough photos, not getting to actually hold them, just the basket they were in, not smacking the OB in the face when he said "just because you wanted to bury them I didn't think you wanted to know their gender".... I don't regret the induction for an instant. I can't imagine not getting to meet my little ones. They were so perfectly formed already. So tiny. 45g each.

I can't believe someone today told me "better to have this now than having disabled kids"....

some people...

Still very raw, we only got the news on 24th, induction on 29th.

**SomewhereOverTheRainbow** · 06-07-2009 19:49

BGBG- I'm so sorry for your loss.

I've been trying to keep out of this thread a bit since I am due any day, but my heart breaks when I hear the stories I've heard the last few days and I can't help but post. I hope tomorrow goes well for you. I can also relate to the feeling that if something was wrong your body should have known. It's just not fair.

Originally Posted by MamaLlama

Did anyone here opt for induction when offered a D&C? I know for earlier m/c that probably isn't possible even. We lost our twins at 16 weeks and I was told in this bright cheery voice by the OB "great news - I found an OB who will do a D&C at 16 weeks"... and yes in his mind he was being helpful and "sparing" me...but hell the man needs to grow some feelings one of these days...

We bury the twins tomorrow, and while I regret many things, not taking enough photos, not getting to actually hold them, just the basket they were in, not smacking the OB in the face when he said "just because you wanted to bury them I didn't think you wanted to know their gender".... I don't regret the induction for an instant. I can't imagine not getting to meet my little ones. They were so perfectly formed already. So tiny. 45g each.

I can't believe someone today told me "better to have this now than having disabled kids"....

some people...

Still very raw, we only got the news on 24th, induction on 29th.

MamaLlama-

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I had noticed you weren't posting as much but had no idea this was why.

To answer your question, we were also offered a D&C if we wanted one, but before they offered it we made it very clear we didn't want one. We found out at our 18/19 week scan but because our son was only measuring 16-17 weeks i was told that 16 weeks was the maximum and offered one. I can't imagine doing it, as difficult as going through the induction and labour was I found it kind of healing at the same time- like a process to go through.... we did hold our son and take pictures and named him (well, not legally

)...but I still regret not having more time with him. Nothing is ever long enough.
We had him cremated by local funeral directors who cremate bubs under 20weeks for free. Such a big blessing at such a cr@ppy time.

I'm sorry your OB was so insensitive.

People just don't realise that these are babies, not just cells or whatever. My son was also so perfectly formed and I still remember marvelling at the soles of his feet- They already had arches and lines on them....

I hope you are taking it easy and just allowing your emotions to flow at the moment. It's such a confusing and painful time, and even a year on I sometimes feel angry without quite knowing why.

**musicalmummy** · 07-07-2009 06:10

bgbg i can understand your heartache and the body betrayal. it just sux. i'm not sleeping at night and now i'm so so tired.
no we weren't offered a choice for d&c it was definately you need to do this yourself. but the dr's and midwives were great.
i'm buying a mega huge flower pot today to bury harry in and then plant a rose on top. i'm so relieved he is home and not at the hospital.

**Eco Goddess** · 07-07-2009 06:28

musical mummy - I am so sorry for your loss...what a beautiful thing to do for little Harry (the rose and all)

bgbg - I am so sorry for your loss... it sucks when our bodies "betray" us. With my 2nd m/c I had horrendous m/s up until the D&C and I felt that was one of the worst parts... why didnt my stupid body know that my bubba had died? Again, I'm so sorry

**angel_cakesau** · 07-07-2009 08:02

well i couldnt wait til wed so i went and asked the doc for a blood test yesty he asked for it to come back urgent and just called me with the results my hcg has risen from 21 to 132 so thats thursday to monday thats well and truly more than doubled but he said thats still low i will have another test wed and i am having a scan today the doc is worried about eptopic pregnancy im really scared i wish things could just be simple

**musicalmummy** · 07-07-2009 08:08

i also hate that people class it as a miscarriage, even though you were induced to give birth. to me i gave birth to a sleeping baby, i didn't have a miscarriage.

Miscarriage & loss Support chat #3

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