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  1. #1
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    Default A few questions for all the mums and dads out there....

    Hey everyone!

    I am a 22year old girl in a very stable relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years who is 28, we are planning on getting married in 2009 and talk about having children in the next year or so all the time. I just wanted to ask you a few questions about yourselves which would be so helpful to us, we are just trying to gather as many opinions and stories from different people as possible. So my questions are:

    If you were absolutely guaranteed to get the same children would you have done anything differently in your life??...eg.. waited until you were older to start a family, got established in your career first, got married, travelled etc.

    How old were you when you fell pregnant? was it planned or a surprise? why did you choose to have children when you did?

    And lastly, what things would you advise someone to have experienced or done before they decide to have children? e.g travel, own a home, be financially stable etc....

    Thankyou so much everyone

    Ally

  2. #2
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    Sorry no advice for you from me. But I will definitely be watching this thread as my DP (30) and I (22) are considering the same questions! Our current plan is to start trying in 2 years time when we are earning a little more money, but we are definately looking at the pros and cons and timeframes, etc!

    Good luck in your decision!

  3. #3
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    If you were absolutely guaranteed to get the same children then yes i would but in having said that i do no that if i didnt have kids i wouldnt be with the man i am with now (long story im not getting into rofl) I was nearly 17 when we had our first. Its ture u can get preg the first time u have sex if the condom breaks lol. We now have 3 children only the first wasnt planed the other 2 were. We have been together for over 17yrs now. Our first wil be turning 16 in a couple of weeks. Cus i had my first child so young i now get to finsh young. I am only 32. (33 in may) I have the job i want to have now. We have the car, house 3 kids and pets lol We r not married but dont need the peice of paper to be commited. I think your the only one who nos when its best to have a baby. I so would have waiting until i was older and had done more things but i dont regert having my kids at all.

  4. #4
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    I really would not have changed anything we were engaed and married in 5 years after we met then had our first child at 28 ( 3 years after we were married).
    I am well established in my career, if I wasn't I think money would be a struggle so I am glad I we are good financially.
    Iwish I wuld ahve travelled more but the time will come when I can slow down and travel the world with hubby we always talk about travelling and one day ( maybe 10 years ) we might be able to start taking little trips.

  5. #5
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    If you were absolutely guaranteed to get the same children would you have done anything differently in your life??

    Nope. I am VERY pleased that i had my kids when i did, I don't have the same worries as many of my friends do, as to what they are going to do with work, now that they are almost 30 and just starting to think about kids. I will look at that once my kids are at school.

    How old were you when you fell pregnant? was it planned or a surprise? why did you choose to have children when you did?
    I fell pregnant at 24. (gave birth 1 month before being 25) It was planned, i tried for 14m to get pregnant (PCOS). I wanted my children early, before i was used to living off 2 wages, I wanted the energy to keep up with them, and i had no interest in travel etc yet... and would prefer to leave that to do later on in life, either with or without my kids.

    And lastly, what things would you advise someone to have experienced or done before they decide to have children? e.g travel, own a home, be financially stable etc....
    I think having some financial stability is important. As it costs a lot to raise children. However it depends what you see as being financially stable. For us, it was being able to pay our mortgage on a house in a good area (but not necessarily have it all paid off asap or anything) and being able to provide clothing and food etc for them. Also it is important to realise that having children can really change your relationship with your Partner, so stability there is important too.

  6. #6
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    Hey Ally its a tough one isnt it! Im sure you already know the answer as you will feel a strong desire for it. For some the need to have babies just cant be put off, so have them young and travel etc later. I had my first baby at 23, I honestly cant believe I waited that long as id wanted kids for such a long time, just couldnt find mr right. Id done alot of travel, partied pretty hard out since 16, and in my opinion had alot of life experience.

    My only wish (or regret) was that I had no savings in the bank. Id always taken care of myself and to rely on someone else for support, emotional and finacial, was quite hard in the start. We are set now with another DD2 and bought a house last year. If you want it you can do it.

    Your life doesnt stop once you have kids. But it does slow down for a while on the social side. Plus you will find thta you grow apart from friends with now kids. It just happens as you realise life changes.

    In answer to one of your questions, yes I think it is a very good idea to get out there and travel a bit before you have kids. In one aspect you wont always be thinking gee wish id travelled, and you grow so much as a person, esp if you work and live in a totally different culture. (I lived in Japan for a year, im from New Zealand, have travelled to Hong Kong and Fijii). Even to experience poverty first hand makes you appreciate what you have and what you want out of life.

    Geez, I do go on dont I , betta get back to work, hope some elso can clarify a bit more clearly for you

  7. #7
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    If you were absolutely guaranteed to get the same children would you have done anything differently in your life??
    Yep. I would have made sure we had no debts and our own house first. We are living with my parents whilst saving for our house and paying off our debts.


    How old were you when you fell pregnant? was it planned or a surprise? why did you choose to have children when you did?
    I fell pregnant at 20 and gave birth 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. It was very much planned.

    And lastly, what things would you advise someone to have experienced or done before they decide to have children? e.g travel, own a home, be financially stable etc....
    Not sure how to answer this as its different for everyone. I would have liked to have owned our own home and not had any debts before having a child but I also wanted to be a young mum so we sacrificed and had a child first. It depends on whats important to you at the moment. If you would rather travel with just you and your DP then do that before kids, if you want to be married before kids then do that first. Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong. Just do what makes you happy.

  8. #8
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    If you were absolutely guaranteed to get the same children would you have done anything differently in your life??...eg.. waited until you were older to start a family, got established in your career first, got married, travelled etc.
    No I dont think so Having my daughter changed me for the better and I have never travelled and have no desire too.

    How old were you when you fell pregnant? was it planned or a surprise? why did you choose to have children when you did?
    I was 18 bub was unplanned so was the 1 I ampreg with but I wouldnt change that my kids are a blessing


    And lastly, what things would you advise someone to have experienced or done before they decide to have children? e.g travel, own a home, be financially stable etc....

    I would have liked to own a home but finances dont mean anything to me as long as food and clothes are provided for the kids thats all they need

  9. #9
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    If you were absolutely guaranteed to get the same children would you have done anything differently in your life??

    ummm...... i think i would have gone out more and focused on my career more. although it was having a baby that really gave me focus on what i want to do so i guess that would have been impossible.

    as for going out. i went out alot, but you really become a homebody with small kids so i guess i wish i had taken better advantage of being child-free

    How old were you when you fell pregnant? was it planned or a surprise? why did you choose to have children when you did?

    i fell pregnant just before i turned 28. I'm turning 31 this year. it was a planned surprise. we wanted kids at some point, but weren't actively trying. so it was a surprise but not totally as we figured it would eventually happen. i suppose we unconciously decided the time was right to skip birth control when we had been together for a few years, realized we had the same goals and values and saw some of our friends have kids and still be the same people.


    And lastly, what things would you advise someone to have experienced or done before they decide to have children? e.g travel, own a home, be financially stable etc....

    i am a big advocate of travelling! i travelled all over the world before i had ds. i plan on travelling with him, but it is a totally different thing to travel and experience cultures on your own. from the limited travel i have done with ds it is just harder. still possible, but harder.
    as for being financially secure...well, i suppose it's a good idea but it can be done with no money, you just have to be creative. so if it is something you want but don't have money or own your own home, go for it!

  10. #10
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    If you were absolutely guaranteed to get the same children would you have done anything differently in your life??

    Nope!!

    How old were you when you fell pregnant? was it planned or a surprise? why did you choose to have children when you did?

    I was 24 when I fell PG, we had been trying for 3 months. We were absolutely ready, had done everything we said we would.

    And lastly, what things would you advise someone to have experienced or done before they decide to have children? e.g travel, own a home, be financially stable etc....

    I had this list: get married, buy a house, have a stamp in my passport and get a tattoo, all of which I did!

    I definately recomend buying a house first, or at least have enough savings to be able to do so after bubs is born.

    And to have travelled at least a little bit, not necessarily OS, but some child free hols! Its definately different with a baby!


 

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