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  1. #101
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    Default Rch

    We were there from the 20th July to 8th August. And then went to Ballarat hospital for a few days. I have read Zac's story, he looks beautiful in the photo - you are very brave. I think we may have expressed in ICU together.
    Much of the time before Angus made it to 7west, the first time, is a blurr. The staff in ICU were fantastic, but like you I could not visit again now without reliving the whole event, and we had a happy outcome.
    I'm sure the last few weeks have been hard for you and your family, I've been dwelling on our time at RCH. You made it through the first year.

  2. #102
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    hi

    yes we made it through the first yr but for some reason the last few days have been really bad.

    i was just telling DH that u were in the ICU with us and he remembered u. i think i met you in the expressing room, i have some memories of the people we met there. yes the stuff in the ICU are fantastic. i was thinking today that i would love to go back to melb but i don't want to at the same time its really weird, i want to tell the icu stuff how grateful i am that they gave us 12 days with our boy.

    how is your son? how long was he in rch for?

    look forward to chatting with u some more

  3. #103
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    Hi,
    Sorry the last few days have been bad. Don't be too hard on yourself, its the anniversary of a very sad and stressful time over which you had no control. As I said Dh and I have been rehashing last year a lot lately ...maybe you never really "finish" dealing with it.
    We were in RCH for about 2 weeks and then we had to go to Ballarat Hospital for another 4 days to teach Angus how to feed. When we got home we had a fortnight of daily midwife and maternal welfare visits and weigh ins.
    Angus is just beautiful, he is very love spoilt. I virtually have to rugby tackle my 12 and 9 year olds to get to hold him!!! He is doing everything he should..so far so good. This swine flu has been a bit of a worry, though. I've avoided taking him to baby gym and swimming to try to keep him safe. Makes life a bit dull for him but I'm not prepared to put him at risk.
    Its funny he is a very laid back little boy...I call him my Zen baby. I guess he's lived the worst and pretty much everything else life throws at him is easy.
    How is your new baby(congrats by the way) and how is Thomas enjoying being a big brother? I bet you're a bit sleep deprived on top of everything else.
    Be Kind To Yourself- chat soon

  4. #104
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    Hi all Welcome to the new mums too! I've been away from the thread for a while and there are so many new faces.

    Sam - sorry I missed sending you a message on Zac's anniversary. I think this is the hardest milestone to get through and it brings back all the saddest memories which you probably thought you'd been dealing with. Like you, I have also been thinking of writing a belated letter to the ward staff who looked after Caelan when he passed away. I feel like it would be a bit of therapy for us as parents and it would probably mean a lot to the staff there as they do form bonds with the children they look after too.

    Ky - I hope everything has settled for you now and that there were no complications. Your precious bub is being cared for by loving angel siblings xx

    Jen - PJ is due any day now, is that right? Praying that all goes well for you and PJ on the day. She'll be in good hands.

    V - How's Raymond? Still kicking or did the rag down finish him off?

    P - How was Alex's birthday? Hoping she was well after her hospital stay and enjoyed the big day! Miss 3 year old!!

    Lee - must get that recipe for the slow cooker dinner. I tried to post on FB but it kept kicking me out! (Your recipe is not THAT private is it? )

    All is good here so far. Had my first appt at Joondalup after getting the OK from King Eddie to transfer. Bub seems to be growing well and his heart rate was good. They said I could have an ultrasound in the third trimester to check on bubs as a peace of mind if I wanted so looking forward to that. Will just be like an anatomy scan rather than an echo as I trust Dr D'Orsogna - he's rarely wrong and in this case he predicted all good news! Erin keeps asking when we're going to pick "boy" up and will baby Caelan be coming too. Have been dealing with explaining reasonably well. I think "Boy's" arrival will be good for her as she misses Caelan a lot. Did you find Thomas felt a bit better when Lily arrived Sam?

    Hi to everyone else. Hope no news is good news!

  5. #105
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    mummy fix it- thats great news he is doing really well. do u have any other ops in the future? we are enjoying her and being able to hold her and watch her grow. but it is really hard because she is starting to look alot like zac (which is weird because he never got to be any older then 12 days) especially when she is asleep i wont let her sleep i have to poke her to make sure she is still breathing.
    i think the lack of sleep over the last week has made it the last few days worse. until last week lily was sleepign really well at night.

    teenyt- i think i want to write a letter but i wouldn't know what to say, i was thinking about taking a day in feb next yr to go down there to visit some people i might pop into the icu for a hello and a thank you. i would really like to thank the bad news dr and tell him i don't have any hard feelings towards him.
    Thomas did change when lily was born, i think he picked up that we were stressed and worried about lily in the last few weeks. once she was born he seemed happier. he wanted to hold, kiss and cuddle her all the time( he still does) but he is to young for the questions about zac yet, i'm not really looking forward to them. but i think once we relaxed (not something i could do until after her 6 weeks check) he did now we are dealign with the jealously).

    i have started feeling resentful towards Lily (nothing serious) that she is alive and Zac isn't that she is healthy and Zac wasn't that Zac had to die so we could have her. i am sure i will get over it, i think maybe because of his anniversary i have ben reliving everything.

    well i must go lily just woke up an has wet her pants again.

  6. #106
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    Sam - I felt a bit funny about this bub too when I found out we were having another boy. Like this bub would get to do all the things Caelan never got to and that he might make us forget Caelan in some way. I think its all part of the grieving process. I have moved on from those feelings a little with some help from counselling. They told me that maybe this baby would have happened even if Caelan had not died and that he is a very special gift to help heal the hurt in a small way and when I started looking at it like that, I felt less "resentful" (that's not really how we feel but cant think of another description either!). Regardless of that, the anniversaries are always going to bring up raw emotions and distort your way of thinking a little while you grieve all over again. You've made it through the hardest year so hopefully the more you work through it, such as going to see the RCH staff, the easier it will be to think of Zac and Lily and for it not to hurt so much

  7. #107
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    Hey Trish, there is no recipe, lol. I just put the potatoes in the bottom, chucked in some pumpkin and carrots then put the meat on the top. Cooked in on low for about 7 hrs. Potatoes weren't crispy or anything but I thought it worked out ok and the meat was the best. It was actually falling apart when I cut it up it, was so tender. Only just got a slow cooker, wish I got one ages ago. So good when you're out all day and can come home to a meal that's cooked itself.

  8. #108
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    Hi all,
    Just realised I've not introduced myself...just jumped in and started talking, what else is new???
    DH and I live in Victoria, near Ballarat in a tiny 1 pub and a General Store country town. My 2 children from another life when I was another wife live with us week about and Dh and I have Angus, our Zen heart kid. Angus' TGA was undiagnosed although being 42 I had lots of scans and tests to make sure bub was fine inutero...I guess they missed seeing that his heart had developed "backwards". So, long story short, he was born in a little country hospital, apgars of next to nothing, beautiful purple colour and NETS transported him to Melbourne. Three weeks of surreal hell later we brought him home. Shell shocked, terrified but soooo relieved.
    I can fully understand all of you who constantly check on bubs when they are asleep....the first night Angus slept through I nearly had my own heart problem when I woke up and realised I hadn't been "called" all night. Talk about panic
    I think your feelings of "resentment" are probably very normal. Could it be guilt? (You know we mums feel guilt about everything!!) Guilt that you "appear" to have replaced your heart angels? Guilt that you are bonding and "falling in love" with another baby?
    I too believe the spirits of your heart angels will be looking over your new bubs and wanting you to enjoy them.
    Sam- No more surgery at this time. If his scar tissue and attachment points don't grow at the same rate as he does then he will need more surgery, but that is some way off in the future....well thats what I tell myself. If you do get down to Melbourne let me know and we can meet up.
    anyway goodnight, my bed is calling

  9. #109
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    Sounds delicious Lee. Am going to give it a go tomorrow night. Did you just cover it with water or as is? Sorry, my slow cookings abilities are exactly that.....slow.

    Oh V - poor Raymond. At least he was all shiny and smelling nice when he went to the big Moke factory in the sky.

    Hi Mummyfixit That must have been so frightening with Angus' delivery. It was bad enough with Caelan's delivery when we knew full well he had a heart problem. Very glad to hear Angus's initial heart surgery was a success and he is doing well.

    As you have said, guilt does play a small part in how I feel. But its more than that. As part of the grieving process, you tend to put the lost child up on a pedestal a little and nobody is to tamper with their memory for fear of forgetting them. So you feel a little guilt that a new baby is coming into the mix and might make you forget in some way. And in a vicious circle, guilt for the new baby that you feel this way. Resentment isnt the right word as its more fear mixed with guilt, sadness, regret (for the lost child, not regret at having the new baby) and trying to love both children equally. Very difficult to explain really!

  10. #110
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    Mummyfixit. I notice you have an Ethan, my heartkid is an Ethan also.

    Trish no water just as is. That is only the 2nd thing I've made in the slow cooker. I got a recipe book from the bookshop just for slow cookers, all simple recipes. We have another dinner cooking in it atm. Hubby put it on this morning before we went to footy, it was so nice to come home and smell it cooking. It's another roast with potatoes and baby carrots and you put in a can of mushroom soup. I'll let you know how it works out.


 

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