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  1. #21
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    Just re-read your post.
    It took about 6 months to make the decision to go with a donor preceded with lots of research and 3 sessions of counselling ( I also went to counselling on my own DH didn't), then there was the waiting list for the donor which they said would be about 6 months (we were partic. about characteristics some people aren't) but took a little less.
    So from diagnosis to pregnancy was just over year. But having said that i was a driving force for a number of reasons- mostly because of my age just turned 35, I was worried about my fertility and wanted to avoid IVF if i could- I am NOT the kind of women you want to give hormones too!!! Poor DH!!
    And I need to feel I am DOING something- I am an action person- impatient- waiting is hard for me and makes me more fearful
    In all honesty I pushed DH along some of the time. He felt guilty and I wanted action.
    If i was younger I wouldn't have done that. Fear of my biological clock was strong.
    Last edited by Shiela; 18-11-2009 at 11:44.

  2. #22
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    Elestrial is offline recognising possibilities again. Thank you God!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shiela View Post
    DH and I are clear this is OUR baby. This is DH's son, biology doesn't make a father, actions do, sperm (called "seed" when u do fertility counselling) doesn't equate to "fathering". Being a parent means looking after the day to day care of a child.

    Thank you!!!! I am almost in tears. Thank you thank you thank you!

    Quote Originally Posted by Shiela View Post
    It took about 6 months to make the decision to go with a donor preceded with lots of research and 3 sessions of counselling ( I also went to counselling on my own DH didn't). So from diagnosis to pregnancy was just over year.
    But having said that i was a driving force for a number of reasons- And I need to feel I am DOING something- I am an action person- impatient- waiting is hard for me and makes me more fearful
    In all honesty I pushed DH along some of the time. He felt guilty and I wanted action.
    If i was younger I wouldn't have done that. Fear of my biological clock was strong.
    I am scared to push my DH, and scared to wait, so it's good to hear that you're pushing helped. I'm also glad you mentioned counselling - I haven't brought it up with DH but I really want to. I think he is avoiding dealing with the whole issue and I think counselling could help him.

    Thank you thank you thank you!

  3. #23
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    Elestrial- I am so glad you found my post helpful. I so remember the pain and ache. what I would find especially hard was all the men that were "fathers" and didn't give a sh*t about their kids or thought it was all womens work. We would go to bbqs and be surrounded by "breeders" (my joke word that helped me cope) with men drinking beer and having a grand old time where the women looked after the kids the WHOLE time. I knew my DH was gonna be a hands on involved fabulous father. it really tested my "faith" ( I am not religious as such) and I went through a lot of "why me" and "poor me" phases. I think now that it is not WHAT happens to you but HOW you deal with it.

    If your DH isn't up for counselling at this time you could still benefit a lot from it- I know I did and when I came home with different things to say my DH noticed.

    I am not sure if I mentioned too that we tried the aspiration from the testes procedure before donor- sometimes they can get sperm straight from the testes. It is a needle for your man but the recovery wasn't too bad my DH was back on the footy field a week later. We didn't find any sperm but many do. Could be worth an explore. My DH needed to exhaust all options to "find" sperm before he was ready to accept the donor route.

    Paul- not long now until the 24th I have my fingers crossed for you. If your partner is anything like me I drove myself bonkers with "signs" of pregnancy and googled myself crazy (damn google!). I really appreciate hearing from you and what it is like for you on this rollercoaster journey. Hearing a male perspective is really important to me. Thank you for sharing and I hope your journey is short

    To Shai and everyone else- I don't mean to "ignore" you as such and I wish you lots and lots of luck on this rollercoaster journey I hope it is a short one for you. I find it hard to keep up with all the posts and am not very computer savvy. Sending you all lots of positive vibes and baby dust.
    Last edited by Shiela; 19-11-2009 at 16:56.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shiela View Post
    If your DH isn't up for counselling at this time you could still benefit a lot from it- I know I did and when I came home with different things to say my DH noticed.

    I am not sure if I mentioned too that we tried the aspiration from the testes procedure before donor- sometimes they can get sperm straight from the testes. It is a needle for your man but the recovery wasn't too bad my DH was back on the footy field a week later. We didn't find any sperm but many do. Could be worth an explore. My DH needed to exhaust all options to "find" sperm before he was ready to accept the donor route.
    We have already had a TESA (the fine needle aspiration) - Ashley was back at work imediately after - and are talking about doing an open biopsy to try and find some lonely spermies. That will be quite a bit more on the invasive/uncomfortable side, so it's taking us longer to get to it (if we do it). We are weighing up whether it is worth the discomfort and risk to future sexuality for what is the slimmest remotest chance they will find spermies. We're for it in principle, as we both want for our child to be biologically ours, but realistically I don't believe they will find sperm so it would be a waste of time & resources to do it. But if we don't do that then we either acept no babies or donor babies, and DH isn't quite ready to go there yet. Which is part of the reason I asked the question of others about how their donor journey/struggles have been.

    Paul - good luck for whatever it is you're gearing up for.

    for all of us hey!

  5. #25
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    Its all coming back to me now! It was the same for us- didn't want to go to the next level with such a slim chance of it being successful and lots of risks. I think the possibility of sexual dsyfunction frightened my DH more then using donor sperm IYKWIM.
    I think if we were going to do it I would have "made" DH go on an ultra restrictive sperm boosting diet for 3 months to boost his chances.
    The whole rollercoaster takes you through so many stages.
    There is still a very unrealistic part of me that thinks a miracle will occur after this baby is born. No logic to it but we will be so in love with our son we won't even think about conceiving and BAM a miracle will occur.
    The logical research intense part of me knows that no one has ever been "cured" of azoospermia. Morphology problems, poor swimmers etc can improve but not NO sperm. I did a LOT of research!
    but there are miracles....

  6. #26
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    Default FSDW member

    As a donor through FSDW myself, I can vouch that it is an effective way to achieve a pregnancy.

    I have helped two couples so far and it is the best feeling to hear the happy news of a successful conception!



 

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