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  1. #1
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    Default Desperate to hear from anyone who has given birth without a support person.

    Although I still dont know if I will need a CS Im thinking positive and trying to get a bit of a birth plan soughted out for if I get a VB.

    Due to circumstances DH may not be able to be at the birth and at first I automaticly thought, "OK so who else is there?"

    But today a friend and I were discussing our previous births and while I was explaining to her that I was so 'in the zone' in labour last time I really didnt care or pay any attention to who else was there. It hit me 'maybe I should do it alone' (midwives and drs though- love my medical care )

    I feel a bit selfish even considering it as I do have people who would happy be there but I think back to my last labour and I had 2 people there with me and (not in a bad way) but they were no real help - there was nothing for them to do but sit there and watch. I guess they're there more for moral support but I found if anything being constantly asked 'are you ok/need anything?' was a bit distracting.

    So Im wondering anyone who has given birth alone (by choice or otherwise) do you wish you hadnt been alone? Was it a positive experience?

    I may be slightly deluded about the whole idea (im sure reality is different) but I can only imagine the sense of pride doing it alone. And I think I will have an easier time not having to worry about the people around me. Am I mad??

    (this is just my thinking out loud, I havent discussed it with OB/middie yet- dont even know if its allowed)

  2. #2
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    It isnt necessary to have a birth partner there is woman who dont have the choice of support whatsoever so dnt think it isnt allowed

    How come DH cant be there, maybe discuss that with the middies and if u did feel u need a support person maybe they can arrange a student middie to be that person for you, or you can get a doula/student doula.

    Cant say I know anyone that has done it alone and I know what your saying about the :in the zone: i was the same with DD1 but i slipped in and out of that zone and would have freaked if i was alone.

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    I don't know about doing it on your own, and if you don't want anyone there then I can't see that being an issue - perhaps though you could arrange to have someone who "could" be there and will be able to help you out afterwards, running back to your house if you need something, helping you with anything that you might want help with prior to your DH getting back. I think it's always a good idea to have someone who can drop and run to you if need be. Good luck with it

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    Nomadic - good idea. IF I do choose to go it alone I will make sure I have someone on standby so they can come in right after or if I need them.

  5. #5
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    IMO the less spectators to a birth, the better. And this includes family and friends. No matter how well I might know or like someone I think a certain amount of performance anxiety kicks in and makes it a little harder to get in the zone, especially if those well-meaning people feel the need to keep tabs on how you're doing.

    This time I will still have people there, but my midwife is under orders to keep in the background and only step in if need be, DP will be doing whatever errands will keep him busy until I need him (or possibly working since he works from home) and I'll be mainly relying on my doula for practical support with positions/focus etc.
    Last edited by NonnyMouse; 22-01-2009 at 23:50. Reason: spelling

  6. #6
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    I have had a bub alone! Not by choice as such but because bub come to quick for anyone to get there in time.

    I was in hospi due to be induced in the morning, but woke having the instinctive feeling of needing to push, I called the nurse and yelled at her to ring my mum as the baby is coming, she kinda said 'no you dont' (not those exact words) and i said 'ring my mum bub is coming' she then had a little look and said 'yes baby is on its way' lol then told me to sit in a wheelchair to got to delivery sweet.....ummmm i walked! could not sit due to the pushing feeling. In between all this somehow someone called my mum and hubby who got there about 10 minutes after i had given birth! In all honesty i did not even notice that no one was there! until after bub was born, she wasn't breathing and i was in a mad panic and really wanted my mum! Finally when mum turned up, bubby took her first breath on her own!

    Long story but if you are happy to go it alone, i think you will be OK but as PP said have someone on standby as you never know if you might decide you need a bit of extra support or encouragement.

    BTW- the nurses where of great support to me and very reassuring, much more than my mum or hubby could be anyway. They calmed me down and talked me through the whole quick labour thing! If you let them know that you are going it alone, i think they will step up and be the support that you do need anyway.

  7. #7
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    I had my 1st without a support person... and to be honest I don't think it made any difference

    Some people need to be emotionally supported and I understand that, although some don't, and having a support person there because it's the done thing isn't necessarily always for the best.

    I agree that a "performance anxiety" mentality absolutely existed with me, I was soooo much more comfortable and relaxed being there on my own

    Now that I am about to have baby no.3, I am still undecided if I will be taking DH in with me.. he wants to be there for moral support, but is really more about me than him, so I will have to decide if I want him there or not!

    Poor hubby! Only want to help

  8. #8
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    Oh and I don't believe the term "support person" actually existed until the mid 1980's because ladies just went in alone, had their babies and went home

    No one seemed to really need a support person until then..... I wonder why that is

    Sorry I went a bit off track!


 

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