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    Arrow Miscarriage & loss Support chat #3

    musicalmummy - I'm so sorry you find yourself in here. I can't imagine what you are going through but I just wanted to let you know that my DH was the same initially. It took him a few days to open up and let me know what he was feeling.

    Fortunately/unfortunately our loss has actually bought us closer together and made us a stronger partnership.

    Take care of yourselves and know that we are here if you need to or

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    bgbgbb is offline To think, I was only going to have 1 child!
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    I hope you have room for one more here.

    I just found out today that my 9 week old fetus died on the weekend. We had a scan last Thu and although it was small for dates, we saw the heartbeat. There was no heartbeat today.

    I feel like I better not cry too much or I'll never stop. I feel as though my slightly rounded tummy is a betrayal. How long will it take to go down? I also feel as though the constant nausea and increasing pregnancy symptoms were further betrayals by my body. Why couldn't it give me a hint that something was not right and stop acting pregnant.

    My lovely obgyn is giving me a d&c first thing in the morning. At least I'm in good hands.

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    bgbg I told myself that all those symptoms and things were a wonderful sign that my body was working very very hard to protect my baby, and that it meant that when I have a healthier embryo it would do the right thing.

    I know that not everyone who has similar experiences feel the same, and some may be upset by it, but that truly was the thought process that got me through so many dark days after we lost Andy.

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    bgbgbb is offline To think, I was only going to have 1 child!
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    Thanks Izy, that's a nice take on it all. I like that you've called your babies names. I had a feeling this one was a girl. I loved the name Lacey and that's what I'll call her. My d&c is at 7am tomorrow and we have to leave home just after 5am to get to the hospital for 6. At least I dont have much time to dwell on it. I just hope that tonight I dont start bleeding. I think I'd rather it all happen when I'm under the general. I couldnt bear to see the baby come out.

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    Did anyone here opt for induction when offered a D&C? I know for earlier m/c that probably isn't possible even. We lost our twins at 16 weeks and I was told in this bright cheery voice by the OB "great news - I found an OB who will do a D&C at 16 weeks"... and yes in his mind he was being helpful and "sparing" me...but hell the man needs to grow some feelings one of these days...

    We bury the twins tomorrow, and while I regret many things, not taking enough photos, not getting to actually hold them, just the basket they were in, not smacking the OB in the face when he said "just because you wanted to bury them I didn't think you wanted to know their gender".... I don't regret the induction for an instant. I can't imagine not getting to meet my little ones. They were so perfectly formed already. So tiny. 45g each.

    I can't believe someone today told me "better to have this now than having disabled kids"....

    some people...

    Still very raw, we only got the news on 24th, induction on 29th.

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    BGBG- I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been trying to keep out of this thread a bit since I am due any day, but my heart breaks when I hear the stories I've heard the last few days and I can't help but post. I hope tomorrow goes well for you. I can also relate to the feeling that if something was wrong your body should have known. It's just not fair.



    Quote Originally Posted by MamaLlama View Post
    Did anyone here opt for induction when offered a D&C? I know for earlier m/c that probably isn't possible even. We lost our twins at 16 weeks and I was told in this bright cheery voice by the OB "great news - I found an OB who will do a D&C at 16 weeks"... and yes in his mind he was being helpful and "sparing" me...but hell the man needs to grow some feelings one of these days...

    We bury the twins tomorrow, and while I regret many things, not taking enough photos, not getting to actually hold them, just the basket they were in, not smacking the OB in the face when he said "just because you wanted to bury them I didn't think you wanted to know their gender".... I don't regret the induction for an instant. I can't imagine not getting to meet my little ones. They were so perfectly formed already. So tiny. 45g each.

    I can't believe someone today told me "better to have this now than having disabled kids"....

    some people...

    Still very raw, we only got the news on 24th, induction on 29th.
    MamaLlama- I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I had noticed you weren't posting as much but had no idea this was why. To answer your question, we were also offered a D&C if we wanted one, but before they offered it we made it very clear we didn't want one. We found out at our 18/19 week scan but because our son was only measuring 16-17 weeks i was told that 16 weeks was the maximum and offered one. I can't imagine doing it, as difficult as going through the induction and labour was I found it kind of healing at the same time- like a process to go through.... we did hold our son and take pictures and named him (well, not legally )...but I still regret not having more time with him. Nothing is ever long enough.
    We had him cremated by local funeral directors who cremate bubs under 20weeks for free. Such a big blessing at such a cr@ppy time.

    I'm sorry your OB was so insensitive. People just don't realise that these are babies, not just cells or whatever. My son was also so perfectly formed and I still remember marvelling at the soles of his feet- They already had arches and lines on them....

    I hope you are taking it easy and just allowing your emotions to flow at the moment. It's such a confusing and painful time, and even a year on I sometimes feel angry without quite knowing why.

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    Hi everyone ,so sorry to here of everyones loses, I do have a question ,I had a ultra sound the other day and was told i am about 8wks but they couldnt find a heart beat so have to go back in a week for another ultra sound ,hopeing for good news ,but some how i dont know,so unlike uses i have not been through it all yet,but would like to know what to except for a m/c natural or d/c (not looking forwards to the next scan on tuesday)

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    Mewith3- I haven't experienced a natural miscarriage so can't help you with that. But I can tell you that if you need a D&C it's not quite as bad as you tend to imagine.

    I found the pessery to dialate me was the most painful part as you are under aneasthetic for the procedure, but you may not need it if you have had kids before.

    I do hope that they find the heartbeat and everything is great, but if not we are all here to support you

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    Hi Mewith3,

    I had a natural miscarriage early June. I didn't experience any pain with mine. I had brown blood spotting increasing in quantity the week before I m/c. The day before I m/c I had a couple of small clots and then late that night, I felt a huge gush (sorry TMI) and passed a huge clot along with heaps of blood. The next morning I passed another huge clot - that is when I believed I m/c.

    I was supposed to have been 8 weeks along, but my scan before I m/c said that I was around 5 weeks 6 days.

    I really hope that you aren't m/cing I will be praying that they find that heartbeat. xx

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    hi, I also had no pain with my natural m/c, and was exactly the same feelings as the previous thread.
    Did any of you recieve any phone numbes to call for support ie deprssion hotline, grief councellors? An aquatance of mine just turned up on my door step after finding out that she "probably" had had a m/c (she did not know that she was preg,) and was handed some phone numbers to call for support and was told to go and see a pschycologist. I lost my baby at 9 weeks and saw the baby (tmi sorry if that upsets anyone) and had to take the baby and other clots etc that I had passed into the hospital yet I recieved nothing, no phone numbers, had horribly nasty midwives the works. So I was just wondering what the rest of you lovelies recieved.
    The whole thing makes me sooooo mad and brings it all back all of the memories and images that I was trying so hard to forget.


 
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