Relationship with your partner changes once you have a child?

[Sabby]

Hi All,

Just wondering what everyone thinks about this? Especially those who already have kids...

When I speak to some old school friends and they tell me that being romantic and sweet with one another dies once you have kids? Is this true????

I know that your focus on one another will change because there's another one to put your attention on. And there may be tension due to baby stress etc....

I've been with my husband for 13 1/2 yrs, married for 2 yrs. We are very cuddle, kissy and I believe we are very sweet to one another and hope to continue this way.. I guess it will just be some more work on our relationship once bub is born...

What do you guys think?

[nemosmum]

Hey Sabby,

Yes I think having children changes the dynamics of husband/wife r'ships

In my personal experience I found that my dh expected more of me when I stopped work and had our son (we used to be 50/50 with housework and all that stuff) but as soon as we had our son he expected me to turn into suzie homemaker LOL He was in for a rude shock

In the begining (like straight after bubs was born) I found we were more affectionate too each other coz we were both so filled with joy and love for our new family etc

But the strain of sleepless nights and new responsibilties can get to you and your r'ship can suffer. Believe me I know as we are currently going through counselling to keep our r'ship on track.

I think having children is hard but it doesnt have to mean the end of date nights and romance

[BJelly]

Hi,

I found that when our daughter was a little baby I wasn't that interested in sex etc - maybe because breastfeeding decreased my libido and I was all cuddled out and physically tired alot of the time - we still would kiss and hold hands and be friendly tho.

But now our daughter is one, I'm feeling much more cuddly and things are pretty much where they used to be apart from the fact that we are now a threesome rather than a couple - so we can't be totally couply, but when our DD goes to sleep at 730 - 8pm, the rest of the night is ours (or at least until 11ish when she tends to wake up and go back to sleep )

So, yes your relationship does change, but it isn't the end of the world. And if you both truly love and adore each other, you can keep the flame alive even with kids.

[poshBecks]

HI
Yes the dynamic of the relationship changes, its true. But for us... possitively. I feel we have matured more in our relationship, & our respect for each other is way deeper than before!! I love being married to Dan!!

Its all about how you choose to treat each other..... its a choice!!

[Kirstlea]

Yes the dynamics defintely change.

My husband and I used to do everything together including housework, cooking, mowing lawns, socialising the lot.

Once dd came along he also expected more from me and still does when it comes to household duties. In saying that he is an exceptional dad so it kind of makes up for it.

One of our major faults is that we do forget about each other as a couple so try really hard to get a night out together alone atleast once a month. Even just for coffee on the esplanade. We love to talk and dream about our future but don't do it as much as dd is nearly always demanding our attention in some way. By the time she goes to bed around 8pm we are exhausted and have run out of steam

The emotional roller coaster ride is a massive growing experience for both of us but we wouldn't change it for the world. At the end of the day it is only a short time of our lives as a couple that is disrupted, before we will know it she'll have left home and be doing her own thing and we'll wish we had her back with us.

Having children is the best thing we ever did. #2 is on its way and we know its going to be hard work for a little while but the rewards so out weigh the work.

We still have the romantic and sweet just not as often

[Sabby]

Oh Becky Hope my relationship with my hubby becomes same as yours..

I might sit him down later on the pregnancy and tell him straight out not to expect me to clean and do everything around the house once the bub is born and I'm on maternity leave.

His actually pretty good around the house now. We do the 50/50 and at times he does more especially around this time with my m/s. His not fussy with cleaning the house.. its more me..

I hope things become positive change for us when bub comes...

[zenifa]

Similar to you Sabby, DH & I had been together for nearly 12 years (married for 4.5yrs) when my DD was born. We also were concerned about how becoming parents would change us as a couple.
The dynamics do change, in many ways - being at home, not bringing in the same income (although I did have maternity leave and now work part time), socially you feel more isolated (especially if most of your friends don't have kids, like us) and expectations definately change. We used to be able to go out, spend money and do anything we wanted, so now we are more restricted, due to baby and reduced income.
Prior to having my DD, we used to split chores 50/50, but now there is more expected of me because I'm at home more. My DH however, does understand how time consuming it is looking after a baby and that I can't get all of it done!!
I think having an awareness and talking about it can help. My DH & I also were lucky to get both sets of grandparents to agree to babysit one night per month each, so we could have two nights/month, where he and I can spend 'couple time' together - we go to dinner, see bands, movies, or just spend time alone together, which we find essential!!

Having a baby, does bring you closer together, you can be constantly amazed that you both created this beautiful creature together and the love you have for this baby can't be described. It has brought us closer together and our sex live has decreased a little due to sleep deprivation and exhaustion, but we do make the effort to keep our relationship strong, and loving (as parenthood involves a big adjustment for you both!!)
Good luck Sabby with your pregnancy and your relationship!!

[misskittyfantastico]

My Dh and I are closer than ever (we've been together 9 yrs, married for 3). There has definately been a change in what we need from each other but we talk about it constantly and don't expect the other person to be a mind reader.

[Tam-I-Am]

Hi,

Like a lot of the othes said, I think the dynamics of the relationship definately change, but this doesn't have to be for the worse. We have a good days and our bad days, but I think that that's exactly how it was before we had DD too - we still fight, we're still in love, we still make love, we still do all the things that we used to do - just in a slightly different way.

As for the house work issue, we still do a 50/50 split, even though I'm only working 2 days a week and was a SAHM until 1 month ago. The reason being that I sat DH down well before bubs was born and broke it down for him - that just because I was home all day instead of being paid, it didn't actually mean that I was doing less than him, and, in fact, meant that I was likely doing more according to studies. I also told him that whereas his paid job is 9-5, mine job is full time, 24/7, 365 days a year, with no breaks, no sick leave, no holidays - and that while he was there, I expected him to participate 50/50. So there is no walking in the door for him and sitting on his butt cause "he's had a hard day" - as some of the other girls on this forum have said their DPs do -cause I've had a hard day too. And he knew this from the start, and has always been fine with it.

I think its about how you decide to treat each other, like Becca Rae said, and about how you negotiate your lives together - DH and my arrangement wouldn't work for some, but it works for us. Find out what works for you, and go with it, even if other people think thats wrong.

[rynosmum]

Our relationship was always good but has improved dramatically since having our son. Very simple changes in that we spend so much more time together now, as a family. We laugh, we play, we share housework, we don't nag each other and we're more focused about our common goals.

It has definitely been a plus for us.