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  1. #1
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    Default How much does your partner/husband help with bub? BIG WHINGE !!! Sorry

    I am just interested to find out, how much other peoples partners/husbands help with the bubs.

    My partner helps A LITTLE, but I feel he could do a lot more. I seem to nag him all the time, and am wondering if I am being unrealistic or selfish ...

    Just to give you an ideas: Our bub is 4.5 months old and my husband has changed 5 nappies in total, never bathed baby, fed baby maybe 3 or 4 times (my bub has been on the bottle since about 6 weeks), and has only washed and sterilsed and prepared bottles 3 times. He thinks holding bub while I am preparing bubs bath, cooking (hubby cooks often too) or ironing is helping a LOT. He also seems to think, that holding baby for 10 minutes and playing music for him in front of the computer is good enough.

    I know I shouldn't compare, but a friend of mine's husband, can't wait to get home and play with their bub, and he baths him and does the bedtime stories. Am I expecting too much ?????

    Sorry, this was a big whinge, I am just very frustrated today.

    Thank you for listening, I already feel better


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    I forgot to add, that my bub is a very calm and happy bub, and hardly ever cries etc and sleeps well. I love looking after him and am NOT complaining about my son. I was talking about my son bonding with his dad etc.

    Tx

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    Oh hon, I don't really have any advice for you, but big to you, you sound like you need it today. I have to agree, it doesn't sound like your DH does a whole lot, have you tried talking to him about it? Maybe try to frame it in the way that you're worried that the baby wont be bonding with him as well, rather than a nag that he's not doing anything?
    Sorry I can't be more helpful, best of luck to you and your DS and DH.

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    My son is 13mths, my partner has never changed a #2 nappy, i can count ony hand the number of #1 nappies he has changed, he didnt bath bub till he was about 8-9mths old. He has prepared maybe 10-15 bottles since bub started FF at 8mths. He plays with him for about two hours a day. He has made maybe 2 dinners for him. But he cooks all my meals which im grateful for. I have given up asking him to do things becuse the reaction is "Hmmm, Okay, ill do it", which after a while it makes it easier to do it myself. But in saying all this as bub is getting older he has been doing a lot more with him. Im sure it will get better for you, hang in there, when my bub was 4.5mths old DF barely picked him up, he was too scared to hurt him.

  5. #5
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    JackzMumma is offline My family is finally complete!!!
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    My DH helps quite a bit, sorry!!
    There are times that I want to slap him on the back of the head like Gibbs does to DiNozzo. And they are when he's on the computer usually!! Shock horror!!!

    Anyway, he puts the boys to bed (bottles, pj's, teeth), he does the whole 'Superman!!!' thing. I can't even pick up DS1!!!! He changes nappies when he's home. Gets them dressed. Even cooks dinner. But his only real faults are he's inconsistant, and some days has a very short temper.

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    You know, it may be that once your bub is a bit older and interacting more, your husband may show more interest. That's not really fair, but a lot of men find that they are more keen to help out and interact with their baby when the baby is capable of interacting back. How much other stuff does your hubby do? Does he work full time and are you a full time stay at home Mum? Not that this should make a difference - when you have a baby BOTH of you are parents, not just the mother - but it can be hard for guys when they work all day, every day, and then want to just chill out when they get home.

    Again, Mums don't really get to chill out so that's no excuse, but it can be how the Dad sees things!

    My DP has done probably more than his 50% from day one, without being asked, looking after her AND housework. Well, he's always done more housework than me but that's because I've always been the `breadwinner', so to speak. In fact I feel guilty because he generally does more than I do - although a lot of that was because I was so weak after her birth and had PND along with a thousand thousand breastfeeding problems. It's more even now, but he still does 50% at least, without me asking.

    It can depend as well on how they're raised. My DP was raised by his Mum and two older sisters from the age of 12, the only `man' of the house and expected to do his share. He is very responsible house-wise because of this. Men who are raised in more `traditional' households can feel dfferently about their role.

    I would try perhaps sitting down and explaining to him that raising your son isn't your `job' - you are BOTH his parents. Ask him what he feels his role should be, and what he feels your role should be. Ask him what he thinks is a fair sharing ratio, and what jobs he would like to do regularly - i.e. he could bath bub every night while you cook dinner, for example? This is something I think you need to discuss together and work out a plan, rather than him bucking and you nagging. 4.5 months is an age where your bub will begin to be a bit more mobile and interactive, so now would be a good time to get the ball rolling in the direction you want it to go.

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    First of all ... you are not alone, my DH is only home one week in three and still doesnt do alot to help - one thing I did find worked was giving him one main job ie he does the bathing - which often results in DH, DS1 and DS2 all in the bath together but it gives me time to make dinner or something and I dont have to worry about it while he is home ... it also gives him some bonding time with the boys in an fun environment.

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    I was actually a little shocked at how little your DH does. I think that he should definately be doing more. Saying that I am pretty lucky with my hubby as he has no qualms at doing anything to do with babies. He is a real hands on dad.

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    Could you go out for a couple of hours a week so your husband HAS to spend time and look after your son? Grant helps with the girls, not as often as I'd like and alot of the time I have to tell him but he is getting better. One of the reasons I decided to bottle feed the girls (and will be doing the same with my son) is so that he can have some time with the them too. Maybe is just isn't sure about what to do, perhaps he isn't confident. Can you talk to him about this?

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    That's a really good point - a lot of men lack confidence but won't say anything. Especially if you are the kind of Mum who corrects them over little things such as putting the baby in the `wrong' outfit or re-doing something your DH has just done. I was sure I'd be like that, as I'm a bit of a control freak and like to have everything done the way I want it done

    I decided that if DP put her in a red dotted top and purple striped pants with green socks that was ok because at least he'd got her dressed! I ask him a lot of times before I do something I've already made up my mind to do (lol) like, `what do you think of that?' or `how do you think we should do this?'. Even if I don't agree, I try to listen to him and make sure that he feels validated and heard as a father. It's really been a good idea, as before we had DD he'd only ever held one other baby and that was my niece!


 

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