Good on u for getting help what a hard step that is i'm sure u will now start feeling much better about this pregnancy BTW u sound like a fantastic mum not a horrible one. Its normal to feel that way we all feel differently about different things/situations.
Being pregnant when u dont want to be is so hard with dd i felt sad and stressed I wanted my next pregnancy to be planned and perfect but it wasnt I was scared I wouldnt love her like my love for ds and thought Id miss things with ds when she was born it passed straight away luckly dont know where Id b without her now 9months on.
With ds I had PND not badly but nothing during pregnancy was so excited happy maby too much so im not that bubbly type person but with ds I was so I think after I had him I had a let down so to speak and was very down about being a good mum and stressed alot wanting to do the right thing b the best mum I felt alot of inner pressure iykwim.