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  1. #1
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    Default PND Dad?? Bonding one day - distant the next!

    Wondering if anyone else out there has had issues with there husbands/partners bonding with their newborn daughter?

    Hubby couldnt wipe the grin off his face nor could anyone pry her from his arms the day she was born however once our newborn daughter came home from hospital at 2 weeks (we were in Special care nursery) he just hasnt been the same with her since.

    He wont hold or comfort her, if i ask if he would mind giving her a bottle of EBM while i express he holds here like she now has some disease (prior to coming home he held her so naturally and lovingly that he showed me up! ) If she cries he just absolutely cant stand it, he gets really angry and has even gone to the point of trying to hold her mouth closed to make her stop - needless to say - i yelled at him and told him not to do that EVER again.

    Im just at a loss as to what has changed....and how i can get him back on track with his loving cuddles, babytalk, and general happiness to have a beautiful baby girl.

  2. #2
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    First of all hugs for you cause i know this is probably making you feel really upset too. Lots of dad's have trouble bonding with their newborns (my X was one of them). There is support out there for dad's too, have a chat with your CHN and they can give you some info on what help is available.
    Also keep saying/mentioning to him how much bubs needs her daddy ~ he might be feeling a bit left out cause he can see how attached a bub is to its mum. he needs to form his own attachment and bond.
    Perhaps bath time could be his thing (appeals to a lot of dad's) this could be their alone time each day or maybe a walk each afternoon/evening to give you a break could also become their special time.

    I hope some of the above helps a bit.

  3. #3
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    MagsMum07 is offline 28yr old married mum with one son
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    Mmmm does sound a bit like PND to me and YES men do frequently suffer from it I suffered PND mildly after having my son and my husband also had depression which he's battled on and off for years now... it is such a huge change in your life having a new baby and it sounds like your husband is trying to adjust to this new way of life.

    I know he may not be keen (tho, my husband was.. so yours could be too) but seeing a psychologist reallly does help! You and him can go to your GP and tell them about the depression/mood swings and ask them to write up a "mental health plan" you then take that to a phsychologist and it will enable you to claim about half of the fee back from Medicare..(my psyc charged $140 i got $80 back from Medicare, but then once our family had gone over the safety net for the year it only cost me $20 to see the pyschologist!!!)

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    I know that place... my Dh was the same, because I needed minor surgery right after the birth he got first cuddles, and there never was a prouder dad. but since she came home (19 months and abit ago) it's been warm one minute, a-hole the next. this behaviour predates bub, and is something I've been at him for years to get some help dealing with. all I can suggest is keep trying to put him back on track. If he'll talk to mensline, Lifeline, or a men's group, great, they might steer him toward something like counselling in a way that means he can't blame you if he finds it unpleasant or confronting because you won't have been the one suggesting it, they will have. or it might be mensline or such is enough to sort him out.

    There's a fella called Graham Cowan who does email support for partners/carers and sufferers of any kind of depression, you can join up by going to his website, and I can Pm you the link if you like.

    I do find constantly getting new parenting books from the library and leaving them lying around helps a little for short periods as he'll feel inspired to either read a tiny bit or to just simply try harder for a day or three.

    in terms of physical treatment etc, and reacting to crying there is no pussy-footing around for that, I got stuff from family services and insisted he read it. sure it meant he just ignored her a lot more but at least he stopped getting angry AT or WITH her quite so much, better for her that way.

    not sure if any of that's helpful, here's more of these because you need to look after your emotional wellbeing above all for your DDs sake
    zooy


 

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