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Dh refers to his mum as mum not Nana to the kids.

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  • Dh refers to his mum as mum not Nana to the kids.

    Am I overreacting to get annoyed and angry when he does this? Ie he will tell dd's to give that to mum.. Mum will be here soon.. Mum this mum that.. Instead of give that to Nana, Nana will be here soon etc. I've told him it's disrespectful to me to do this and he said he doesn't mean to. The girls are nearly 15 and 8.

  • #2
    Personally I don’t see how it’s disrespectful to you, especially given your girls are old enough to understand he’s referring to his mother, not to you.

    But if you’ve said it’s important to you, he should at least try not to do it.

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    • #3
      That’d annoy me too!

      Unfortunately it sounds like it’s a habit he’s not ever going to break. Even if he added the word “my” before “give it to MY Mum” or “MY Mum is going to be here soon” it would be better.

      FWIW it’s worth, both my DH and I refer to the kids Nanna/Nan as “Nanna is looking after you today” or “Nan is here”. In fact my Mum is listed in my phone as “Nanna”.

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      • #4
        I’m a bit confused... it is his mum. Aren’t your children supposed to call her nana? I’m not sure how it works.
        Either way I always say mum to my mother and even talking to my kids I say pass this to mum. Even DH says that e.g “I’m taking the kids to see mum”.

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        • #5
          I think it is creepy. I dont think you are over-reacting. I would find it uncomfortable and weird. She isn't their mother, she is their grandmother, Geez new level of Oedipus complex.

          If you are talking to kids you refer to the other person as the name the kids call them.
          Last edited by Mummamania; 09-02-2020, 09:54.
          "This too, shall pass."

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          • #6
            Sorry I don’t see an issue either, they are old enough to differentiate between mum and nanna.. don’t over think it love as he probably doesn’t have any ill intentions behind it xx

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            • #7
              I’m really lost as to this issue. Your DH calls his mum, mum...? Your kids are old enough to know that their dad’s mum is their nan/nana/grandma.

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              • #8
                To clear something up. Mil lives with us when she's home from fifo. When talking to the kids he most often says eg "mum was calling you" and when she's home will go to her because he does it that often, when he meant I was calling them and vice versa. The look on their faces is usually confusion.

                Someone said Oedipus complex and it certainly feels that way a lot of the time.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by DesperatelySeekingSleep View Post
                  To clear something up. Mil lives with us when she's home from fifo. When talking to the kids he most often says eg "mum was calling you" and when she's home will go to her because he does it that often, when he meant I was calling them and vice versa. The look on their faces is usually confusion.

                  Someone said Oedipus complex and it certainly feels that way a lot of the time.
                  In the VERY LEAST he should be saying to the kids MY mum was calling you." But more appropriate would definitely be "Nana was calling you" very strange. Is he just doing it to irritate you?
                  "This too, shall pass."

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                  • #10
                    OP I think I understand what you mean in the sense that it can get confusing. Have you talked to him about it? Like another poster said can he say “my mum”. I personally hate the word nan or nana just reminds me of someone in a nursing home. Weird I know.
                    But I think there is probably something else going on for you guys. It’s not hard for him to say my mum, if he is more comfortable using the word mum.
                    Also I can imagine it wouldn’t be easy for anyone living with their MIL.

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                    • #11
                      It would annoy me a bit due to the confusion it’s causing.

                      Once my mum called me on the phone and left me a teary message to say “dad’s in the hospital”. Naturally I thought she meant my dad, not hers, and I was pretty annoyed when I found out it was actually my pop (and it wasn’t a dire medical situation to begin with).

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                      • #12
                        Dh refers to his mum as mum not Nana to the kids.

                        I guess if your DH says “he doesn’t mean to” means he’s not intentionally saying it to annoy you, but if you’ve repeatedly asked him not to, then I can see why you’d be miffed especially the times your MIL is actually staying in the house.

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                        • #13
                          I’d be a little annoyed too but I also don’t think it’s a huge deal as your kids should be old enough to understand that he means his mum.

                          My MIL calls herself mumma to my kids. Drives me nuts and I don’t think that’s ok. I pull her up on it all the time who knows what she does when I’m not around!

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Mummamania View Post
                            In the VERY LEAST he should be saying to the kids MY mum was calling you." But more appropriate would definitely be "Nana was calling you" very strange. Is he just doing it to irritate you?
                            No not doing it to irritate me. That kind of feels worse. Like if it's subconscious, then why?

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                            • #15
                              I don't think your over-reacting at all, I think it's totally weird!
                              I mean, I get what the others are saying, that they're old enough to understand that she's his mum... but it sounds like he is acting like she is THEIR mum as well. I would find it very frustrating as well, whether he was doing it to purposely annoy you or not is beside the point. You're their mum. When he says "Mum is calling you" they should know he means you.
                              DS1 – 10, DD1 – 9, DS2 – 7, DS3 - 4

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