Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

How to help shy child advice please

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Sirena89
    replied
    Originally posted by MissTwiggley View Post
    Please private message me @Sirena89.
    Can’t message you as your inbox is full.
    I sent a msg on Fri night not sure if you received it?

    Leave a comment:


  • Elevatormusic
    replied
    My cousin has Aspergers/ASD but she was only diagnosed as an adult - when she was young, we thought she was just painfully shy as her symptoms were never very obvious, she had no issues at school (quite the opposite). She'd want to participate and look forward to events and catch ups but once there, she would freeze and not really know how to interact or involve herself.

    Do you have any ASD in the family that you know of? You mentioned having a sibling that had similar traits that have continued into adulthood?

    In my experience, regular shyness in kids tends to show itself more around unfamiliar people and places, not so much with close family members who have always been around them but of course, it is still very possible.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sirena89
    replied
    Thank you everyone.
    Twiggley I will pm you tomorrow.
    Can everyone that quoted me delete as I will delete for privacy, thank you!

    Leave a comment:


  • MissTwiggley
    replied
    Please private message me @Sirena89.
    Last edited by MissTwiggley; 18-06-2021, 21:12.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kalina
    replied
    [MENTION=22334]GirlsRock[/MENTION] could you please edit your post to delete the quote bit? I want to delete that bit when the OP sees it, it's not my story but I wanted to mention it because of the similarity in age and the benefits of early intervention in this particular case.

    Leave a comment:


  • GirlsRock
    replied
    How to help shy child advice please

    I have an acquaintance who has a child with selective mutism caused by severe anxiety. She only speaks to her Mum, older sister, younger brother and very very rarely her Dad. Her grandparents have never heard her speak. She will not speak to her Mum/sister/brother in front of anyone except her Dad and often then she doesn’t speak to them if Dad is there.

    She had been at school for 3.5 years now and her classmates and teacher have never heard her speak.

    By all accounts she is a little chatterbox at home to Mum/sister/brother.

    OP, I’ve no idea how you bring it up with your family member. Only up will know how they’re likely to take it. I just wanted to mention selective mutism. Maybe read up on it and see if it migth be what you are noticing or if you can find any hints/suggestions etc.
    Last edited by GirlsRock; 18-06-2021, 18:06.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kalina
    replied
    .
    Last edited by Kalina; 18-06-2021, 19:31.

    Leave a comment:


  • MissTwiggley
    replied
    I would say they couldn't and not so much they wouldn't. Both of those situations sound like they are anxiety driven - the urge for the child to leave once their safety net does, indicates that somewhere in their gut instinct they feel unsafe. Unfortunately there could be a number of reasons as to why that might be the case. Some kids are naturally more anxious than others and some only freely participate once they've observed the situation enough to know how it all runs/what to expect.

    Is your sibling worried about your niece or nephew? I'm guessing they probably have an inkling that their child is on shyer side as they are quick to intervene.

    In another comment you mentioned that were an introvert. Well high five lovely cause I am too.


    There is a small chance that your niece/nephew might also be introverted and this isn't something you or even your sibling can change. It's something your niece or nephew will have to navigate on their own terms, if they feel being introverted is disruptive or not beneficial to their existence... Although I've never met an introvert who was truly unhappy being one.

    The best you can do is continue to be a source of comfort to this child. Try not to express disappointment when they can't respond or participate as this will only further alienate them from you. If it is anxiety, once they see that you too can be a safe spot free from judgement, they will open up to you. You just might end up being their favourite auntie ever.
    Last edited by MissTwiggley; 18-06-2021, 21:12.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sirena89
    replied
    .
    Last edited by Sirena89; 18-06-2021, 23:40.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kalina
    replied
    I don't think there are easy answers, and I do wonder whether asking for input from the child's teachers (the parents asking, if they haven't already and if they're concerned) might shed some light.

    Our society prizes extroverts like the very fact of being outgoing is a virtue, and I think in some ways they generally get an easier skate through life. Nobody ever says "I really love the way I struggle with social situations". But I think it's important for the parents to work out whether their child is just an introvert, which is completely fine (more than fine in my opinion), or whether there is more to it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sirena89
    replied
    .
    Last edited by Sirena89; 18-06-2021, 23:37.

    Leave a comment:


  • abybaby
    replied
    This was my daughter. She was painfully shy to the point where I had to remind her to even say Hello when people spoke to her. She didn't like to engage with adults at all. It was somewhat embarrassing as a parent as the older she got, the ruder it appeared. Well, she is now 17yo...... she is outgoing, is in the leadership team at her school and her career aspiration is to be a nurse. She has done a number of work placements at hospitals and she is always complimented on her personality. Please don't worry, I am almost certain she will be ok.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sirena89
    replied
    .
    Last edited by Sirena89; 18-06-2021, 23:36.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sirena89
    replied
    .
    Last edited by Sirena89; 18-06-2021, 23:34.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kalina
    replied
    Are you close with their parents, is it something they've mentioned? Are they concerned? Do you spend enough time with the child to reasonably think that you have a good sense of what's going on?

    You're family and care about this child, so I think it's reasonable to think about it and want to help, but I think you have to tread carefully at the same time - hopefully you have a close enough relationship with the parents to talk about it without them feeling criticised or attacked in some way. I'm a big believer in the whole "it takes a village" approach and talking, in a loving way, if you have a concern about a family member you care about.

    As for if and what help the child needs, that depends on whether the shyness is beyond what is normal for kids. If it is veering towards something like selective mutism then help from a professional can be useful, particularly before they start school. But lots of kids are just reserved, and that's fine - perhaps the parents could ask the child's childcare educators for their thoughts (if they go to childcare)?
    Last edited by Kalina; 18-06-2021, 19:32.

    Leave a comment:

Working...
X