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is it ok for my 6 month old to cry himself to sleep?

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  • is it ok for my 6 month old to cry himself to sleep?

    So I'm trying to establish a sleeping thing, i put my son down when he is tired in the day and he often cries, i go in and check on him at 5 minutes and then again at about 10 minutes and so on, if he's not hungry has a clean nappy and is tired is it ok to let him cry? sometimes he wakes up after 20 minutes and is still tired, do i let him cry him self back to sleep?

    How should i be doing this??? I have no idea and want to get this sleep thing sorted by the time my next baby comes in december!

  • #2
    In my opinion, it's not okay, no. Have you tried having a read of the no-cry sleep section? Lots of great ideas and book recommendations in there!

    Hope things settle down for you soon

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    • #3
      You will probably get many varied opinions on this and it can be quite a controversial topic!
      Firstly big congratulations to you on your baby and on your pregnancy!
      As far as your question goes, I personally do not let my kids cry themselves to sleep. Naturally, some times they will because nothing I can do will soothe them, but the aim of the game for me is to make their lives as non-teary as possible.
      So with my kids, that means rocking, patting, feeding, singing, humming or whatever works to get them to sleep. I often just lay next to them and they go to sleep happily.
      It provably sounds really unappealing to have to bop and dancr and sing or whatever, and tbh there are times that I wish I could just walk away, but I can't and I never have, so I do what works for 'us.'
      Six months is pretty little. I know you say he isn't wet or hungry, and that is great, but they do so often need emotional comfort and reassurance.
      I hope you guys can find a way and I hope you get lots of helpful comments
      Last edited by Mrs Molly Coddle; 06-06-2012, 15:39.

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      • #4
        What sort of a cry is it? Just a bit of a whinge or a real heartbreaking cry? My eldest used to whinge herself to sleep. I think its ok as long as your son isn't getting distressed.

        Follow your instinct, if the cry sounds like a real cry as opposed to a bit of a whinge then go in and soothe him. Try to resettle him in the cot if you can. So recover him in his blankets or reswaddle him, put your hand gently on his chest and soothe him in the cot, pat him, say shhhhhh and then leave when he's drowsy. And if he wakes after 20 minutes, then do it all again.

        Don't lose heart, be gentle and persist
        Last edited by MamaC; 06-06-2012, 16:45. Reason: had to add

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        • #5
          www.aaimhi.org/inewsfiles/controlled_crying.pdf

          i don't know if that link works, but if not if you google "infant mental health and controlled crying" it's the link to the PDF which comes up first which is the Australian Association for Infant Mental Health's position paper on controlled crying.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by MamaC View Post
            What sort of a cry is it? Just a bit of a whinge or a real heartbreaking cry? My eldest used to whinge-cry herself to sleep. I think its ok as long as your son isn't getting distressed.

            Follow your instinct, if the cry sounds like a real cry as opposed to a bit of a whinge then go in and recover him in his blankets or reswaddle him, put your hand on his chest and soothe him in the cot, pat him, say shhhhhh and then leave when he's drowsy.
            I agree. If my son grizzles, turns head, turns to side & back, it's a good sign because he's winding down & finding a comfy spot to sleep. I would not go in to distract him. If he cries (non stop, with tears, sounds distressed etc) I rock his body, pat his back, feed, bounce... whatever it takes to calm him to sleep.

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            • #7
              There's a difference between a cry and a whinge IMO - trust your instincts, you know what his cries mean.

              I thought what I did with my kids was controlled crying but it was really controlled Whinging lol. If they whinged I'd let them go, if they were really crying and distressed they got comforted and resettled.

              Some kids sleep better without extra stimulation such as patting etc. some kids do.

              Have you tried a musical lullaby light show thing? Tomy make a great one that my kids loved. You can set it to turn off at 5 or 10 mins and it has a few different tunes as well. Why not give that a try.

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              • #8
                I found at that age sleep tends to go a little bit to hell. I personally wouldn't use controlled cryig unless as a last resort, I think it can do more harm than good. If you're happier with something to follow can I suggest Jo Ryan's book Babybliss? It's a bit gentler than just letting them cry, but is fairly structured and got great results for me (i found some of the no-cry solutions either expected you to just put up with it, or took a long long time to get results)
                Good luck, I hope you get some sleep

                Sent from my HTC Sensation Z710a using BubHub

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                • #9
                  ok so, his cry is between both a wing and a real cry, if i leave him he will ALWAYS fall asleep, i am so conflicted with what I'm getting in response, my 7 year old cried himself to sleep and is fine now, and sleeps well, and has no attachment problems.

                  To the mums who don't agree on letting the baby cry, do you mean i should be holding my baby till he falls asleep? every time?

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by MamaC View Post
                    What sort of a cry is it? Just a bit of a whinge or a real heartbreaking cry? My eldest used to whinge herself to sleep. I think its ok as long as your son isn't getting distressed.

                    Follow your instinct, if the cry sounds like a real cry as opposed to a bit of a whinge then go in and soothe him. Try to resettle him in the cot if you can. So recover him in his blankets or reswaddle him, put your hand gently on his chest and soothe him in the cot, pat him, say shhhhhh and then leave when he's drowsy. And if he wakes after 20 minutes, then do it all again.

                    Don't lose heart, be gentle and persist
                    This us what we did.like a PP said, you well get many varied opinions and these threads can get heated. If you are not comfortable leaving your bub to cry, then don't, but there are lots of different cries. A whinge or a grizzle is very different to all out hysterical screaming.
                    Personally I didn't like timing my response, I went in when I felt they were getting too upset.

                    You know your baby best, I suggest you look up controlled crying, no-cry sleep solutions and responsive settling (what MamaC described) and see what fits with your parenting philosophy. Hope you get some sleep soon

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                    • #11
                      …… double post - sorry.
                      Last edited by HugsBunny; 06-06-2012, 16:24.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by MamaC View Post
                        What sort of a cry is it? Just a bit of a whinge or a real heartbreaking cry? My eldest used to whinge herself to sleep. I think its ok as long as your son isn't getting distressed.

                        Follow your instinct, if the cry sounds like a real cry as opposed to a bit of a whinge then go in and soothe him. Try to resettle him in the cot if you can. So recover him in his blankets or reswaddle him, put your hand gently on his chest and soothe him in the cot, pat him, say shhhhhh and then leave when he's drowsy. And if he wakes after 20 minutes, then do it all again.

                        Don't lose heart, be gentle and persist
                        This us what we did.like a PP said, you well get many varied opinions and these threads can get heated. If you are not comfortable leaving your bub to cry, then don't, but there are lots of different cries. A whinge or a grizzle is very different to all out hysterical screaming.
                        Personally I didn't like timing my response, I went in when I felt they were getting too upset.

                        You know your baby best, I suggest you look up controlled crying, no-cry sleep solutions and responsive settling (what MamaC described) and see what fits with your parenting philosophy. Hope you get some sleep soon

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          It's not okay to let a six month old cry hysterically. A whingey, tired cry is okay in my opinion but not for longer than about 3 minutes or so.

                          That was my yardstick - I'd put DS down, leave the room and if he started to cry I'd leave it for 3 minutes to see if it was just a tired cry and he settled down. Any longer than that & I went back in to settle him. If the cry sounded distressed at any point I went straight in - didn't wait the 3 minutes.

                          My DS has self settled from about 6 months following this routine and still goes to bed awake and happy as an almost 3 yr old. I think you are giving them a valuable life skill to be able to self settle as long as you are doing it in a way that doesn't allow distress or prolonged crying. It also depends on the child, some are in no way ready for this at 6 months.

                          You don't need to hold him or rock him to sleep, but you do need to give him the reassurance and feeling of safety that it's okay for him to fall asleep by himself. This means going in and resettling him everytime he becomes either distressed or cries for longer than 3 minutes.

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                          • #14
                            Uneducated question here but I just wanted to hear the responses. Why isn't it okay to let them cry to sleep?

                            Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using BubHub

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Neekie View Post
                              To the mums who don't agree on letting the baby cry, do you mean i should be holding my baby till he falls asleep? every time?
                              I used to rate the cry from 1-10, 1 being a whinge and 10 being all out hysterics. When it got to a 3 or 4 i would go in and pat (so bub was still in the cot). And if it got beyond that and they weren't calming, I would pick them up to settle them.
                              so i guess i didn't let them cry but tried to avoid picking them up unless i had to. My aim was to find a balance between keeping them as happy as possble while teaching them to self-settle.

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