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  1. #11
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    Hi Elest

    I couldn't answer your questiong on whether I could go ahead with another person's sperm inside my wife producing a child. Right now I feel I would struggle with concept in many ways and many levels....both short and long term. We have five beautiful nieces and nephews and for me, they may have to surfice.

    I don't know where to go from here.

    Paul
    AU

  2. #12
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    Default about to go that road too

    Hi there,

    My husband & I just agreed this morning to start the road of Donor IUI. Last year with tried 2 cycles of IVF with no success.

    Hubby saw the struggle that I was going through to find away off accepting being child-less and decided that his issues were less than mind (thank goodness).

    Tomorrow I will start calling clinic's in Sydney. I am having difficulty finding who stocks donor sperm. So far I have only found Fertility First. Any other recommendations out there? Either Sydney or Brisbane.

    Ta J

  3. #13
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    If I can add my two cents, last year I donated to a couple in your situation. He told me it took him about 3 years after it was first raised for him to be comfortable with the idea and had spoken to other males who had a similar experience.
    Anyway they now have a beautiful baby girl and are over the moon. We're currently arranging for a second conception.
    I think the important thing (both as a donor or recipient) is to not be possessive. Ultimately what you are creating is an independant human being. One day they will grow up and get married and then someone who is not your child will also become a part of your family.
    The day you truly become a parent is when you realise that all children are your children.

  4. #14
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    Has anyone gone through this?
    Yes, currently in the process. We are waiting on donor profiles

    What made you decide to do this?
    My DH has a chromosome condition so our only 3 options were not to have any children, adoption or donor sperm. We ruled out not to have any children as we both want kids. We researched on adoption and know that its a long and painful process. As for donor sperm, after a lot of researching, discussing and asking questions just like the way you have on forums we've decided to go for donor sperm. Our logic was this, DH and I don't have any biological connection but we both love each other to bits so why can't the same be for the child?

    It was a very hard decision to make but now that we've made the decision and have started the journey, we haven't doubted the decision even once. It's giving us a chance at having our baby and that's what matters. Even when we talk about the process we always refer to the baby as 'our baby' and we haven't even selected the donor profiles yet.

    We only recently found out that we can't have a fully biological child and have had several miscarriages in the past and having gone through these most unexpected experiences in our lives has made us look at things from a different perspective.

    How did you cope emotionally?
    Having gone through the miscarriages and finding out about the chromosome condition as you can imagine has been emotionally very taxing and draining...there has been lots of tears and we still cry when we think about everything we've been through but we've come to learn that we are not alone in this journey. There are millions of couples out there in the world who;ve face what we are facing and we eventually just learn to deal with it. It's made us mentally stronger and brought us closer as a couple.

  5. #15
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    It is possible that we will have to use donor sperm. I want the baby to look as much like my husband as possible. Has anyone else gone through searching for donor sperm? I would like to know what information they include in the profiles. Also, where can I find a comprehensive list of sperm banks that offer donor sperm?

  6. #16
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    Hi! I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with a baby boy using donor sperm. My husband has azoospermia meaning no sperm (no known cause- just a "freak" of nature).
    this has been a long two year journey. we first tried for a known donor- his father but that didn't work- his step mum was against it and then we waited for 6 months for an anonymous donor. Looking back thank goodness we went anonymous donor it would have been too complicated with DH step mum (she's a bit strange!).
    DH is tall and it was important to us that we got a close as a genetic match as possible. You are told the eye, hair and skin colour, age range, education level, interests, reason for donating and whether they have their own children.
    We did a lot of counselling which was really important altho the 1st counsellor was terrible the 2nd was great.
    We also look on the UK website www.dcnetwork.org which is full of resources and info.
    Donor sperm raises the ultimate question nature vs nuture and we know that this will be tested a lot when people say "he looks just like your DH" etc etc. We have decided to be open with our close family and friends and our child in line with the research and with strangers we will smile and say "Thank you" or "do you think so?". This is OUR baby and he will know that he is so special it took three people and lots of medical staff to make him!! (I did IUI- opted to try that for 6 cycles and then reassess but was lucky to fall pregnant on the third cycle).
    anyway I have probably written to much but both my DH and I are really open people so are happy to answer any questions anyone has. DH included. we feel very blessed and would love to give back to people just starting this journey.
    I am pregnant now but to get here took a lot of tears, soul searching, heartache, money and the ugly anger, resentment and jealousy. Being human is hard!

  7. #17
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    PS I am in Perth and used Concept fertility centre. Waiting lists vary from clinic to clinic. all I can suggest is that fertility is a profit making business so shop around and talk to as many clinics as you need to get what you want. In this journey I moved between three clinics and then stuck with Concept when they gave me a call to tell me they had a donor for me. A donor that fit the description DH and I wanted. We can also use the same donor for our next baby. I'm 35 and hope to fit another one in!!!

  8. #18
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    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by wishing4kids View Post
    Hi,

    I will be using donor sperm as my DH has a translocation of gene 5 and 20 which has rendered him infertile. We have no choice but to use donor sperm, even if they extracted sperm from his testicles the embryo would have a high chance of having this translocation. Possibilty of keeping a pregnancy with this translocation is very very slim.

    I hate having to wait as the first clinic has a severe shortage. We have been on the waiting list since march 2009. The earliest we could be called up is march 2010 and could be waiting till september 2010.

    I am 36 yrs old in one week. I would love to have 3 children. but fate may step in. At least Im hoping for 2 children.

    We have found a second clinic that although there isn't a severe shortage, there is a shortage. So they dont do IUI only IVF. I have my first appointment with them on the 18th of september hopefully will be starting our IVF journey this year some time.

    Its frustrating that the laws regarding donor is going to change. No overseas donor sperm will be allowed and donor sperm to be only used to father 5 kids. What are the govt trying to do? Destroy our dreams of becoming parents??? Whilst give out thousands of dollars to people who can fall pregnant naturally. Im especially dirty on those who mistreat and severely dont care for the children.

    I work in health we have one child who is suicidal at the moment. And has been since age 5 because this is what the child experienced through the so called parents. The parents shouted at each other I want to kill you, I want to kill myself and now the cycle is being repeated in this child. This child is punching staff and threatening to kill you or themselves. And now you tell me that this child should have been brought into such an environment.

    It makes me mad I have to wait to start a family and others who dont want kids have them so easily.

    Wishing4Kids.
    Your post sounds very angry at those who "fall pregnant naturally" and it could be taken as offensive that u resent the government giving money to some of these people. I don't see what the case from your work of the suicidal child has to do with donor sperm. Plenty of people object to the funding of any IVF processes at all when there are thousands of orphaned children in the world but i doubt you'd like them attacking you.

    Plenty of people who make babies via artificial/scientific methods are not the most ideal parents in the world either, nor do they necessarily want or love them more than the average couple who conceive naturally. It's just how the cookie crumbles that determines our fortune in that department.

    From what i believe the purpose of limiting the number of children that can be produced by donor sperm is related to concerns about the possibility of future inbreeding due to the sharp rise in IVF technology being utilised by parents at the moment.

  9. #19
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    Elestrial is offline recognising possibilities again. Thank you God!
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    I just wanted to thank you all for your stories. I am finding the donor sperm situation quite lonely - there seem to be lots of women needing IVF for multiple reasons but nobody talks about the sperm issues.

    Sheila, I am so excited and inspired by your pregnancy. May I ask how did you and your DH come to the decison to go with donor sperm? How long did that take? What were the stumbling blocks?

    jconga, what a wonderful man your DH is to put you ahead of his own struggles. I'm sure that must have been a hard decision for him, yet now you are on the way to finding your baby. I'm sorry I don't know any donor sperm clinics, I'm not that far along this path yet.

    imnotold, I am absolutley inspired by your confidence in this journey.
    "It was a very hard decision to make but now that we've made the decision and have started the journey, we haven't doubted the decision even once. It's giving us a chance at having our baby and that's what matters. Even when we talk about the process we always refer to the baby as 'our baby' and we haven't even selected the donor profiles yet."
    Bravo!!

    MelbourneDan, of course you can add your 2 cents. I like your comments so much you can have a dollar of credit to talk anytime. The way this family is dealing with it sounds absolutely beautiful - you are right every child is their own person no matter what kind of parents it has. And thank you also for the time frame.


    I should probably mention that the reason I am asking so many questions of people is because my husband was recently diagnosed with azoospermia (unkown cause, but there are NO swimmers to do their job). So we need to either go with donor sper, adoption or no baby. While I struggle with never having a child, my DH is finding it quite difficult to imagine raising a child that is not his (like Paul). I wanted to see how other people have gone in this process, they're struggles/joys. But also how long it has taken to get from diagnosis to action. We were diagnosed over 6 months ago but I don't feel like we are moving through this process, and it helps to know it takes quite a while for the men folk to get there (thanks again Mark for your 3 year estimate.)
    Again, thnk youall for sharing.

  10. #20
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    Hi Elestrial
    wish I was smarter at posting and could use your post to reply to! oh well!
    my DH also has azoospermia- what a shock it was!! he is a fit fabulous MAN, very sporty and masculine although he has a sensitive side he is a real boys boy! He can talk sport (all sport, any sport) for hours!
    Having said that he is also a social worker and i work in child protection so we are privy to foster care and adoption processes. We know (and forgive me if I am out of date) that adoption can take on average 7 years, cost about $20K and most children are adopted from Asia- China and the Phillipines, there are very few local adoptions (Australian born kids). We knew that a child from O/s was not for us.
    There was also the option of foster care- which was our contingency plan (when your DH has the fertility "issue" we assume we are ok- surely we can't be that unlucky!!. Fostering can be really rewarding but I wanted to carry a child. That was important to me.
    All this thinking and soul searching happened before we were married and I had to ask myself could I leave my DH (fiance at the time) would I choose biological children over him. I have always wanted children am one of those people that is a "natural" with kids and babies (ask me again with my own!!!) and I have to say it surprised me to search my heart and know that I would not leave a man I loved (a sure thing) for a possibility (again at this stage we only knew of his fertility issues wot if I too had problems?)
    Sorry- I have the tendency to ramble!!
    Counselling really helped, find a counsellor that specialises in fertility- the clinics can recommend one as they are registered, research really helped and use your eyes- look around at the many families, all shapes, and sizes, blended families that work, children that are nothing like their parents, siblings that are soooo different from each other. Its a lottery at the best of times.
    Language is important and DH and I are clear this is OUR baby. This is DH's son, biology doesn't make a father, actions do, sperm (called "seed" when u do fertility counselling) doesn't equate to "fathering". Being a parent means looking after the day to day care of a child.
    As the counselling teaches you- you feel like you are at peace with things and then something will trigger you- so at different stages in this process DH and I expect feelings to come up our hope is that it doesn't happen for each of us at the same time and we can take turns being the "strong" one or the "reasonable" one which means the other can "freak" out as necessary! lol
    anyway with my tendency to ramble I hope that something I have said has been helpful.
    This is a journey and there is grief with a diagnosis of azoospermia, at times the grief is stronger and at others i feel totally at peace with the baby in my belly. But I think most mothers have varying types of anxiety about the child they are carrying and most father wonder too...
    Anyway I think that is enough rambling. I am home form work with a horrid cold- hence having the time to ramble!!!
    Please know that everything I have said is my opinion only mixed with DH's voice in my head!!!
    Last edited by Shiela; 18-11-2009 at 11:28.


 

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