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  1. #1
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    Default Post Natal Depression - anyone else out there???

    I have the most gorgeous six month old baby boy, he is happy and healthy and all is well, except that I have recently been diagnosed with Post Natal Depression.


    It was a relief to be told that there is a reason for my craziness but I constantly suffer the guilts because I feel that I should be happier and I should be coping much better.

    My biggest problem I have found is anxiety of being alone with my boy. My partner works all week and is also in a band, so a lot of his weekend is taken up with other committments. He is very supportive, and helps out a lot, but when he is busy I have to make other plans as I can't handle the thought of being alone at home. I feel like I'm becoming a burden to my friends and family as I am constantly asking to come over, even if they are busy, and if I can't then I get upset and end up taking him to the shops just to be around other people.

    I feel so stupid for this, and I'm just wondering if anyone else out there understands what I'm feeling. It's driving me crazy, and I don't want to end up turning everyone away from me because I'm so needy. It's so hard to find people to talk to about this, as PND is quite a taboo topic, and I'm sure half the people I know think I just need to pull my head in an get on with life.

    I'm really interested to find out if anyone else has similar issues??

  2. #2
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    Default Shops are a sanity saver...

    Hi
    I'm sorry that I haven't had direct experience with PND, but I too found that shops are a sanity saver (even if your *temporary* insanity is not a real threat to your mental health).

    My girls both love to go out and I remember with DD1 how I would wonder if it was *right* to take her out if she'd been a bit narky - but miraculously, her behaviour would improve when we were on the move. I seriously think that, like us, our babies get a bit bored at home and enjoy the outing. So I think its pretty normal to organise an outing every day (my 3 yo asks everyday "where are we going today Mummy?").

    Would you feel comfortable joining a playgroup or mother's group? I found it great to talk to Mums with kids the same age as mine - often really helpful. It will keep you out of the shops (I have to work part time to make sure I'm not shopping EVERY DAY!) and will make you feel a bit more independent and less reliant on family and friends.

    I hope that you're receiving help, because PND is a real, treatable mental illness and I don't believe that you need to rely on getting over it all on your own - there is help for you.

    Best wishes for your family

  3. #3
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    Yes me too, I sufferred PND but did not realise it for quite some time. The important thing is that you realise that everyone goes through some sort of depression. It will get better.
    If you are concerned about being at home with your bub, then just get out, whether it be for a walk or to the shops as already suggested, then just do it. It has been found that even the most remote exercise helps situmate your body and mind (and sunshine is great too) this will make you feel better. If your concern about being home with your child is that you may harm him then go and see your GP, and explain to family and friends what is happening. That you need help and it won't be forever it's a day by day thing (or sometimes minute or hour by hour thing)
    It's also important that you recognise that before your babys arrival you were an independant go where you what do what you want person, and that has been taken away from you at some level or another (for some of us this is a huuugggeee deal) and acknowledging that it won't be forever is the first step.
    A lot more of us suffer from PND than we realise and it comes in various forms of anxiety and levels.
    I encourage others who have had deression experiences to let you know that you are not the only one. Of 8 girlfriends of mine, 6 have admitted to needing help with their feelings and changes in their life, whether you want to call it PND that's an individual choice. All these women are highly educated samrt women....
    You hang in there - there are plenty of professionals out their to help, plenty of medicines and herbal remedies also, and exercise is good too.
    If you need to talk particulars then send me a message.
    take good care of you!
    Louise

  4. #4
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    Thankyou so much for your replies. I feel a lot better knowing that I'm not the only one. I would love to join a mothers group or play group, and my GP said that there's nothing wrong with going out every day (only it's not too good for the finances to be going to the shop every day!! haha.)

    Thanks again for your kind thoughts!!

  5. #5
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    You're never as alone as you think you are! It's great that you're opening up and talking about PND, it really is a taboo subject and that's half the problem.

    I was never diagnosed with PND but was not coping well and was badly screwed up in the head starting from when my dd was 4 or 5 months (just after I started back to work and was trying to juggle too much, go figure). I was terrified that I would get out of control while upset or angry and end up hurting my dd. I felt crazy, guilty for not being able to cope like every other mum seemed to be able to, and disbelief that I could be one of "those" crazy moms. It got to the point where I was starting to believe dd would be better off without me around. When I finally told a friend how I was feeling she was immediately supportive. It took me longer to tell my husband.

    I hope your family and friends are going to be there for you. I think perhaps more of them understand than want to admit, but then again, if it's been awhile since they started their families they may have forgotten how difficult in can be. I'd certainly like to forget last year

    Getting out, seeing people, going shopping, it all helps. I discovered that just putting dd in her pram and going for a walk to the park helped. Getting out of the house & being in public was part of it but I think the exercise and sunshine did alot for keeping my mood up instead of down.

    If you do join a mother's group, don't let their happy smiles fool you and make you feel worse in comparison. Chances are that at least some of them are going through or have gone through the same issues and problems as you. We all wear masks sometimes. (I once made a comment to my mothers group along the lines of "don't you ever just want to be alone, without bub?" and got looked at like I was an alien. I put my mask back up after that with them). But do get together with other mums (or dads) for the company and also cause the happy mums often have really useful suggestions on places to go and things to do with bub! Even better if they'll babysit for you sometimes

    If you ever want to talk, or just rant, drop me a line

    Martha

  6. #6
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    Hi

    I find myself in a similar position. I have a lovely 4 1/2 month little girl, but also have PND (at least my Dr talks like I do). I also don't like to be home alone too much and go out most days. I am starting to run out of reasons to get out every day though.

    I don't think I have bad PND, but I guess at this stage there is no denying I have 'some'. The first two months were just awful as my daughter had colic (5pm - midnight every night) and was very difficult to settle off to sleep. Now she is just lovely and although sometimes still difficult to settle she is vastly improved. So I feel like I should feel better, and on some level I do, however I still feel anxious/nervous/negative/sometimes teary/lonely/bored/frustrated etc quite a lot of the time.

    I agree it is difficult to find someone to talk too. My husband is very supportive (hate to think where I would be without him), but other than that it is hard. I think most people are not unkind, but simply can't relate. I know I now think differently about PND than I did before I had it. I thought I was 'strong enough' to cope with the challenges a baby brings am still struggling with the reality that I haven't been able to. I feel a bit cheated that this experience I was so looking forward to has turned out to be so difficult and hard.

    My current dilemma is that my Dr is encouraging me to take anti-depressants and I can't decide whether I should or not (apparently in-decisiveness is a sympton!). I am definitely not 'myself', but (mostly) I am managing to hold it together. Part of me really wants to feel more relaxed and enjoying life, but it seems like a big risk to take a tablet to achieve that.

    Anyway enough about me, I just thought you might like to know that I can definitely relate. I don't think there is any problem with going out if it helps you feel better. I have a mothers group and also a post-natal acqua-aerobics class which covers two days a week. I usually mangage to find some jobs for the remaining days (grocery shopping, library, leg wax etc)

  7. #7
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    Default pnd

    I have read your posts here and although my children are now 4,6 & 9 I can still relate wholeheartedly to the feelings you guys are experiencing.
    I had the worst depression with my second baby. It's a strange kind of feeling as I can remember being totally in denial that I was depressed; that was for weak people who couldn't cope and I was strong and could cope!!!! It's a cruel thing, now I am convinced that it only happens to strong, well organised & competent people!
    You are certainly not alone most other Mums are feeling some degree of these emotions. The good advice from the other posts should help you through this. Keep busy and positive, you WILL get through it!
    Good Luck!!

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elliesmum
    I feel a bit cheated that this experience I was so looking forward to has turned out to be so difficult and hard.
    I think what you said is so true. One of my best friends who went through severe PND and was such a great support to me told me this: that mums who are most looking forward to having kids, such as mums who had difficulty conceiving or carrying to term or who just had to wait a long time for whatever reason, are most at risk of PND. I don't know if it's true or not, but it makes sense in a way. If we've looked forward so long to finally having a baby and then we have it but can't cope or have strange feelings, the reaction (and for me, self blame & guilt) is going to be higher perhaps than in other mums.

    Even if the risk of actual PND isn't higher then I definitely think mums who've worked so hard to have their baby are going to have more difficulty in admitting what they're feeling, talking about it and getting help.

    As far as anti-depressents go, I avoided them, but they were a big help to my friend. I think it has to be a personal decision, as hard as it is to make decisions!

    I'm curious & just going to throw a question out - When I went to book in at the hospital I had to fill out a questionairre that was supposed to measure how at risk of PND I was. My CHN had me do one after the birth as well, I can't remember how long after. Did anyone else lie on theirs about how they were feeling?

  9. #9
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    Default Anti-depressants

    HI all,

    Just wanted to put my input in. i have been on a very low does of anti-depressants for at least 2 1/2 years, my family members and i did alot of reserach on them and i had to go through a few differnt one to find the one that suited me. I must say i gave up them when i feel pregnant and bub is 2 mths now and i have just gone back on them as i dont have PND ( which i was a prime candiate for) but i have OCD.

    My advice is that even though i fought with myself for ages not to go on them because i thought that by taking them i had failed , just the tiniest mg helps. I am on Zoloft and only 50mg which is so low but it balances everything out and helps me look at all situations with a level head instead of getting so worked up and emotional.

    Zoloft is not addictive and u can wean off them quite easily. i just think that for myself , everyday life is just so much more approchable in the mornings then it was before. and therefore myself and my family( as it effects alot of your relationships) live a much more enjoyable life without the panic attacks, nervousness etc.

    I also see a counseller, because for the anti depressants to work with its full benifits its advise to see someone, and it is great to talk to someone different and un-judgemental.

    Enough blabberin but just wanted to say that anti depressants arnt all that bad.....do the research and do what you feel is right.

    Emma

  10. #10
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    Hi Elliesmum

    Without trying to sound like a know it all (I CERTAINLY am not that!) I would like to say that I have been taking Zoloft now for the last 6 weeks, and I am finally starting to feel like a human again.

    I was in denial for six months about the depression, and thought that I could get over it myself, that taking drugs for depression is "weak" etc. but it's not. They have helped to balance out the chemicals in my brain responsible for the depression. What you need to remember is that it is a chemical imbalance, and in NO way a reflection of your ability to be a mother!! But it's easy to say because I feel the same way a lot of the time. But I have honestly found that the Zoloft has helped to make me feel a lot less stressed. It's nice to be able to start seeing things in a more positive light.

    I still have a ways to go with this thing, but it is so good to know that I am getting better, and that I will get over this once and for all.

    I'm not being preachy, merely stating my own experiences, but I just thought you might like to know

    If you girls are keen to share your story, I am wanting to write a book on PND. I have put out a few posts on this site, because I really think that it could be a great book that could really be of benefit to people who have PND and their families. And I am totally okay with it being anonymous. If you are keen, please reply and I will be in touch.

    Hope this helps!!


 

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