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  • Full time work and day care

    I was just looking for some Mum's or Dad's who have positive experience's with putting their children in child care five days a week while they work. I am going back to work after Easter and as my boss is a bit of an A'hole I have to go back five days a week instead of four. This means that Zara will be in child care full time and I don't know why but I feel like a failure for that. I just feel from reading a few other threads (not in this section ) that people don't understand, they just sort of think well why go back at all to have someone else raise your kid IYKWIM.
    Sorry, we can't afford for me not to work and I guess I am just feeling a little deflated at the moment!

  • #2
    i'm a sahm so no experiences sorry but think if you have to put your child in care while you work then that is not a bad thing. you shouldnt be made to feel like a failure because of it.

    we all do what we feel is right for our families. and you dont have to justify this to anyone else.

    good luck with the job and i'm sure zara will love childcare.

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    • #3
      Thanks sw33tn3ss, I appreciate your kind words. I shouldn't feel guilty I know but it's hard with the perception of some that you are less of a mother by doing so.

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      • #4
        Hi Zarasmummy

        Both of my children have been in 5 day daycare for most of their lives and have thrived. I have seen the grow into two independant, caring and considerate kids (eldest is now six and youngest is 3). They play really well with others and each other - do really well as far as reading and writing goes, take direction very well and are very creative.

        Even though I have never been given any reason to regret my decision to work full time - the guilt still comes and goes and is mainly inspired by other peoples comments and lack of understanding. I've just learnt to ignore them and do what is best for my family.

        We have probably structured our lives a little differently to other families to make sure we spend as much time as possible together. Our kids go to bed later than a lot of other kids that I know (between 8.30 and 9.00 most nights) and they have always been welcome to cosleep if they needed to be near us ore alternatively encouraged to come in for morning chats and cuddles. We also have a fairly relaxed routine as far as bath/showetime goes and they are welcome to jump in with DP or I in the evening or morning as they enjoy chatting about the day. So basically we try to do as much bonding as possible. This also means a bit of a less social weekends than what we used to have as we try to do as much together (swimming lessons, sport park trips etc).

        I also have to say that having a really supportive partner helps heaps as there are always lunches to be made and washing to be done. Sharing the load is one of the only ways that I can personally cope because there are only so many hours in the day.

        Anyway - It can be done. It can and does work and the one thing that I've realised is that the people who try to make you feel guilty are only trying to justify their own life choices my making yours seem inferior. So do what is best for you and your family and be strong!

        Always here to chat if need be. Good luck with everything and sorry about the long post! LOL

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        • #5
          I have only worked part time since having children so don't fall squarely in your shoes (the joys of the public service and three pregnancies in four years), but my sister went back full time with her son and he was in day care 5 days a week. As she and her husband were able to progress with their careers over the years they actually both went on at a later point to work part time (and still do) and he cut back. But even while he was full time in care it was a positive experience for them. He is now 7, a very bright, confident little person and they have no regrets.

          If you approach it in a positive way, make the most of your time at home and the most of the time you are apart, it will work for you. The balancing act is never easy - it is a balancing act after all - but you can do it!

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          • #6
            Hi
            I too am a full time working mummy. My boys are in daycare 3 full days and with my mum for the other 2.
            When i was on Maternity leave my eldest still went, by the time we got to Tuesday evening he needed to go to daycare to run around with the kids also the added interaction. I do believe that daycare brings great things out in your children like ability to stay with others, interaction with other kids etc
            And i certanly cherish every precious moment we have with them when we are home (we work long hours 7.30am -6pm each day)

            The hardest part is getting ready every night and up in the morning, my first month back recently i questioned it but once you get the routine downpat you will fell better and happier

            I think make it a positive experience and you will have happy kids

            Last edited by Harry&Max's Mummy; 26-02-2007, 06:04.

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            • #7
              Zarasmummy - I totally understand where you are coming from.... and I have noticed that a lot of people are SAHM and don't understand how you can leave your child etc or at least not have a family member look after them etc... a lot of criticism is out there regarding childcare...

              My little one is in childcare and we both love it - she thrives on socialisation and learning with other children and meeting different people and making friends.

              In my opinion if your children do have exposure to childcare/kinder they will adjust to school will little or no problems.

              I am a product of childcare - both my parents had to work full time and leave us in full time care from when I was 9 months old. I do have memories of that time and I do remember thinking that it was odd that my mother worked (this was in the 70's/80's when a lot of mothers didn't work or go back to work) but it was a positive experience and I remember I had no problems socialising or going to school later on - all these other kids were crying around me in Prep and I was just wanting to get on with it!!!

              Anyway big - it's ok..... you are NOT a failure fo having to use resources such as childcare! And most children (from what I know) actually love it there!!! I know my little one does and I've met a lot of other working mums and carers and they are sooo nice and just like us!!

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              • #8
                I am in the same boat as you i feel really bad that i have to work but it is just a fact of life these days that both parents are working full time/ptime. My dd is 14mths and she goes to day care one day and the other days she is with her grandparents and one day home with me.

                I work in a daycare centre as well and i see so many parents juggling work and parenting.

                Just remember that you are not the only mother working full time out there there are plenty of mothers doing the same thing and we don't have to justify this to anyone.

                goodluck

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by bigglet View Post
                  Zarasmummy - I totally understand where you are coming from.... and I have noticed that a lot of people are SAHM and don't understand how you can leave your child etc or at least not have a family member look after them etc... a lot of criticism is out there regarding childcare...

                  My little one is in childcare and we both love it - she thrives on socialisation and learning with other children and meeting different people and making friends.

                  In my opinion if your children do have exposure to childcare/kinder they will adjust to school will little or no problems.

                  I am a product of childcare - both my parents had to work full time and leave us in full time care from when I was 9 months old. I do have memories of that time and I do remember thinking that it was odd that my mother worked (this was in the 70's/80's when a lot of mothers didn't work or go back to work) but it was a positive experience and I remember I had no problems socialising or going to school later on - all these other kids were crying around me in Prep and I was just wanting to get on with it!!!

                  Anyway big - it's ok..... you are NOT a failure fo having to use resources such as childcare! And most children (from what I know) actually love it there!!! I know my little one does and I've met a lot of other working mums and carers and they are sooo nice and just like us!!
                  Great post Biglget!

                  I can relate to your memory of just wanting to get on with it in Prep - I was also came from a working family! And laughed as my daughter was exactly the same when she started Grade 1 last year!

                  Sometimes it is a hard journey to take and I love that we can all be really supportive of each other. We may work full-time but that doesn't make us part-time mums!

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                  • #10
                    I'm trying to find a fulltime job, or at least something that is 4 days a week. I have to work. I worked before having DD, and now we have 3 mouths to feed.

                    I don't see it as sending my child to be raised by strangers at all. In just a few weeks I will get to know the carers, and they won't be strangers anymore, and I know that I am raising my child, not them.

                    It's fine for others to judge, but you have to do what's best for your family. It would be nice to be a SAHM, but we all can't do that.

                    I think that some SAHM are very judgemental. How many working mothers question them though? If no mothers worked could we support welfare etc??

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                    • #11
                      Hey Zaras Mummy

                      I can only imagine what you are feeling and what you must be going through. While I have been fortunate enough to make the decision to be a SAHM, I was recently faced with the choice of being offered a fabulous job which was 5 hrs a day 5 days a week and I spent a couple of days in tears at the idea of putting my DS into care for just that period of time.
                      We made the decision for me to not take the job as my DH had found another job late last year with a huge difference in salary which meant we were lucky enough to afford me staying at home. (Also, we only rent at the moment so don't have the extra worry of a mortgage hanging over our heads)
                      I spoke to a lot of Mums I knew who worked when I was making my decision and they all told me the same thing. They knew why they were back at work, they knew they had no choice, they knew what they were doing was ultimately the best for their family in the long run, but they still felt guilt nearly every morning when dropping their children off and picking their children up - despite the fact that their children were THRIVING in day care.
                      to you. You now you are doing what you have to do and no one has the right to judge you!

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                      • #12
                        My son is now in day care 4 days per week.
                        He started with two days per week at 15 months, as we had no family support... and I was struggling to keep it together. He has gradually worked up to four days this week, as I am starting uni tomorrow.
                        I am not feeling incredibly good about my decision right now... but I am sure once we settle into our new routine, it will be ok.

                        During pregnancy I thought I would NEVER send my child to day care... but when you don't live near family or have many friends with children, I feel that it almost becomes a neccessity.
                        I believe in the idea that it 'takes a village to raise a child'.
                        In our case we only had each other. I wanted him to be exposed to other children and adults and feel comfortable wih people other than my husband and I.
                        He is 20 months now... he loves going to day care... waves and says 'Bye mum!' when I leave and is always happy playing when I pick him up.

                        On non-day care days, he will often grab his bag and wait at the door saying 'car, car'

                        When I look at my little man, and his cheeky personality I know that he is not being damaged by the experience... But it only takes a couple of silly comments for me to question it all and feel like I am a terrible mum.... though that is more my personal issue than anything to do with the actual situation.

                        ETA - I realise that the title is actually 'full time work and day care'... but seeing as I am currently having issues with a similar situation, I thought I'd add my bit I hope that's ok.
                        Last edited by MonkeyMum05; 26-02-2007, 09:45.

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                        • #13
                          Thank you all for your wonderful words of support, it's so great to know that I am not alone and it can be done!

                          jojojonsey I found your post so inspirational...you wrote exactly what I needed to hear. I know that I have to go back to work and in a way I am looking forward to the adult interaction and some exercise for my brain...it's just so good to know that you and your family have done it so successfully. We also know that it will be so important to make that extra time for each other and make sure we are available to Zara whenever she needs us.

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                          • #14
                            jojojonesy...what a fantastic Mum you are! Once again, thanks so much for your ongoing support and kind words and good luck for today!!!!!!!!!

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                            • #15
                              Some offtopic posts have been removed. Please keep to the question that the OP posed "positive full time child care experiences". Remember that if you think a post is unhelpful or rude, report it using the report post button. Arguments and misinterpretations can be hurtful and hijack the thread.

                              Cheers

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