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  1. #1
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    Default What's in a name?

    My partner and I are not married, do not live together and are 10w pregnant. Am I such a bad person because I want to give the baby my surname? My P tells me I am selfish and deniging our child their birth right (his surname). However he has made no commitment to me and the baby. All he says is everything will work out ok. He has made no indication that he even wants to move in with me.

    My argument is that if I am the sole parent (which at the moment I feel like) and I'll be the one enrolling our child at school, taking them to sport etc, why should the child (and I'll be honest, myself) have the burden of explaining why we have different names and fielding all the associated questions. His answer to this was "but we will be married by the time the baby goes to school." this has since become "we might get married one day".

    My question is am I wrong to want the same surname as my child? or should I give the child my P's surname regardless of the status of our relationship?

  2. #2
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    Default Use your own

    There is no way in the world you are wrong for wanting to give your name to your child. If you were both living together or married I would say differently.

    But like you said you are the one at the school, doctors etc. I wish my kids had the same surname. It always raises questions. Maybe say to your P, when we get married we can all have the same name then, it is no drama to change it. He might need to be reminded that there is a bit more to being a father than a surname.

    Good Luck

  3. #3
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    i agree with sopoli

    Give the child your name & change it when you change yours... if & when that happens...

    You will be already needing to change yours so while youre at it, you can do bubs...
    I think its a pride thing that will make him feel that you are being selfish...but its up to both of you... so good luck with it !!

    Colleen

  4. #4
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    Hi,

    I can't really give you the benefit of experience here, as I have never been in this situation- however I can definately see your point...

    My idea and opinion is (if you are likely to remain with this partner) would be to consider a double barrelled surname with your surname first- followed by his.
    It could prevent all the questions and not rock the boat either. I think unless he makes a definate commitment I personally wouldn't give baby his surname. But that's only my opinion.

    Good luck
    Nicki

  5. #5
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    Default Do what your think best for you

    As far as I know there's no law or regulations in stopping you to have your surname instead of your partner surname. Howabout combined his surname and yours?

    Not much of help arent I?

    But good luck!

  6. #6
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    I personally think you have every right to give that child your surname. If your partner is so uncommital and you will be on your own raising the child, then I think that your name would be important.

    Nick47: I think unless he makes a definate commitment I personally wouldn't give baby his surname.
    I agree here too.

    Also though, if your partner does not commit and you keep your surname, how does that work for child support? Does anyone know? I think that you can still cite him as the father and keep your surname. Perhaps double check that, but really, I think that you are well within your rights for your child to have your name. I know a few kids from single parents that have their mother's maiden name if they were not married. If your partner does seem more commital and marriage in his plans as well, then a hyphenated surname could be a happy compromise.


    All the best!

  7. #7
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    I think if he's not willing to commit to providing for this child at least then it should be up to you whether the child gets his surname or not. If he thinks he's being selfish over the surname then he's got a bigger thing to think about. Children are more than just the name.

  8. #8
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    Hi,
    I am married and never changed my name to my husbands I have two children to my ex (they have his name) and I had just had a baby to a man who is not part of that childs life therfor I gave him my last name (which I had changed back to my maiden name while pregnant so I didn't give the baby my ex husbands name). Then I married the man I am with now and we have two children. I didn't want my third child to go through life with a different name to his mother and father. Also I had 3 children in 3 years and so now they will all have the same name at school. My husband is on the birth cetifacates as father but he accepts that we don't have his last name. i hope that makes sence.

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    I'd go ahead and give bub my surname, and make sure he's listed as the father on all the documents. But it's your choice and the hyphenated surname could be a good option.

    Quote Originally Posted by Milly
    ... if your partner does not commit and you keep your surname, how does that work for child support? Does anyone know? I think that you can still cite him as the father and keep your surname.
    I've never changed my surname, and I've been married 11 years. It's not legally required. Our dd has her dad's name, but for child support issues it really shouldn't matter what the surname is so long as the dad is registered as the father. So long as he's listed on the birth certificate etc - I can't remember if the dad has to sign that or not before it's submitted.

  10. #10
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    You do need proof of paternity for child support, it can be him singning the birth cert, or a stat dec or if he is not willing, eventually he is expected to take a paternity test. You cannot put bub in partners name unless he signs the document as well. But once he has signed it is up to you whos name the baby goes in not his. Good luck.


 

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