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  1. #1
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    Thumbs down This situation would not sit right with me...

    A close friend of mine recently confided in me that her partner of 4 years (living together one of those years) had told her he doesn't want to live with her anymore but still wants to be with her.... WTH?

    He is a VERY controlling person.

    Even though they house hunted together for the house, and she put money towards renovations, he has always made it clear to her that it's HIS house as he worked so hard for it.

    I understand that he worked hard for the deposit etc, but to house hunt with your gf of 4 years whom you apparantly want to build a life with and love dearly, but turn around and say it's his house and she must always remember that...it's just wrong in my eyes.

    When they first moved in, he made it clear he wants her to do all the housework, cooking dinner, washing...everything that involves effort around the home.

    Yes he works full time but so does she. She's a hairdresser and works long days as well as weekends, but he still expected her to "look after him".

    She made it clear to him that she won't be doing everything for him, that she expects things to be equal, but he kept throwing at her that it's his house and this is how he wants it.

    So this last year they have constantly had arguments, she's put on weight (which he resents her for) and now here they are, 4 years of being together but now living separately.

    My friend thinks they can work it out, but how can I gently tell her she deserves better and shouldn't work it out.

    They aren't right for each other, everyone sees it.

    He doesn't treat her with respect and doesn't love her the way he should.

    Surely i am not the only one who sees this situation as wrong?

  2. #2
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    I feel really sorry for her.

    He is obviously a jerk... and she doesn't seem to have noticed.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by NibbleCurlynBun View Post
    I feel really sorry for her.

    He is obviously a jerk... and she doesn't seem to have noticed.


    I told her that she deserves better.

    If he loved her so much and wanted a future with her, a proper one, why on earth would he tell her he doesn't want to live with her?

    It's going backwards in my eyes.

    I wish she could see that, she's so beautiful inside and out.

  4. #4
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    Ergh tell her to get rid of him!

    He has no respect for her, only cares about himself. He may as well hire a slave!

  5. #5
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    I probably wouldn't tell her gently, he's spent so much time beating it into her head everything he wants, she may not get the gentle approach.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LilShenanigans View Post
    I probably wouldn't tell her gently, he's spent so much time beating it into her head everything he wants, she may not get the gentle approach.
    i would just tell her straight out, it may be what she needs to hear to realise she doesnt deserve what he is doing to her and putting her through

  7. #7
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    From my experience of friends getting out of crappy relationships i think the only way to really help her see is to make sure she sees how happy she can be without him.
    Ideas could be....
    help her to get her own place exactly how SHE likes it,
    encourage her to buy something SHE likes that he would never have gone for,
    take her out for a night out with all her friends or even a weekend away if possible.

    You can talk till your blue in the face but until she SEES how much better off she is it will be in vain!

    Hope that helps

  8. #8
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    Oh, I agree!!

    Show her what freedom and control over her own life she can have and what she can do with it.. She will probably catch on after a bit of encouragement and then seeing as he has asked her to leave, she will be safely in her own place when she realises what a jerk he is.

  9. #9
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    It sucks to be the person on the outside who can see what a destructive relationship it is. I just recently cut ties with my mother over this type of thing (this was the final straw). No matter how blue in the face I (or anyone else) went trying to tell her she desrves better, shes worth more, ect nothing worked.

    It's extreame but maybe letting go for some time might help. Hopefully your friend will realise that she is SO much better and deserves much much more.

  10. #10
    MamaKoala is offline Happy Mummy of 2 Big Boys and a Baby Girl
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    Hopefully she will see for herself that she is happier without him and this could be the beginning of the end of her relationship with him.
    It's certainly a good start.
    Be there for her when she needs it but don't be surprised if it takes a while for her to discover the strength to move on.


 

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