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  1. #1
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    Default My situation but not going to give into depression!

    Hi Everybody,

    I'm new to the depression forum, so hello!

    But this is definitely a place I want to spend some time connecting with others to help us all heal each other.

    Last Thursday I had a baby! Yay! Her name is Chloe Charlotte, but with the situation I am in right now...well, it just was not supposed to be like this.

    My fiance is stuck in the UK...the result of a messy divorce and a vindictive complaint that was made against him (not serious at all, no basis in reality because he did nothing wrong, and totally vindictive). The motive: to stop him from being with me and our child...our first child together!

    Result: he missed out on the last 14 weeks and the birth of our child. And now I am doing things on my own...at least until 24 February at the earliest, when we hope he can get his passport back so he can return to Australia and we can finally be a family.

    The situation is really complex. His ex wife and this other woman conspired against him, because the ex wife was dumped (he met me after they separated though, and I was separated too) and this other woman who is pushing 60 wanted a relationship with him, but he did not. They were friends. They met just once. She gave him a few hundred pounds to help him pay some expenses. No strings attached...or so he thought. It all went pear shaped when he said no to a relationship. His marriage busted up, he met me and then the ex wife and her decided to make life hell for us.

    And this woman is crazy! She has a history of very serious mental health disorders and is obsessive in a very unhealthy way. She's currently pursuing a complaint against another poor guy as well and is avoiding the police and not cooperating with the investigations.

    To further complicate matters, he has been bailed to stay at his ex wife's house! He can stay elsewhere, but no real options have become available and he is reluctant to stay with his half brother, wife and family - although they have invited him and they love me to death and know that we'll be on MSN 24/7 at their place! You see, he doesn't know his brother well, because his mum abandoned him at five, then had his sister and brother to another man...then abandoned the other brother. So he hasn't seen his brother since he was 13 years old. He said he would really like to get to know them better before he commits to staying a long time. But we might be able to sway him. I think we might. Definitely when he's on his way back to London (he's in the north east of England in Tyne and Wear, right up near Scotland). He would stay with them a few nights before boarding his flight back to Sydney to us.

    But yeah. To further complicate issues, he has chronic depression. To the point where he will just shut down and retreat to his cave. He'll do that for days though, without really thinking about me or the baby. For instance, I haven't spoken to him now since Sunday night...and at times, it has been tough dealing with Chloe when she has been really irritible and crying. I get thoughts like, "Why the hell doesn't he turn his phone on?" and "Doesn't he give a #### about us?". But I know he does. He has returned to me twice. He came out to Australia twice last year for two three month stays.

    And when he comes out again, we'll get him out on a 12 month visa, and commence immigration proceedings. We're really, really looking forward to becoming a family. That is all we want.

    When Chloe was born, we did a video call on our mobile phone and he just sobbed and adores her. Her eyes light up when she sees him and hears his voice. She knows he is her daddy. And it's so touching. He said he is so proud of me, and that I'm doing a fantastic job...and that he melts when he thinks of us as a family. He just continually says, "We're a family! We're a family...and I love that!"

    The only thing I struggle with is the result of his depression. The sporadic contact. It's for two reasons: 1. because he is stuck under his ex's roof and 2. because of his depression - he gets so low he just completely shuts down and blocks everybody and everything out. Then he will come to and I will hear from him.

    It's hard for me, because I get sad. Particularly late afternoon/evenings when I'm dealing with Chloe. It's that time of day when I'm likely to hear from him, and with every day that passes, my heart breaks if I don't hear from him.

    I am living under the same roof as my ex husband - I know that sounds weird - but we live independently. We are very good friends, and my ex gets on great with my fiance. But he is angry that my fiance isn't upping the contact.

    We all know he's coming back, but this is just one of those difficult things to deal with.

    I've decided to have a clinic nurse come around to talk. I just need to talk about it.

    I have no family either. That was because I cut them out due to years of physicial and emotional abuse from my father. So yeah...no family!

    But I am coping! Sometimes I have my melt downs where I think, "####! I just can't take this anymore! It feels like my life is over!" because I get these fears of my fiance abandoning me. Although he hasn't and this is just his cave time.

    It's just those post pregnancy hormones.

    But I am going to be okay. I'd love to build my own support network here in Sydney. I am in the Hills District and would LOVE to have some people around. We can all get together. I'm stuck without a car at the moment, but we do have a lovely park across the road that is brilliant for chilling out in.

    I'm also looking for a Mum! I really need somebody in my life who can be my mum.

    Does that sound corny??!!!
    Last edited by Ange79; 19-02-2009 at 14:18.

  2. #2
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    Default Hey!

    Hey There,

    I have been in touch with friend of mine in the UK who is a legal eagle. I needed to understand what was happening.

    I explained the case to her and it's all legit. This is the way the system works over there. He was considered a flight risk because he had been with me for so much of last year here in Australia. And of course, because I was having a baby. He definitely was a flight risk.

    Bail runs out 24 February. It's like pending an investigation. They investigate the complaint, and then come 24 February, he reports and they decide to drop or charge. And if there's a charge, there's court.

    So! When I chatted to my magistrate friend, she said given the details, it is highly unlikely there will be any charge, and that the case is likely to be thrown out and dropped totally.

    Fingers and toes crossed! He has done absolutely nothing wrong. Merely a case of sour grapes. Nothing more. Nothing less.

    And I trust him with my life.
    Last edited by Ange79; 19-02-2009 at 17:58.

  3. #3
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    Hi Ange,

    I wanted to say congratulations! I read your other posts about going overdue/maybe having an induction and hoped that your bub arrived safe and sound. Chloe is a lovely name.

    I hope that your DF can leave on the 24th to come back to Australia, obviously that will remove a great deal of stress thats going on in your life at the moment. Please let us know of any updates on that situation.

    Its great to hear you have good support from your Ex and that you aren't living and struggling with a newborn alone. I hope Chloe settles well into the big bad world!

  4. #4
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    Hi Ange,

    Have been waiting for an update to see how your birth went - congratulations on your little girl, that's wonderful news for you!

    I, like others have been following your other thread as well and as I said there, only you can truly know what is in your heart. I'm glad that you are seeking advice and it sounds like a horrible situation over there. Having had a friend go through the system in the UK due to being charged with harrassment by a woman with a mental disease then I can understand how hard it can be. The truth always comes to light eventually.

    Wonderful to hear that your ex is still being supportive of you as well, how lovely that you and Chloe have some support right now.

    As for wanting a mum... that's not corny at all, I think there are a lot of people like that, everyone needs some guidance. Maybe it's worth seeking out, take Chloe to see some people at a nursing home - it will give their day some joy and give you something else to focus on.

    Congrats once again & I hope you find it useful to chat in this section - everyone needs support. *hugs*

  5. #5
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    Hey,

    I followed this and your other thread and wondered how everything panned out?

    Hope you and baby are well.

  6. #6
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    Default He was a PLAYER!

    Hi Guys!

    Just letting you all know this guy was a player who never left his wife at all.

    Found out in early May and sent an email to his wife telling all. She was appreciative and we both had no hard feelings towards each other, because he played us both.

    She took him back - he has cheated on her and been physically abusive to her and her kids apparently all their married life (16 years).

    But we have ended all contact with each other, because they decided to stay together. I dumped him via text message the night I sent his wife the email telling all, and I never heard anything from him again. This is the way I want it to be, because he's not the kind of guy you want in your life.

    Things are great with myself and my daughter. Working my company and doing well. And have been dating too and waiting for Mr Right to come to me. Have met a few players, but you get that. Water off a duck's back.

  7. #7
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    Lastcenturymum is offline I'm on a break from modding (it wont last forever ... I'll be BACK!!)
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    Ange, thanks for the update, and glad things are going well for you. That is SO encouraging. Appreciate hearing as I remember your original post. Guess you know what to look out for now. Hope the right one comes along soon and you just know as soon as he does.


 

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