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PLEASE help me get 2 yr old off the dummy!!!!! PLEASE!!!!

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  • PLEASE help me get 2 yr old off the dummy!!!!! PLEASE!!!!

    Hi, I really need some advice. My son has just turned 2 and is a wonderful, but VERY demanding boy. I really want him to lose the dummy. He has always used a dummy for sleeping and sometimes when he got whingy during the day. I also let him have it in the car as I have a long drive to work on a busy highway with him, and it is just too distracting and dangerous if he is throwing a tantrum all the way. Lately he has gotten so much more attached to it and is obsessed with it. He goes absolutely nuts if he doesn't have it and won't calm down. I am terribly sick with morning sickness which is making me a bit depressed so I've just given in and let him have it because I can't handle the all day long tantrum if I don't.
    I've tried cutting the end off in bits or poking holes in it. He just sucks it anyway, and if I cut it too short, it's tantrums again.
    He is bilingual, so his language skills are spread over two languages. He doesn't know enough in one language to be able to reason with. He wouldn't understand the concept or explanation of 'losing it', 'fairies coming to take it', or 'giving it to babies who need it' etc.
    I do kind of feel sorry for him even when he's throwing tantrums about it because he is just so incredibly upset.
    Does anyone have ANY advice - if I just make him quit it cold turkey, how long can I expect the tantrums to last? I am also worried about the lack of sleep if I did this as I am so sick, have to work, and sleeplessness is the LAST thing I need.
    HELP!!!!!

  • #2
    DD1 loved her dummy. at 2 i restricted it to bedtime and in the car and had a little drawstring bag in the cot and car for her to put the dummy in when she got out. took only a few days before she got the hang of this.

    at 2.5 she wanted to go to ballet class so i told her the dummies had to go and she happily gathered them up and tossed the lot and never spoke of them again.

    i was glad i had waited till she was ready to give them away as we never had to deal with drama about them

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    • #3
      Do you HAVE to make him give up his dummy? He is only 2, I would just let him have it until you are better able to deal with removing it, or he is old enough to understand it. Most people I know get rid of it at about 3, using the fairies, easter bunny, santa type stories. My nephew at 3 had to have 3 at night, one for his mouth and one for each hand! I would set up some rules, like only in the car, in bed and when resting on the lounge or something, and be firm with it. Remember 2 is the age for tanties anyway, so if it wasn't dummies it could well be something else! If he was a thumb-sucker he would be sucking it for a long time yet!

      Having said that, it seems that (at age 3 anyway) to take about 3-4 nights/days to go "cold turkey" and pretty sleep disturbed nights sometimes.

      Path of least resistance on this I reckon! IMO

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Kaybaby View Post
        Do you HAVE to make him give up his dummy? He is only 2, I would just let him have it until you are better able to deal with removing it, or he is old enough to understand it. Most people I know get rid of it at about 3, using the fairies, easter bunny, santa type stories. My nephew at 3 had to have 3 at night, one for his mouth and one for each hand! I would set up some rules, like only in the car, in bed and when resting on the lounge or something, and be firm with it. Remember 2 is the age for tanties anyway, so if it wasn't dummies it could well be something else! If he was a thumb-sucker he would be sucking it for a long time yet!

        Having said that, it seems that (at age 3 anyway) to take about 3-4 nights/days to go "cold turkey" and pretty sleep disturbed nights sometimes.

        Path of least resistance on this I reckon! IMO
        This ^^^

        My DD's gave them up on their own at 1 but I reintroduced them at 2 because of the separation anxiety and tantrums that followed. They just needed a comfort, something I couldn't offer to both of them 24/7.
        They will be 3 next month and they have been without dummies for a month now.
        I cut the teat off and showed them they were broken and they through them in the bin themselves.
        I'd wait until he was ready or had a little more understanding.

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        • #5
          Taking everything you have just said into consideration, I'd let him have it. He's two, an age when it's difficult to negotiate anyway and you sound like you are juggling enough for now

          He won't have it/need it forever and for now it sounds like it's not worth the struggle. Hope you feel better soon

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          • #6
            Id cut it down to just nap and sleep. See how he goes then donw the track give it to the fairies or something. Hes clearly dependant on it but DONT WORRY. it wont be forever. My dentist once told me, you dont need to worry about these things until they turn 5.

            We waited til DD was 3 and got her off it then. She understaood more and SHE actually left it out for the fairies!!!

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            • #7
              My friend made a big deal of Easter last year. for her two year old and made her daughter give her dummy to the Easter bunny. It worked

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              • #8
                Start small. If he is chucking a tanty tell him he must stop or dummy goes in the bin. Give it to him when he calms down. This way he will see that the tantrums have no power. If he drops it and forgets about it for awhile put it out of sight and see if that works for awhile. You can gradually increase this till he only has it for sleep/rest/car or under especially stressful situations. If you want it off him soon, riding the tantrums is a must. Even at two they know how to tug at the heart strings. If language is a problem try some simple hand signs or over exaggerated body language to support your statements as children at that age respond quicker to visual cues than verbal ones.

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                • #9
                  I personally havent had to go through this... yet

                  But I do have a friend who, went through this after trying many different methos, she bought packets of the same dummy her bub but in different sizes, and decreased the dummy size over a few weeks to new born size, after a week or so with the new born size she was completely off the dummy - which im assuming is because it would be harder for them to suck on and maybe not so comforting?

                  Goodluck

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                  • #10
                    Oh lordy, the hardship of morning sickness! I spent the better part of 4 months flat on my back because every time I moved I felt like I was going to lose my intestines

                    As for the dummy, I have always restricted dummy use to bedtime only. Even now my youngest has a dummy for sleep time and if she feels she wants it during non-sleep times, then she has to be on her bed with it. Do you think you feel up to trying a similar compromise? It might take a couple of days to get it in place, but it would be worth it.

                    Also, having the dummy in the car. Are you able to put on a CD of nursery rhymes he likes and distract him that way? While you are implementing the "dummy only in bed" rule, you could play a CD when you first get into the car and hold off on giving him the dummy until he really needs it and try to stretch out this no-dummy time every day.

                    Good luck whatever you choose to do. I hope the morning sickness eases soon and you have a lovely pregnancy

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                    • #11
                      I suggest you prepare him that its time to give them up. I tried to gently wean my very addicted dd but eventually I had to tell her that we had given them all to my sisters baby. If you search past threads some people have great ideas about dummy fairies arriving, leaving notes to prepare for the dummy heist and the leaving notes and presents.

                      To be honest the first week was tough. She missed them so much. I felt awful like I had taken her best friend. Then it was over. No more asking. No more crying to settle. She snuggles with teddy bears etc so still has a comforter but no longer the dummy. You will have to be tough for a week. Cuddle him lots. Hold him. It is hard for them but at two you can reason with them when they are calm. Good luck.

                      Edit-sorry half asleep just read that u don't think fairies etc would work.

                      As for morning sickness get some maxalon! I feel for u it's awful.
                      Last edited by hopefully2; 18-03-2012, 03:42.

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                      • #12
                        Thanks everyone. The reasons I want him off the dummy is that he seems to getting more and more reliant on it all the time. It's his first priority. Also it really does affect the amount of words he speaks. I might have to deal with tantrums. As for the morning sickness Maxolon and Zofran don't work. I'm 4.5 months now, been hospitalized a few times and don't expect it to ease up until birth just like with my son

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                        • #13
                          My DS was very "all about the dummy" I started by taking it off him when he tryed to talk to me, from there we worked on if he dropped it or left it I would take it away when he went looking for it I told him to find it, giving it to him if he got to bad, it did take a while but now he only has his dummy for bed time, when he gets up in the morning and at nap time he will give me his dummy, I leave it on a table and if he goes for it during the day I ask him if he is going to bed he will leave it there. Best of luck hope this helped

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                          • #14
                            We weened DS off dummies at 2. We gradually made it a nap time only thing. Then we started phasing them out of daytime naps by (and I know this sounds like a bad idea, but it worked for us) letting him get tired enough to fall asleep on the couch without it because we hadn't said it was nap time. Nap time was the trigger words for "Where is my dummy?".

                            Then we just started putting him down for naps without it, and then bed time at night. We'd give him cuddles and read him a story to calm him if he was really upset, but most often we'd just have to let it go. He'd rage out for about 5 minutes, and then because he was so tired he'd fall asleep without it.
                            It can be hard, but sometimes you just have to be firm on it. If I caved in and give it to him we'd just have to start the process all over again.

                            That being said, the only reason we weened DS from the dummy when we did was because MIL kept saying things like "Are you STILL using a dodie (DS's word for a dummy) DS?". It made me feel bad, as if I was doing the wrong thing by letting him use one.
                            We have friends who's three year old still runs around all day with a dummy in her mouth, and that's just fine. That's just how they roll *chuckle*. I admit, I think it may have slowed her speech. She's a smart little cookie, don't get me wrong. But she's learnt that she doesn't have to talk to get what she wants. She has a very well developed non-verbal language and there's no mistaking what she's 'talking' about.
                            But she's learnt to speak without actually speaking, and I think that'll make it a little tougher on her when she goes to kindy if they haven't stopped with the dummies by then.

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                            • #15
                              DD2 is 2.5 years and still has her dummy. While I have raised the concept of the dummy fairy I don't think she quite gets it yet. My plan is to have my DDs dummy gone by the end of the year .... Maybe they'll go to Santa!

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