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  1. #1
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    Default Would you pull your child out of Kindy over this?

    I think I might be overacting here, please tell me if you think I am. Would like to hear your thoughts.

    So DD (23 months) goes to Kindy 2 days a week, she has been for about 3 months. She seems to be really enjoying it, she can't wait to get there, and talks about Kindy all the time at home.

    One thing is bothering me though.

    Often when we're playing together at home, and perhaps I move a toy or pick up one she was playing with, or generally just something she didn't want me to do, she puts her hand into a stop sign, shoves it into my face, grabs onto my wrist and yells "STOP IT MUMMY! YOU STOP THAT NOW! SHARING!" And I can't even emphasise how angrily she says this, but she sounds like a little devil child.

    Now, DH and I certainly don't speak to each other this way, and neither do any people we know, so I can only assume this is how she is spoken to at Kindy.

    When I ask her who says "STOP IT!" She tells me "Sharon tells Hamish STOP IT, that's Lily's one! Sharing!." (Sharon is one of the carers)

    I explain to her that we don't talk to people this way. We don't yell at people and we don't grab people. If someone is doing something you don't like, you say " Please stop that" I was playing with that toy".

    SO we can safely assume Sharron, speaks to the children this way.

    I thought a child care worker's main job was to role model correct behavior and to demonstrate how to resolve conflict in a way that is socially acceptable. This does not involve grabbing at someones wrist, and yelling in someone's face when they have taken your toy!

    I know there are plently of worse things they could be doing to the children, but as we all know 2year old children take in absolutely everything. They copy everything you do. They are so easily influenced. I just think it shows a complete lack of care, for this woman to speak to the children that way.

    I have been contemplating saying something to the director, but I don't want to be one of those mother's who whinges about everything.

    Can you tell me if I making a big deal over nothing here??

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    I'd talk it over with the Director...

    How does "Sharon" seem when you drop off and pick up your DD? Our instincts are wonderful things so do you get any bad feelings from her?

    I'd have a chat about it first though, you never know? Maybe it's one of the other kids doing it?

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    James is taught at CC to put his hand in the stop position and say "stop" if someone is doing something to him he doesn't like. It's a way they can assert themselves (eg communicate to another child who is trying to take the toy they have or the chair they are on etc). It's not said aggressively though and they are definitely not taught to grab anyone but that may be just the toddler trying to express themselves 'better' iykwim.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Roopee View Post
    I'd talk it over with the Director...

    How does "Sharon" seem when you drop off and pick up your DD? Our instincts are wonderful things so do you get any bad feelings from her?

    I'd have a chat about it first though, you never know? Maybe it's one of the other kids doing it?
    You're right, it could be one of the other kids doing it (and in that cse, it doesn't make it so bad) but that fact that she mentions Sharon's name.

    Sharon seems to me, like the sort of person who hates her job. Like she's been doing it for too long, she's over it, she doesn't care, she's nice to your face, but as soon as you walk out, she's yelling at the kids (not that I've ever seent that, but, that's the impression I get. )

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    I worked in childcare and this was something I had a major issue with when it came to the more 'mature' staff (sorry to generalise). They tended to use more force with the kids and yelled and some of us found we were constantly trying to 'undo' this behaviour with the kids... Its a tough one, becuase for some people this is totally acceptable and the carer may have no idea... I would have a chat with the director definitely, I wouldnt pull your child out though....The thing with kids is they love to imitate behaviours, especially with each other, and they like to be 'little adults'. Sometimes adults need to be reminded of this because it is easy to forget sometimes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lilyloo View Post
    You're right, it could be one of the other kids doing it (and in that cse, it doesn't make it so bad) but that fact that she mentions Sharon's name.

    Sharon seems to me, like the sort of person who hates her job. Like she's been doing it for too long, she's over it, she doesn't care, she's nice to your face, but as soon as you walk out, she's yelling at the kids (not that I've ever seent that, but, that's the impression I get. )
    You just described some of my old co-workers to a tee....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Becs999 View Post
    James is taught at CC to put his hand in the stop position and say "stop" if someone is doing something to him he doesn't like. It's a way they can assert themselves (eg communicate to another child who is trying to take the toy they have or the chair they are on etc). It's not said aggressively though and they are definitely not taught to grab anyone but that may be just the toddler trying to express themselves 'better' iykwim.
    I had guessed as much, that the hand up was a way of making someone stop something. But yes, it's the aggressivness that bothers me, but you could be right, it may just be her trying to express herself better (I hope it's this, and not that the carers are doing it to the children)

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    Quote Originally Posted by em1984 View Post
    I worked in childcare and this was something I had a major issue with when it came to the more 'mature' staff (sorry to generalise). They tended to use more force with the kids and yelled and some of us found we were constantly trying to 'undo' this behaviour with the kids... Its a tough one, becuase for some people this is totally acceptable and the carer may have no idea... I would have a chat with the director definitely, I wouldnt pull your child out though....The thing with kids is they love to imitate behaviours, especially with each other, and they like to be 'little adults'. Sometimes adults need to be reminded of this because it is easy to forget sometimes.
    That's what I'm finding, that I'm having to 'undo' ths bad bahaviour.

    It's confusing though, when it's not consistent, you know. I'm telling her to behave one way, and it's different at kindy!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lilyloo View Post
    I had guessed as much, that the hand up was a way of making someone stop something. But yes, it's the aggressivness that bothers me, but you could be right, it may just be her trying to express herself better (I hope it's this, and not that the carers are doing it to the children)
    James has said it to us quite aggressively and a few times has even tried to hit us. He's never been smacked and I highly doubt that any of his carers smack (knowing the policies of the place I think a carer would be out of there pretty quick if they smacked a child) so it's obviously come from another child and/or just a 'natural' behaviour. If he's being a bit aggressive with us we do the "stop" hand up thing too. They we say "gentle hands" which is also what they are taught at CC.

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    Hmmmm, tough one IMO. As Roopee said how do YOU feel about sharon. You can generally get a vibe from the carers...I know there is one at DD/DS's daycare that I am not that happy with, but know they spend most their time with others, so it's not a major issue. It is so easy for them at that age to pick stuff up from other kids, to get names mixed up etc etc. Maybe there was a one-off incident where sharon was raising her voice because it was dangerous and she's picked up on it??

    I dunno - i'd be watching very closely and carefully before I made a decision. Is it possible to pick her up early some days? Just a 'surprise' visit so they are not expecting you? The rooms at our centre have glass windows in the doors, and sometimes when i see DS doing something cute, i'll watch him for a minute before i go in......sometimes the carers don't even know I am there until I open the door.

    DD(4) was playing 'pretend' in her room one day and she was crying/shrieking to stop, no, don't do that. She told me that her friends and teachers at daycare were all pulling her clothes off and ripping them . I was horrified, until I remembered the day before....she got cinderella and watched it....the scene where the step sisters rip the dress off was all she was doing. It's easy for kids to turn things about in their heads....but at the same time, you don't want that influence on her if the carer IS acting like that.


 

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