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  1. #11
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    I left the decision up to him - I want him on the certificate and he refused to sign because he wouldn't get his own way with bubs surname but now because i am trying to claim CS he is making things difficult.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by sweetperfectchild View Post
    The thing is; their BC is an important artifact in a child's life. It's part of their heritage and identity. And it's a legal record of who their parents are. By not putting him on the BC you're pretending your baby doesn't have a father, but that's not the truth, especially if you've known him for years. I think it's important to think really hard about how your child will feel about their father, not just how you want them to feel. People will tell you that they don't miss what they've never had, but that's trite nonsense. Their father is 50% of their heritage, identity and genetics. How they came to exit is important. You child is likely to want to know as much as possible about their father, and his absence will make them sad. By having him on the BC and paying CS your child will know that their father acknowledges their existence, and in some cases that's as good as it gets. But it's something. In depriving your child of that you may be depriving them of the only evidence they have of their father.
    I just wanted to respond to this. My parents had an bit of an on and off again relationship. I was a planned baby, but after I was born there were more issues between them. As a result my dads name was not on my birth certificate. My dad never paid any child support, and I never had a relationship with him when I was younger.
    HOWEVER, my mother never made derogatory comments about my father, and when I wanted to try and meet him in my late teens she supported my decision. In terms of the birth certificate, it never even bothered me, as I never had to use it until DH and I decided to get married. So to some people, not having the fathers name on the certificate might be an issue, but to me it never was until I got a lot older.

    (FWIW- I actually had my dads name added to my certificate a few years ago (I would have been in my early 20's). I wanted this done so it was part of my 'paperwork' history, but before then, it hadn't been an issue. I guess this could always be an option in the future?)

  3. #13
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    It's been great hearing so many perspectives on this topic, thanks heaps all of you

    I have been doing a lot of thinking and I will put FOB's name on the certificate (or sign a stat dec to say he won't sign). At least this way I can never be accused of doing anything wrong legally or trying to influence bub in any way about his/her dad.

    If FOB later decides he wants access, well that is his right but if he does it's only right that he contribute to bubs upbringing. Until then I won't be claiming child support but that's through my own not wanting to aggravate the situation not becuase I think he shouldn't have to.


 

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