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  1. #1
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    Question Ceasar recovery and toddler

    How did you cope????

    When ds was born I had my mum staying with me for 2 weeks (and she would not let me do anything)and then df home for another week after that. This time around however, mum is not sure if she will be able to stay as long (she is interstate and has my younger sister's schooling to consider) and df will be lucky to get a week off work this time. So, I'm wondering, if I end up having another ceasar, how will I cope with ds (he will be 20 months)?? I'm hoping my mil will be able to come over a fair bit, but not sure how helpful she will be - when ds was born, i really felt she came purely to see bub, but not to help out at all (didn't even get up to make her own cuppa!). Maybe all I needed to do was ask!

    Anyway, how have others done it before me??? Any experiences, good or bad, suggestions, etc would be much appreciated!!!

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    A freind of mine is just pg, and after an emergency c sec, this is her worst fear! There are som many things to consider that you otherwise would not think about. Likw lifting toddler into the car - she has a big 4x4 and will have a nearly 3 year old. You can't drive for two weeks anyway, lifting a nappy bucket, washing basket, cleaning up mess after the toddler. Sounds like your mil will be no help, lol! Do you have a group of friends that could 'roster' themselves to come around for an hour a day to help you get the necessary stuff done? My friend is going for a VBAC, but it all changes and gets harder if you have a cesaer. I guess all you can do is have a good plan in place, and hope for the best! Good luck!

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    DD1 was just over 2yrs when DD2 was born, both c-sections. My DH works away and couldn't get time off, as he already had time off to look after DD while i was in hospital. We had his parents here then too, but they left the day after i got home, as i couldn't stand (no offense to them, they're lovely) to have them staying with us with a new bub. So basically after one day of rest at home, DH was back at work and i was alone. My mum lives 3 hours away and my sisters are young too, so have to go to school. I found it surprisingly easy....I could do most things (even stuff i wasn't supposed to, like carrying th wash basket and hanging out washing. DD1 just had to learn she couldn't jump on me like she used to, but she hadn't done that for a while anyway! lol She was really good, apart from helping just a little too much with bub, and trying to pick her up all the time!

    I was driving after 2 weeks, as i had no other form of getting around (though i did walk to town at first (after that i got lazy!)....I just got DD to climb in the car herself and i'd hold her hand to get her to jump out (we have a low 2wd dual cab). This saved lifting her in and out....Though i did have to lift her into the toddler seat on the pram to go walking. Just take it easy and you should be right, you'll know what you can & can't handle! Good Luck!

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    I think planning is a good idea But if you choose wisely you're much more likely to push your baby out beautifully!

    In the unlikely event of this not happening, a back up plan is a good idea. Some places to try to parenting support:

    * local playgroup - women at mine cook meals for each other, and clean house, after the bub arrives
    * local birth group - as above!
    * local ABA group - often has a meal roster for birthing mamas so join now while you're pregnant
    * ask friends to share a meal roster for you
    * save up some money to be able to afford more take away and home delivered groceries than usual
    * local bubhub mamas to you?

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    DS1 was nearly 18 months old when DS2 was delivered by C/S. I was lucky enough to have Hubby home for four weeks though. I found myself lifting my toddler into the bath after 1 week without even thinking about it. It was then I realised that if I lifted with my arms and not my legs and core then I was ok. I had started teaching DS1 to climb into his car seat by himself before bub was born so it was easier for me.
    You may be able to get your DH to hint to his Mum that you may need help around the house after bub is born. Subtle hints go a long way with women - (not so for men they don't seem to pick up on them ). Your DH could say something like "I wish I could be there to help more but I can't because of work, maybe we need to look into hiring a maid".

    In all honesty though even if your MIL could just mind your little man for you it will be a great help.

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    I forgot to add my helpful hints, so here they are;
    • Try and do up some frozen meals beforehand
    • if you have a front loader washing machine, try to get it mounted higher so you don't have to bend
    • shower your toddler instead of bathing them that way you don't have to worry about lifting them or bending over the bathtub
    • teach your toddler to climb in and out of their car seat and stroller if you can
    I hope this helps.

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    As Tracey said ... at 20 months most toddlers are really good at climbing and will do so willingly which puts a lot less strain on you with lifting etc.

    I taught my dd to stand on a chair if I needed to lift her for any reason and that helped as she would grab me around the shoulders and was at the age where she took most of her own weight by holding on with her arms and legs.

    The amazing thing is ... if you spend plenty of time with your toddler (when bub sleeps etc), you will find that they are really compliant to whatever you ask and willing to help you a lot with your bub.

    There was only 21 months between my two and I found my dd to be an absolute godsend at times with the amount of help and labour saving that she did! Even getting her to pick dirty washing up from the basket for me to put into the machine was a great help and putting cups and plates onto the bench when I was stranded with bub.

    You will be amazed at how quickly life settles into a routine and the kids (baby especially) will just fit around what has to be done.

    My sister told me once ... " with one kids you have to be organised, with two it is just a matter of being 10 minutes more organised!"

    Your recovery will be easier than you think ... dwell on the fact that you will be able to have some quiet unrushed time with your toddler while bub sleeps and that it will be doing the world of good for both you and your big kid!

    btw ... I had no help after either of my c/sections ... dh had to go back to work as soon as we were home and it is almost easier to be left to discover your own routine rather than having to obey kindly orders and make sure that your houseguest is feeling comfortable. Maybe if someone who is close to you can arrange to have your eldest for a day (or even an afternoon) once a week so that you can catch up on things around the house etc ... this is probably more help than having someone in your home for you to trip over and feel awkward around!

  8. #8
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    I managed quite well considering, my toddler was 19mths old and had no help my partner works away. All I did to aid myself was to change my toddlers bum I got a two step and I just trained her to use that for everything I couldnt lift her up onto. With washing I got two clothes horses and did small loads inside so I wasnt carrying the washing far. My doctors told me I couldnt drive for 6 wks so before my partner went back to work he did a huge grocery shop to last us 2 wks and if I needed milk I just rang my sister or Mum and they brought some up! My toddler went to daycare two days a week so my mum picked her up! My Mum offered to move in and help but when I got out of hospital I felt good and my partner was home for 5 days so once he went to work I felt confident that I could manage! Plus I had really good pain killers so I think that helped! For the things that seem impossible dont feel bad ask for help and dont stress about cleaning to much time healing and time with ur kids are more important. Oh yeah if DS wants mum cuddles just sit down and get him to climb up on the couch and gently sit on ur lap, for the first 2wks I put a pillow over my wound and just layed DD on my chest and squeezed her all the time so she didnt feel left out!

    Im going to have to practice what I preach soon cause I have another one on the way but this time I have a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old it is going to be fun!

    I wish u all the best and if u have an dramas give me a shout u can PM or just put up a post! Much love to ya!


 

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