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  1. #1
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    Default Hypothetical - WWYD

    You're a single mum of 2. You've been with a guy now for nearly a year. Your family don't like him, your oldest doesn't like him or his son and even his own father will tell you of his violent past.

    Just recently he went away on a planned holiday and at the last minute you find out that his ex will be in the same place at the same time and she's been actively pursuing him of late. You try not to let this bother you.

    When he returns he expects you to borrow a car (yours has broken down) and drive an hour to the train station to pick him up. There is no offer of paying for petrol and no thanks what so ever in fact he barely talks. He insists on going back to his father's to stay that night.

    Next day you ring him to see if he wants to go out to lunch to which he grunts and says no. You drop round to see him and he says hi and thats it. You call him later that night to see if he's coming round to stay and he hangs up.

    You ring your sister in tears. Convo turns to how much money he contribute and you realise that for the last year you've been luck if he's paid for one meal a week and you've paid for the majority of his grog and smokes. On top of this despite stay at your play at least 5 nights a week he doesn't contribute towards rent. When its suggested you ask him to stay paying his way you say that you can't do that because he'll leave you. Then when you're advised that if he's going to do that now because he's in a bad mood he'll do that at any stage and maybe you need to think if its worth it then. You agree.

    The next day he sweet talks you.

    This is where I'm asking what would you do. Would you allow him to sweet talk you and just continue to walk all over you or would you wake up and tell him where to go. BTW the person involved here also has to run this bloke to and from work and basically has to jump when he says so. She has to watch his kid (who he only sees on the weekend) the majority of the weekend so he can go out with his mates. He goes to the pub most nights and drinks and plays the pokies with the money he earns then goes back to her place expecting a feed and a bed for free. It seems like a relationship of convenience for him.

  2. #2
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    i would say he would be gone but as they say, love is blind.
    she may think she needs him

  3. #3
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    Nowhere is offline Winner 2007- Most Supportive Of Feeding Other-Than-Breast Award
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    HUGS, sounds like you know in your head waht you should do, Sometimes no mater how much you want something it doesnt always work, You cant love him enough for the both of you it has to work both way

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    If someone were asking you the same thing.. what would you tell them...

    You know the answer in your heart as Mikenzees mum said.

  5. #5
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    I wish I could say it was me Amy because if it were I wouldn't have allowed myself to get into this sort of situation. One guy tried that with me and it didn't work. He was out the door 2 weeks later lol. I ain't no bodies door mat. I know I can't make someone see sense but I was hoping there was a glimpse of it when he come back and she rang me in tears.
    Last edited by Chunkydunks; 03-02-2009 at 00:00.

  6. #6
    Nowhere's Avatar
    Nowhere is offline Winner 2007- Most Supportive Of Feeding Other-Than-Breast Award
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    Quote Originally Posted by chunkydunks View Post
    I wish I could say it was me Amy because if it were I wouldn't have allowed myself to get into this sort of situation. One guy tried that with me and it didn't work. He was out the door 2 weeks later lol. I ain't no bodies door mat.

    Sory hun i know its not you I cant imagine you as a doormat, I was saying what I would say to friend in that situation

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    Well, I'd like to say that I would kick him out, but I don't think anyone can ever know how they would handle something like that unless they're actually in it. Both women and men stay in abusive relationships, and people on the outside can rarely understand why they just don't leave.

    I'm not in an abusive relationship (of this I'm sure ), however many people question my reasoning for staying. I have my reasons and they are not harmful to me, my DH or any children.

    Unfortunately it sounds like you are in a position where you are wanting to pull that person out of a situation, but unfortunately it rarely goes that way. I have learnt that you are always better to be there to listen, to offer advice and know to back away if you say too much. People in situations like that need to know that they have someone they can turn too who will not judge them, just offer them hugs, a warm bed and a nice coffee in the morning.

    I hope that whoever is in that situation, and whoever it is that is helping them finds the path is lit up soon and they can find their way. *hugs*

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    I would say that maybe the woman's family has a very valid point. And could probably see from very early on that he is a freeloader.

    This isn't a situation I would tolerate and it would grate on me very fast. If you loved someone you wouldn't take advantage of them.

  9. #9
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    I have been in a similer relationship for a very short time, because I just wouldn't put up with it.

    No I wouldn't let someone like that sweet talk me, however what I can tell you is that I was with him for even a short time because I had low self esteem at the time.

    I only left because I realised my child was far to precious, and I had great examples around me of how real men treat women.

  10. #10
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    Mischief is offline Love. Dream. Laugh. The shadows simply mean the sun is shining!
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    If it were me, I'd be GONE! Or rather, he would.

    But there are so many women out there (even here) who feel for whatever reason they CANT leave. Be it that they love their man and feel as though they cant go away from him, or because they are too scared, or any number of other reasons.

    For me, the fact that my children didn't like him, that would be the clincher. I would never stay with someone if my children weren't happy either. They would have to come first.


 

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